what kind of relationship is best for children with divorced parents meaning how much contact do u have with?

Question

your ex?my new wife feels i should limit my contact with my ex to changes in drop off times and emergencies. but my ex feels she should be able to call whenever she wants(every day)and tell me every little detail about what my child is doing or did.this drives my new wife nuts as my ex makes it known she does not like my new wife.

Answer 1

Well, I am a "new wife", so I am very versed on this one. Your wife needs to back off. You and your ex are on great terms, and that is such a wonderful thing for your child. Your wife should be encouraging it.

I think that a lot of her feelings are of insecurity. You need to do your best to make her feel included, so that she doesn't feel insecure. With time, she should come around, but try not to make her feel bad. Just be understanding-- hear her. That does not mean that you need to change anything you are doing.

My husband's ex and I have actually been able to become friends to some degree. That took a lot of time (mainly for her), but we have a common interest in their daughter. It is such a wonderful thing to be able to all get together for my step-daughter.

It just takes time. I think your wife is probably trying to mark her territory. You are in an adjustment period. Stay open and honest and validate her feelings. She will adjust. Good luck.

Answer 2

Before you are this woman's husband, you are the father to your children. Life is hard for blended families, but everyone needs to behave so that the new situation can work!
I don't believe that the only contact a man should have with the mother of his children is about emergencies and drop off times. Your children aren't limited to those two things. They take tests at school, and when they get a good grade every body should know. Children play sports, and when they help their team win, you should know.
It may be a while but the two women in your life (the mother of your children and your nw wife) have to learn to be civil to each other...they don't have to like each other..but being civil is a must. Your ex has to understand that she is being disrespectful to a woman who will play a major role in her children's life. It's the same thing as cursing out someone who is preparing your food. If nothing else your ex needs to say thank you to your new wife for accepting your children and loving them (assuming that she has done this).
Your new wife has to understand her place on the totem pole. yes, she is your wife, but you have children with another woman. So if you all are having a romantic dinner and your ex does call for an emergency, your new wife can't get mad at your ex for interrupting. She has to know that your kid's come first and that your ex is a part of that package. Remind her that she is your wife, you love her, and she is the one you want...what you had with your ex is over (I would hope).

Good luck!!

Answer 3

Your wife comes first. You promised to "forsake all others" when you got married to her. Your ex has no business calling unless there is a problem .... a REAL problem. Little Susie not doing her homework is something the mother should deal with, or she needs to give you custody if she can't be parent enough to handle something like that. Now if Little Susie severs a limb, THAT warrants a call to the FORMER husband.

It is important for everyone to get along and not talk negatively about others in the children's presence. This includes BOTH of these women not speaking ill of the other when the children are around. It is important for the children to feel comfortable around your wife. It is also important for the children to understand your wife is ALSO an authority in their lives.

Your wife is right. Limit the ex's calls to more important matters. She is not your wife anymore and you do not owe her quality time about ANY issue. When the children visit with you (whatever your visitation arrangement is), THEN is the time to devote to finding out how school went, etc.

Two things: 1) Schedule "family time" for you, your wife, and your kids when they are with you. and 2) Schedule "father-child" time for just you and the kids when they are with you. I hope your wife reads this, because it is important to the children to have special time with just you. Your Mrs. has you on a 24/7 basis and there is lots of "husband-wife" time going on. So, to the Mrs. I would say, "He needs once in a while to do "father stuff" with the kids."

NEVER neglect your wife's needs. NEVER take your ex's side over your wife's.

Remember: A house divided against itself cannot stand.

I wish you the best!

Answer 4

I think ex-wife is behaving in a manipulative manner. Since she doesn't like new-wife, she is doing what she knows will irritate new-wife and interfere with your normal day. And she has you in a difficult position whereby you feel an obligation to be attentive to news regarding your children. bee-och!
Are your children old enough to talk on the phone every day? Set up a time each day to call them personally and let them tell you every little detail about what they are doing or did. You need to take control of this situation immediately.
To conclude, I say Yes, ex-wife needs to back off and let you be responsible for your own parenting. Certainly, she can inform you about any emergent issues, but the day to day stuff is not her responsibility.

Answer 5

Okay - kind of a delicate situation. They ARE your kids, after all, and you should definitely be aware of what they are doing. But you also need to let your wife know that is a very important thing. You have a responsibility to your kids and your ex wife to keep contact. But on the other hand, you need to let your wife know that (no matter what your ex may think of her) that she is the woman you are married to now. And even though you love her, your kids will always be a part of your life, and your ex wife happens to come along with that territory.

Answer 6

The only time your ex-wife should call you about the children is when she needs your help with the children. (emergencies or changing pick for the children.) every day calls is a big no for any woman.

Answer 7

You are a husband first and foremost. God's first institution was marriage. He made His Covenant with Adam and Eve, not Adam and Abel or Eve and Cain (or vice-versa). The second response behind mine is top-notch. That gal has her act together. I know alot of people say the kids come first. No they do not. Your SPOUSE comes first regardless of first, second, third marriage or whatever. I have been in each of these roles and can tell you there is better harmony when the little darlings know they don't rule the roost....in ANY house.

Your ex is out of line....WAY out of line. Sounds like she may still be carrying a torch for you.

As for your wife, she is FIRST, but not ONLY. I'm sure she wants you to have a relationship with your kid. Everyone needs to sit down and come to a workable solution. Your ex needs to accept that your wife is there to stay. PERIOD.

Answer 8

I feel divorced or married that parents are parents first. I think it's important for you to know what your kids are up to. I think it's important for your wife to work with you instead of against you--which seems to be what she's trying to do.

Kids need to see that mom and dad may be divorced but they still love them very much. They need to know that it still is all about them. By creating this divide [as your current wife suggests] it would only make the relationship between your ex stressful and complicated for the children. That's not what I would want.

As for your wife and your ex tell them to get over it! Who cares if your ex likes your current wife? If it's brought up in a phone conversation just let her know that you'd appreciate her not to talk about your current wife. Make it known that you are talking about the kids--that's it.

I'm sorry this is driving your wife crazy. I think your ex is very admirable to try to keep you in your children's lives. If your current wife is trying to push them away I'd suggest you re-evaluate your current marriage.

Answer 9

As much contact as is comfortable for everyone sounds best to me. I don't think that there's any cut and dry formula for contact between exes. It sounds like your ex is doing a wonderful job keeping you informed about what's going on in your child's life. However, its not appropriate for anyone to bad mouth your new wife to you. Really strict rules on contact will make for high tension. Perhaps a better plan would be for her to email you updates (and vice versa) or use voice mail.

Answer 10

think of strictly expert. you're to take place at artwork at particular situations, only call in the process particular hours, and shop discussions artwork suitable. shop your divorce like a activity and clarify that to her. placed issues in writting if mandatory with your ex. Your new spouse could be a concern. as an occasion, tell your ex you will talk themes with the infants between 6-7 pm only and for no greater desirable than ten minutes. If she is going over the ten minutes tell her you could bypass and could proceed the convesation at yet over again. Hosiptal emergencies are the exception.