dont use,'well children always come first' if you were in a relationship and your 'other' began to spend more than70% of his or her time with their children, not including you. you have tried to compromise with her/him about the situation, but to no avail. you want to stay with them, but are unsure how to make him/her understand you want to be included in her life. besides the obvious of telling her to make time for you, what else should be said, done?
2007-05-12 07:43:40 · 8 answers · asked by armando j 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I hate to break it to you, but any decent parent will put their kids #1. There may be short periods of time when the kids might slide down 1/2 a notch, say when dealing with a terminally ill parent for example. Granted, once in a while there is nothing wrong with mom and dad getting a sitter and going out for the evening or even taking a short trip occasionally because it's important to also nurture the relationship that made you a parent. But again, 99.999% of the time, my kids, their needs and what is best for them comes first in my life. If you cannot accept this fact, perhaps you should only date childless people.
2007-05-12 07:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by Doogie 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
counsling and/or a long talk. My children are very improtant, but one day they will leave and go have families of their own ( hopefully, lol) so then all that is left is my husband and myself. I had better have a great relationship with him because he is all I will have. My husband comes first and then my children. We have plenty of family time, and we go for hikes and picnics and play outside, but if he asks to go out to dinner, we hire a baysitter, if he comes home early I spend that time with him, every evening our children watch a cartoon or read a book or whatever and we go to our bedroom, with the door open and just talk about the day, nothing in paticular, just catch up. Our kids go to bed at 8:00 and 8:30 so that we have time at night to spend together. I think that mothers and the occasional father who have the child rule their lives will suffer once that child leaves home. It is finding a happy medium across the board. So everyone gets time and love.
2007-05-12 07:49:41 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your only hope is to be included along with the children. if she is taking them somewhere, ask if you can go along. when you invite her out, invite the children also. soon enough, if you play your cards right, she will want to see you without them. be patient for now, and don't put pressure on her. by all means, give her opportunities to be with you alone, but don't push. if you push, you will make her think she has to chose between you and the children and by the looks of it, she would chose them. any good mother would.
i wouldn't try to put it into words, but if you feel you must i wouldn't put it in terms of "make time for me". that puts more pressure on her, adds to all the things she has to do with the limited time she has every day. instead say "let me help you" with the kids, or say "why dont we take them to my mom's for the afternoon"
men find this very hard to accept, but for a woman, the children will always come first. that doesn't mean she loves you any less, or even that she doesn't have room for you, only that she has different priorities now. you are a grown person, you can take care of yourself. the children depend on her (and you) for everything. without the proper care, they may die, or be messed up for life. at some deep subliminal level, this is so ingrained in a mother's body that she worries every day about what she could be doing wrong, what she is not thinking of. she panicks at the thought of how much responsibility rests on her care. share that responsibility with her and she will welcome you, and love you all the more for it. start making demands for her time and she will see you as a threat to her balance and to her children's safety. and then, my friend, you're toast.
stop acting like a five year old in need of reassurance and start acting like a father. help her make time for you. make time for her and the children. don't be another demand, be a resource. make it possible for her to enjoy being with you.
2007-05-12 08:01:42 · answer #3 · answered by gwenwifar 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband or wife comes before the kids. Any other answer is ignorant.
Your kids will have a better life if you put your partner first. They learn to understand what a healthy relationship is suppose to look like, they learn what true love means, and the importance of their parents caring for each other. If you put the kids first, you risk the relationship upon which the family is built.
2007-05-12 07:49:03 · answer #4 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It is hard question, but yes you might have to talk about the situation, and hopefully the other will understand your needs also, don't tell her to make time for you, rather talk about what has happen and what would you like to happen, I guess you ought to be gentle and let her know. I don't really know what else you do. Love her, and have patience.
2007-05-12 07:50:59 · answer #5 · answered by Alejo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MAKE time for her, arrange baby sitter & take the wife out,
JUST THE TWO OF U .
2007-05-12 07:48:52 · answer #6 · answered by Klingon 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i may not have a child,boyfriend,or spouse[husband] but my children would be my top priority!
your friend,
Chelsey bugg
2007-05-12 07:48:30 · answer #7 · answered by CHELSEY B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
lunch
2007-05-12 07:46:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋