How can I help my significant other's children deal with their mother's inconsistent visitation?

Question

My significant other has three wonderful children (6,8 and 12). I have a good relationship with them all and really enjoy spending time with them. A couple of months ago their mother gave full custody to their dad (my SO) so she could pursue a career as a flight attendant. Originally kids thought she would be gone a few days at a time and then home to see them for a few days. Her schedule is mostly weekends allowing her 3-4 days off and at home during the week. In reality she has only had the kids over night 4-5 times since mid-february and when she does see the kids it is once every couple of weeks for maybe four hours after school and then brings them home. I am with them quite a bit and have seen all of them upset because they miss mommy. Any suggestions on how to help them w/ missing her? How can I be supportive of them w/o making them feel like i'm trying to be their mother? I want my own relatinship w/ them & don't want them to feel that I'm ever trying to take her place

Answer 1

Be the consistent parent that you have been. Continue to cook their dinner, help them with their homework, buy them clothes, listen to their sillies and sadness.
It's sad that their mother seems flaky in her duties. You cannot help that, but your consistency and care will cushion the blow I am sure they are feeling.
Your love will not replace the person that they know as "mother" but you need to replace her on the level that they need to know that you will not abandon them, the was SOME mothers do.
No, I don't mean to actually say that stuff to them, but your role now is to be the substitute mom until either the mother decides that her kids are more important than her career or the kids decide for themselves that you are their "real" mother.
Don't be afraid of playing the role. It's a tough role but one that the kids apparently need. They know that you aren't "mom" and they may even resent you as an "impostor" at times but in the end, they will be grateful for the time and care you gave them.

Answer 2

I feel so bad for the children that their bio mom is so self centered however as you know you cannot tell the children that. Just let the children know that you are there for them and you certainly do not want to take their mom's place but you care for them no less. Try doing some family activities when you see the kids down in the dumps. Have movie night,take a walk, ....you know just go out as a family and try to focus their attention elsewhere and by the way enjoy your MOTHER'S DAY

Answer 3

I'm a stepmom to two great girls and I think you're on the right track. Have you tried explaining to them that she doesn't always work the same schedule and can't always see them at the same time each week? I don't think it will matter to the kids if that's not the truth, it's a lot better than telling them that their mother doesn't particularly care about seeing them, which seems to be the truth. Whatever you do, never say anything negative about their mom, but I think you already knew that part. :)