Any of you ladies out there someone's mistress?

Question

I've just started seeing a bloke. I'm married (unhappily) the same with him. We met Thursday afternoon and had an amazing few hours together. He's asked me to be his mistress. I'm tempted to say yes but worried about other people's reactions. Anyone ever been in the same situation? How did it work out? Does amazing sex with another man solve any problems you have in your marriage? Honest sensible answers please!

Can I just have answers from people who have some experience of this please.

Just like to add that I have tried relentlessly for as long as I can remember to be a good faithfull wife, he has put in zero effort. My new lover has had the same experiences with his wife. We are both comfortable in our lives but lack the intimacy that we desire. Surely it isn't wrong for two people who try hard to do the best towards their marriage partners yet recieve nothing in return to look elsewhere for some intimacy and satisfaction.

Answer 1

When I was married, I had "mistresses". (I use the quotes as very few mistresses these days follow the French model of a kept woman.). Provided you both keep the love out of it - you should be fine. Treat it as a physical passion-satisfier only.

I'm not sure if you can though. A mistress is good when the only problem in a relationship is the lack of sex (or lack of interesting sex) - but if either of you have other, more fundamental problems with your respective marriages, one or both of you is gonna fall in love. Then the trouble starts.

Hope it works out for you.

James

xx

Answer 2

hmm, isn't sex always amazing with someone new. Yes, been there had the affair, moved out and then..........I found that my wife and I started talking again and eventually started having an affair with my wife and moved back in. Funny thing is that when I met my girlfriend I wasn't looking for anyone else and wasn't particularly unhappy, more bored and stuck in a rut. I think I was flattered by the complements.

In the end I came to my senses and went back to my wife. An affair seems like a holiday or a hobby. It's not real life and it revolves round a few hours here and there which usually lead to sex. I would probably spend more time in 'bed' with my girlfriend in a whole weekend than I would in a month with my wife but that easy to do when someone else is taking care of the responsibilities. Yes, definately like a holiday or a hobby.

You will have to look at what is wrong in your marriage and decide if you want to put it right. Incidently the girl I met was also married and was unhappy. When she told me why she was unhappy I laughed, I thought she was kidding. She just wanted her husband to be more independant as she did everything for him. I told her that there was nothing wrong in their relationship. Think she was just looking for someone to give her a bit of excitement.

11 years on I am glad I made the decision I made as my children, who were quite young then, got see their dad every day instead of every weekend.

Your last line is quite interesting about amazing sex. It takes two to tango so if your husband is a little boring in the bedroom why don't you try something to spice it up a little.

Finally, if you're unhappy why stay in the relationship.

Answer 3

It doesn't resolve problems in marriage if anything it will make it worse because you will probably became more distant with your huband. These things never work out for the best,as your husband will eventually start noticeing there is something wrong will then become suspicious and eventually your marriage will just fall apart. Please think about this wisely as you could probably still save your marriage if you both just sit down and talk about what you think may be missing and try and get that thing back. It would be a mistake as it does ruin marriages but also you have more dignity than that and if the people around you found out they probably wouldn't look at you in the same way again and they would lose respect for you.

Please try and work your marriage out first and then if you find it dont work i suggest you get a divorce before you become some other guys mistress as it wouldn't be fair on your huband.

Goodluck...................

Answer 4

I've been a mistress... for at least 3 years and it ruined three good people... we didn't even have sex, but the emotional attachment was bad enough.... their marriage survived.... in the end. I did too, but it's no fun. In the end there are always emotional consequences and often not the ones you count on or expect.... you are better off being honest to your husband right now and leave him. if you are truly unhappily married and are sure it will not become okay again, then why the affair when you can be free? consider yr options very carefully. I was free at the time and it did not safe me from the repercussions.... we were happy those years... but the grief came later. Hope you will find yr way.. :)

Answer 5

6 months ago would say yes go for it....but now i would say no. I met this guy nearly a year ago...me unhappy in my relationship him unhappy in his. Its been an amazing rollercoaster but i fell in love great at 1st but now caused so much pain. I wanted us to be together but he wouldnt leave his wife he said he loved me fair enough didnt want to be a homewrecker. But it did hurt. Its been amazing and exciting but because i fell in love it ruined my own relationship even more and when i left my bloke it was even worse cos i didnt want anyone else only my lover. So when i met new blokes it didnt work out as i couldnt move on. I thought it would be sex but turned into so much more. I tried ending it but my love for the guy was so strong i couldnt. In the end i think my lover is playing me for a fool. I would say if this guy gives something ure lacking in life go for it but try not to fall in love as it can make things so much worse. But then again it might not depends what kind of person u are...u maybe stronger than me.
Hope this helps feel free to IM via my yahoo answers profile if u wanna know more

Answer 6

It can get a bit messy when you are both married. Its ok if it is just for a bit of fun but what happends if you start having feelings for each other.
No it wont solve your marriage problems... especially if you realise that this other guy actually treats you better than your hubby. You will start comparing him to your hubby and resenting him for things which yu actually didnt have a problem with before!
Think about it before you make the move. Its all good until the other halves find out.. and just remember that married women nearly always know when their hubbies are up to no good... so your hubby may never find out but what happens when his wife smells a rat and seeks you out!???

Answer 7

i'm not judging, i've been there too, but i don't judge people anyway. it can often make a marriage worse in the fact that it highlights what is wrong with it, and that's hard to live with when you don't see the person you want to be with enough. my ex marriage broke up, because i couldn't live with the shell that was left. a few snatched moments didn't compensate for the intervening times, your choice, but it could make your marriage harder to bear. if you're that unhappy, don't waste your life staying within your marriage, life's too short to do that, good luck

Answer 8

I have been a mistress.. I'm not married myself.. but he was.. we had a blissful honeymoon period when things were rosy and we looked for nothing more then lustful afternoons from each other... and then it changed... we fell in love.. and had a very turbulant 4 yrs... his wife found out.. as well as his son... her sister called to my sick mothers door.. everything got outta hand... but he and I were hurting all these people in the name of love... in the end it was sham... 5 months after his wife kicked him out. he went sniffling back.. but still wanted to keep me on the side... that was 5 yrs ago.. that very same man wants me back even today... whilst still being with his wife. I'm sorry but my advise to you is to sort out your problems at home.. before you become a problem in someone elses home... this man will never respect you.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well if you've decided yourself its not wrong.. what are you doing here asking us about it then!!!

Answer 9

well I'm born from an affair, my mum was the mistress and i can honestly say in the long run no one wins it's pain full from both sides of the fence., and no offence but makes you a bit of a ****, leave other peoples men alone, perhaps if you put as much effort and thought into your own marriage you could turn it around, after all you married him for a reason right.

Answer 10

hi hun yeah like you im in a unhappy marriage , and i love someone else my situation is far more complicated , i say to you if this guy makes you happy then go for it i wish with all my heart i could do the same. dont listen to people saying you are married , sort it out you go for it with this guy if thats how you both feel you two be happy good luck