Would you invite your best friend to the wedding if...?

Question

! have this really close friend that I practically grew up with... one of those true friends that never talks behind your back, stands up for you even when your wrong, drops everything at the drop of a hat... and I was the same way to him.

Well during the end of college we kind of started going our seperate ways, never on a bad note. Well, then I got drunk and hooked up with his sister. That really didn't help things. Then when I got back from the military, his very recently ex-girlfriend started dating me. I wouldn't exactly say that I stole her or anything, just didn't work out for him....

Well, 4 years later... we are getting married... do i invite him to the wedding?

Answer 1

You should probably invite him, it's just the right thing to do. BUT, be prepared for anything.

If everything was cool between the two of you, you would not be asking us, total strangers, what to do. The fact that you are asking shows that there is still some strain in the relationship. If you chose not to send the invite, the current tension will continue or intensify.

If he declines either formally with an RSVP or by ignoring you and not showing up, that will pretty much tell you where things will go from here on out. You will not have as many meaningful opportunities to invite this person back into your life. If he is someone who's friendship you value, it is worth your extra effort to make things work.

The biggest and seemingly most important question here is what does the bride think? Sure, you knew this guy longer, but hopefully you didn't know him in the same ways that she did. If you did know him that way, then you may want to rephrase and submit this to Jerry Springer. ANYWAY, back to your little lady, you have to get her opinion on this before moving forward. If she is unsure or opposed to this, it's probably not a good idea. You will be all dolled up in your suit and tie, and your family and friends will be there to support you, but don't be mistaken. This is HER day. It's all about the bride. You may have picked out the cake topper or the napkin color, but you are there out of necessity. It's your day to share with her and will be yours (both) forever. She's got the keys, she's driving, and her Mom may have even called shotgun and bumped you to the backseat. If she's not down with it, your complex question has an easy answer. No.

Last factor is, he may go to watch the ceremony and skip the reception. Most of the time, it's the other way around. If he is at the reception there will be 2 things working against you. First, there will be friends that are common to both of you there and you need to be able to completely trust them to have your best interests. Some people just like to stir things up and see sparks fly. Second, most likely there will be a seemingly endless supply of alcohol. You may run out of Capt Morgan, but by then who cares what's left? Leave nothing behind, right? This guy could get drunk and pour himself out to you, the bride, or another drunk friend and then all bets are off. He will be hammered and brutally honest. Any wrong doing that he peceives on your part will become a stone cold fact, and he may not be shy about calling you, or worse, her out.

In conclusion, I would not want to be in your rented shoes. Good luck, little fella.

Answer 2

Well, in my opinion:

First let me say, while I have faith, I am not some religious zealot ... I am only stating the following as a thought to ponder.

If you are getting married in a church ... then that means you are someone of faith.

Pretty much ALL faiths put great stock in Forgiveness.

In fact, some religions, such as Christianity, hold it as one of the purest forms of love for God. The Christian religion even uses phrases such as "Jesus died on the cross to forgive your sins".

This being the case ... if you don't forgive someone on your special day, one that you are standing before God and asking for a blessing for your marriage.

Wouldn't that be hypocritical?

On a personal note: I am not spouting any "you should" do anything ... just posing the question.

As for me? I forgave someone once for something that was incredibly painful and instead of feeling foolish ... I felt great and it wasn't until years later I realized I had a true moment of peace.

I couldn't wish anything more perfect for a wedding than great joy and peace for the couple.

Hugs and congrats.

Answer 3

Why would you invite him? If there is the slightest question about anyone, do not invite. Your wedding day should be filled with people you trust and love. Even if there are only 8 people there, its better than many more who are questionable.

Answer 4

Hi Berries....I would send him an invitation even though he may or may not show. This way it's his decision whether he wants to be involved in your great event. If you don't send him an invitation, this might look bad on your part when it's not necessary. You didn't leave on a bad note and after 4 yrs I imagine he hasn't given it much thought, so I would at least send him an invitation. Shows that you are being considerate and you consider him still a friend. Good luck on your decision and congratulations on your big event. God Bless.

Answer 5

That's a very touchy situation. If you are still close friends than I would say yes, although things turned out like they did he will be happy for you and after all it's been four years. If you and him are not as close but are still chummy and you think he may have strong feelings about the wedding than I would suggest to try inviting him to the reception. He may feel comfortable at the reception and it show him that you still care.

Answer 6

Just invite him as courtesy and out of respect because he is your best friend.

If you don't invite him, it is as if you're trying to hurt him even more and makes things worst.

Apologize for all that you have done wrong and invite him to come saying that he is your best friend and that you would really be happy if he can make it to one of the most important events of your life. Besides, you didn't steal his ex from him. Things didn't work out for them and you have nothing to worry about. The girl just found someone better, which happens to be you. I don't see why you should feel bad about anything or doubtful about inviting him.

By inviting him, you are showing that you still respect him as a friend and not making him feel left-out.

Answer 7

Do you know if he is angry with you?

I would imagine this would be hard for him. I would definitely invite him just because it is the right thing to do, but I wouldn't be so sure he would come. Not inviting him would just feel like another slap in the face to him, and if your relationship isn't already ruined I would think that would do it.

But I'm not saying you're a bad person- I understand we can't always choose who we fall for. Best of luck to you and your fiancee.

Answer 8

Of course you should invite him. But don't expect him to attend if he still carries a torch for the ex, or thinks you betrayed him. The invitation, however, may show him that you still care about the friendship, and that four years later, you and the woman were meant to be together.

Answer 9

Yes, I see your dilemma but either way it will be rude.. If he find out about the wedding and know that you didn't invite him he will be far more upset then if you invited him and wrote him a letter saying you want things to be better between you.

Answer 10

Hell yeah you do. And make sure to make him the best man. But you have to make sure to buy him few shots for good measures.

And if things go good, see if he and she are interested in a 3some. Nothing says love like "Finger Cuffs"