My daughter is 4 years old . My Boyfriend and I are waiting to tell are daughters that we are going out. His daughter is 8 years old and likes me. I know this guy before his daughter was born. We been going out for 3 weeks I know it is to early now. My daughter like him because of before but she just thinks we are friends. I am a single Mom so there is no Dad in her life.I did not really have a boyfriend until now in less you count that guy I went out with for 11 days since I was 4 months pregnant with her. Single parent when do you take your children to see your Boyfriend/Girlfriend. I am new at going out and now I have a kid I have to watch out for her and not me. I live with my parents to so i still have to tell to. I only with them to help watch my brothers kids and so i can go to school.
2007-05-10 19:52:54 · 10 answers · asked by shorty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've always thought that honesty was the best policy. If the kids KNOW the other person, and like them, then I don't see a reason to keep the news from them. Kids aren't dumb either. They'll figure it out soon no matter HOW careful you are.
2007-05-10 19:58:05 · answer #1 · answered by Rav 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shorty, I am also a single parent who dates. I usually would be with someone 3 to 6 months before introducing them to my kids. Not everyone I have ever dated had the privlige of meeting my kids. You basicly do not want men in and out of your childs life. Make sure it is long term before subjecting your kids to just anyone. My kids have met only three people I have ever dated and they are still in touch even after my relationship was over. Kids do not bounce back as well as we do. Keep that in mind when risking your child building a relationship and then cutting it off somewhere in the future. this can cause trust issues for your child in the future.
2007-05-10 20:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by Reesconfusion 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can appreciate your concern. It's a sign that you are good mom to hear you thinking about her experience when you enter a relationship. Researchers from Rene Spitz to Mary Ainsworth have shown that insults to attachment are much more devistating in children than in adults. I would suggest that the danger is not in her meeting him. After all you can't be that attached to him yourself after only dating for three weeks. The danger is more likely in her suffering some kind of wound to attachment if he were to become important to her and then suddenly absent from her life.
At four she is already talking about many grown up things. She is old enough to talk about difficult topics like sex, death, or anger. While you may contextualize what you convey about difficult topics she will benifit from your compassion and honesty around your new relationship just as if you were talking about other grown up things. I would advise you to keep it simple and true.
I would tell her how much you like him, assure her she is still number one and warn her that you are still getting to know him in this different way and that this may not work.
She has to remain the most important thing in your life. If she feels unsure about that she will find a way to make herself the most important thing in her mom's life. Pile on the love and find time for special time with just you and her.
2007-05-10 20:27:17 · answer #3 · answered by John W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait till thing get serious. I know that when I was dating I was careful not to show my 6 year old daughter that I had girls spend the night. I don't want her to grow up thinking it was ok for me to do that I do believe that I can influence her positively so she won't make mistakes that I have. Let's face it thats what humans do we improve on things we live and learn its sound so simple but hard to do becuase of the temptations of life. if we do the right things the rewards are great. IMO
2007-05-10 20:15:32 · answer #4 · answered by k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a single parent but my mother is, I havn't met any of her dates until at least a month into their relationship (basically she felt if it was serious enough that we would have to meet him). so it wouldn't be any serious crime to let your 4 year old daughter to meet him if you feel that your relationship with him will be a longterm one, there is really no point having your kids meet a guy that you are going to dump in the next couple of weeks anyways.
2007-05-10 20:03:32 · answer #5 · answered by it's National Security 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you feel the relationship is getting very serious. You do not want to have a lot of men in and out of your daughters life. It is not fair for them to start caring for someone and then you break up over and over again.
2007-05-10 19:58:37 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your daughter for advise, ask her if it's okay to go out on a date with him but not to straight forward, because you don't want her to be against it just bring it up once in awhile, like mention I really like him how about you, or go out together with him so that she feels comfortable with it, as far as your parents go, work on your daughters feelings first, because he may become part of her life as she grows older wants you get the answer that you're looking for than tell your parents.
2007-05-10 20:04:49 · answer #7 · answered by J1 M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Introduce her to him when it gets serious. You don't want your daughter to get attached to him, and if it doesn't work out he's gone. She'll have questions, and she'll be hurt by it. Trust me, my mother had many boyfriends, and not a one of them was interested in me and my sisters. That really hurt when I was kid.
2007-05-10 19:58:13 · answer #8 · answered by Becca 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not how old or young your daughter that is more important, the question is if she will understand your situation without forcing her to, if your asking my opinion, for me its not the right time. there is this word "jealousy", i know you know what i mean..
2007-05-10 20:15:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what you can
2007-05-10 19:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by rakesh s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋