fear of commitment? or am I smothering?

Question

recently my girlfriend and Ihave been arguing and stuff a lot. She has told me that I am smothering her, and that she needs her space. This all started when we were about to move in together. Our habits as far as seeing each other has not chance in 4 months, but all of a sudden now she feels like im around her too much. She will invite me over to her place, and then get mad at me because i "make a move" or just because im there. I have tried giving her some space, but it seems like the more space I give the more she wants me to stay away. I have tried talking to her about it, buying her flowers, and giving her a card. I called off us moving in together indefinately, and told her that we can slow things down. It still doesnt seem to help. She tells me that she doesnt want to break up with me, but at the same time she doesnt seem to want to be with me. What do I do? I really love her, and I know some of this is my fault, i just dont know what to do to make it better, please help!

Answer 1

Hi Keith! Firstly, let me congratulate you on being a good, understanding boyfriend to your girl...from the sound of it, you really do love her. Being a girl myself, I can totally understand what your gf is feeling. U r not smothering her, so dont worry abt tht...tht is NOT the issue. Since you have spoken to her about this, and she says she still wants you around, but when u r around, she gets all hormonal and pushes u away, I'd say that there is one solution to this. Why not try to stay away from her for awhile. Probably go for a holiday away from her, and not contact her for awhile...let's say for 2 weeks till a month. This is a very long time, and I know it's going to be hard...but this is the only way we'll find out what's wrong. Give her the space she needs. Tell her why you're doing this. If she calls you during your vacation, then answer her, as she needs all the support she can get. The problem with us is, that sometimes, though people don't smother us, we just feel smothered...she might be feeling this way. So, give her some time...let her resolve all issues within herself. But then again, 2 things can happen....one, she will run to you yelling 'Dont ever leave me again', with hugs and kisses...or two, she might decide that u and this relationship is not for her. If it is the latter that happens, then at least you know that the relationship is not going anywhere....try this Keith...I did..and I;m much clearer now.

Answer 2

Okay, Pull back and take over. You are allowing her the control the relationship and the more you allow her to do that the more she will run rings around you.

So take control don't be available every time she wants it. Even if you'd like to go. Be unavailable 3 times out of 5.

So in short be a man work on a bit of attitude. When you are with her treat her well, and enjoy her company but don't drop your own life for her you arn't married

Answer 3

to immediately say that something is your fault makes you want to fix it yourself. are you overprotective? too clingy? do you call her too much?.. if so then give the girl some space. but if the answer is no, then it may be something deeper thats troubling her. and in this case shell come and talk to you about whatevers bothering her - eventually. do not call her or text her. it is going to be very hard, but its the only way to see if she wants to be with you anymore. and remember, the moment she realizes that she can walk all over you shes gonna use it in her advantage. believe me. you cant fix something just from one side of the relationship. it has to be mutually.

Answer 4

Ok..this may sound bad n sad but ...
U know when a girl wants 'time apart' it may mean she wants to have time with someone else..however she isnt ready to let u go..fearing the 'other' person isnt as interesting as she thinks...

Im sorry if my predictions are wrong..from my own n many other of my friends...when we say "i need my space" it clearly means.. "stay away but dont go,someone else is interesting to me now"....
There is no reason why a girl wants to be apart from her partner unless she has someone else thats keeping her company..

Girls cant be alone too much..even if they are,they must have someone around thats taking their attention..

Just bare in mind..

And wat can u do?
u dont force or push to be with her..give her that space..
Coz the more u push, the more reason she will find to say that ur suffacating her.. give her that space and just see wat she will say later.. coz she has no excuse rite..

in the meantime..go out with ur friends..
have a good time..(but dont be unfaithful just yet)..
If ur meant to be, u will...
If ur not..at least u are used to hangin with ur friends before anything worst happens..

takecare rite..

ciao!

Answer 5

Talk to her and strictly say that you are willing to give her space and at the same time not be too far away from her otherwise you will walk away....if she can't make up her mind that is....

Answer 6

probably she is confused about her feelings...she herself doesn't know what she wants...it is possible that she is trying to push you away as far as possible and then when you guys are really like not so close then she will break up...my advice is to talk to her...ask her exactly what she wants...if she wants to break up and if she says no then ask her what kind of space does she need? let her explain what exactly she needs...hope this helped, best of luck !

Answer 7

I dnt fink tht u shuld move on???? iz she stress???preganat???or iz she seei sme1 elz.I fink youze two should have an break and date ota peeple,and if uez still hve feelngz fr each ota ten gve it anota go.If tiz iz t much go counselling.

Answer 8

Maybe the two of you need to take a break. Giveher time to decide what she really wants.

Answer 9

If you really love her let her know and just wait it out and see what happens. Love can be difficult at times can't it? I wish you well in your relationship.

Answer 10

Give her the space she seems to crave.

Move on....

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