My girlfriend was raised Christian and still is. She managed to avoid sex until date raped at 19. Didn't report it to police, or tell anyone until her parents found receipts from a clinic STD test. A month or 2 l8tr hooked up with a guy who was her boyfriend, at least once, maybe twice or more, don't remember, but then dumped him cuz she didn't want to do it anymore.
Since then she has had three boyfriends, none of whom she had sex with. She did fool around with one like she and I have fooled around (dry sex). Her last boyfriend she DIDN'T fool around with.
Here's what bothers me. She expects me to wait until marriage but she ain't no virgin! I'll admit I ain't either and have had more partners than her. But the difference is that I was not Christian when I was having sex, she was.
She had dry sex with me a couple times because she didn't want to lose me, but days later regretted it and said no more. I feel like the other guy was worth going all the way to keep but I aint...
2007-05-12 12:09:34 · 14 answers · asked by ben b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So do I have a right to be bothered by this? Would you be? Or is it just my insecurity. I mean other than the rape she only had sex with one guy and no one else since then. I just feel like I am being cheated out of something here...should I talk to her about this?
2007-05-12 12:11:18 · update #1
She needs to get therapy for the rape and a new boyfriend who respects her wishes.
2007-05-12 12:14:44 · answer #1 · answered by Points whore 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should respect her feelings a bit more, she was raped which must have been awful for her - some girls react in a bad way by loosing themselves and sleeping with anyone, which is what shes done. She needs support from you at the moment, not sex. But because she wants you to wait shows she loves you and that you are worth keeping.
But if you cant wait until marriage now you wont ever be able to wait so you should tell her now before you waste more of her time with you.
2007-05-12 19:16:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand her. She was raped at 19.
When a woman is raped, and she does not get help
she feels dirty, like she's not worth it. If she didn't have
sex with the other guys it was probably because she
doesn't want to remember what she went through.
If you really care about her, and love her, you should
be patient. If you love her, you will wait until she's ready.
and by the way you say "she ain't no virgin" it sounds like
you're saying, she was raped, she's not a virgin, so let's
have sex. Sex doesn't determines a good relationship,
sure, it's needed every once in a while, but just because
a relationship doesn't have sex in it, it doesn't mean it
won't be a good one. Be patient if you love her.
2007-05-12 19:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Sweet Me♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well she was raped and this has messed with her mind. Just cause she had sex with the other guy doesn't mean she was in loved with him. Means she didn't want to lose him cause he was giving her some sort of emotional support or something.
Now if you really love her you should wait for sex until marriage. But if you don't love you should come out and tell her you don't want to wait for marriage. Maybe she needs some counsoling to help her get past the rape.
2007-05-12 19:24:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, you don't have a right to be bothered by this and you should stop being a selfish little ratbag.
Sounds to me like your girlfriend is having problems coming to terms with the fact that she has been raped and although she is trying to put it behind her it is obviously afecting her approach to her relationships.
What she needs right now are two things. Firstly she needs to talk to a counsellor to help her to understand and accept what has happened to her and secondly she needs a boyfriend who can respect her and be patient with her while she sorts herself out.
You should also look at counselling yourself in order to address your insecurity issues. The only reason she went all the way with the other guy was because she probably felt that she needed to in order to put her rape behind her. Obviously she has issues regarding sexual intercourse and has not agreed to it since.
Perhaps if you back off all sexual activity, including dry sex, instead of putting pressure on her to have sex, you might earn her respect and trust.
2007-05-12 19:25:25 · answer #5 · answered by Shakespeare 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She shares a lot with you so you have open relationship. She had insecurities and tried even though she did not likely want too (just a guess). If you do not want to talk to her and work on her insecurities and you feel she has problems with said things then you may want to look else where because you will have to work on these problems later if the relationship continues.
2007-05-12 19:17:30 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are wrong. After that rape she may have felt like if she didn't she would be raped again. She leaves them to avoid sex. Get a Clue! She never wanted to do it. Stop being selfish. She can't help that she is not a virgin anymore.
2007-05-12 19:14:44 · answer #7 · answered by demetria_nyree 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Listen to me...RUN FOR THE HILLS!!! I'm assuming you are young (23-25?), you shouldn't be getting serious with ANYONE! Are you a college graduate? Do you have dreams or aspirations? That' what you should concentrate on, & "date" lots of girls. Have fun, & believe me...there are lots of girls who will have sex with you. Just remember, USE A CONDOM! Better to be safe that broke for the next 18 years, until the kid is of age. Hope this helps.
2007-05-12 19:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by Mojomoon 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
o wow thats kinda low i mean it seems like u only like her for sex... mayb she just wants to feel loved.
i think if she says no u should repect that. and if u cant wait to have sex then u shouldnt b with her
2007-05-12 19:14:25 · answer #9 · answered by karate_chiq33 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you love her you'd wait... trust me, you have a good girl here... she's a keeper.. not too may girls like that... if u want a slut go and get one... but this is a girl with good morals... you are really lucky... go jack off or something.... but remember you need to be sensitive to her feelings... i mean she was sensitive to yours because she didnt want u to leave her... so seems to me really has feelings for you....
2007-05-12 19:22:27 · answer #10 · answered by Girl Next Door 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋