Should I leave???

Question

My wife is about to have a nervous breakdown which I believe was brought on berself. She can't seem to handle the work load (housework, children, work) She works part time and makes a good living. I work full time and make an ok living (nothing to brag about). No matter what the situation or who ever pisses her off she directs her anger towards me, which opens up the door for an arguement, Things are said in a very hateful manner and with evil intent. I grew up with a father who obviously did not care and a mother who did everything. My wife keeps comparing me to my father in a negative manner and it bothers me alot. I love my wife but sometimes she is intolerable. I am not perfect but I do what I can and the best I can. I DONOT help with housework because no matter what I do it wrong in her eyes. I am lost with words because I refuse to do things and get criticized all the time that I am not doing it correct (her way). Talking does not work it just ends up in a battle. Any suggestion?

Answer 1

I don't personally think leaving is the best option, you should try and seek counseling let the professinals help you!

Answer 2

I don't think I would call it a breakdown, she is just really upset because she eats-sleeps-and breathes; KIDS It sounds some what like my home, my husband doesn't clean the way I like him to either. BUT... I love it when I come home and the; kids are fed or dishes are done or toilets are scrubbed or trash is out or if I go with someone else he will clean my car out for me. Little things that I don't have to ask or complain about. I am not talking about cleaning top to bottom, I do have a suggestion for Mother's day... hire a maid for a day, look them up in the phone book. Give her the day off and then take her out for a QUIET dinner, just the two of you. Even if it's her favorite thing at McDonalds on a blanket at the park or lake. I PROMISE she will love it!
Good Luck!

Answer 3

If you love her, than you will endure this. Remember that part about "In sickness and in health"? Obviously your wife is fighting some demons and is in need of some help. You have to be the strong one and get her some help. Even if you have to tell her that if she doesn't get the help, you will leave her. Now, I'm not telling you to leave her, but you can use that as a tactic. You married this women for a reason....remember those reasons when she starts yelling and calling you names....remember the good times when she tells you that you are doing things wrong.....and when you just can't handle it anymore, grab her!!! Hold her tightly in your arms and whisper in her ear that no matter what she says about you, no matter how much she puts you down, you still love her and always will. Now on the other hand, there are women out there who are the abusive person in a relationship. If she was like this before you married her, then yes, you may need to reevaluate things. No one needs to be treated like garbage. If you really feel that you are at your wits end and there is no hope left in your marriage(and this is after seeking help from someone), then yes, go with your heart....and do what you think is best. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

I do think you need to try to keep your marriage in tact at all cost but a break from each other doesnt always turn out to be a bad thing. Sometimes when you seperate, yeah a divorce follows very quickly but other times it gives you space and time to reflect and think of better ways to handle things. I do think you need to try marriage counsling but it may not work if you all are togethere when you go through it. I suggest you tell her exactly what you just told us and see what her response is and make a decision from there.

Answer 5

Never mind that there is a marriage. This is identical to a situation I had with a family member. When someone is like that they tend to have a personality disorder called narcissism. They are consumed with themselves and how everything is a problem for them. You can never do anything to satisfy this person so you end up feeling like you are a failure. I would say that you need to get far away from this woman before she turns you into a helpless fool.
My tormenter moved 500 miles away and I have never felt more free. The person is my mother. We were forced to live in the same house for awhile and I would clean one day and she would redo it the next and then gripe that I never did anything around the house. She was retired and I was working all day every day. Rationalizing does not work. They won't budge.

Answer 6

Does she realize that she is not well and needs an evaluation from a doctor and then a referral to a psychologist? This is such an unhealthy atmosphere for children. The
" hateful manner" and " evil intent" indicates this could lead to more than just words. When she is having a rational moment, see if you can convince her to seek medical treatment. If that doesn't work, yes, I would consider leaving.

Answer 7

I think you should try some marriage counselling first! Didn't you get married...for better or for worse??? Well this is the worse. Try working on things with her. Let her know how your feeling. Maybe that might help things out. She can't change things if she's not aware of them. If you still let her know how your feeling and her behaviour is still continuing than I would be getting out of the marriage! Good Luck

Answer 8

Wow, I've known this experience.
In hindsight, I think the wise thing to do is to live separately for a while. Divorce is an emotional and financial "train wreck" and should only be done as a last resort. I recommend a separation to cool things off and reexamine the situation.
Good luck my friend.

Answer 9

I think it would be a good idea you speak to a professional marriage counselor. You must want to make your marriage work or you wouldn't be asking for advice. Find a professional and see what you can do to turn things around. When I say you, I mean both of you. I do not think your issues are one sided at all. You have children to think about. Doing all you can to work this out, would set a good example for them.

Answer 10

Start off by helping with the housework. You say that if you do you get criticised for it because you are doing it wrong. Well, do it right then. Take her out for dinner once or twice a week, or to Sunday lunch. Make the bed, tidy up the bathroom, wash up and dry up and put the dishes away. It all helps.
Good luck

Answer 11

The problems are obviously within her but there may be help if you wish to give it another chance. Get a copy of Dr. Laura's book "The proper care and feeding of husbands". Give it to her and put your arms around her and tell her you love her and you really want your marriage to work. If you believe in your mariiage, it really will help. I used to hate dr. Laura but have come to know that she really knows what she is talking about.