Do you know any good riddles or jokes?

Question

please include answers

Answer 1

I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there: They have no wife to go home to.... OR they do.


One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death.



"Oh, ****!" the woman thought, "what a stupid way to die."



Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman.



Delirious from shock, the woman shouted, "Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!"



The man replied, "Do you suck?"



Stunned at this, the woman said, "No, I don't suck!"



And with that, the man let go of her.



"****!" the woman thought as she began to plummet again.



Suddenly, another set of arms grabbed her at the 9th floor.



"Thank God!" she screamed. "I would have died if it weren't for you!"



The man asked, "Do you ****?"



Absolutely aghast, the woman answered, "No, I don't ****!"



Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there.



Falling again, the woman thought that she would surely die.



Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted, "I suck! I ****!"



"Slut," the man said, and dropped her.


Little Johnny has always had a fascination with sex, and always talked to his parents about it. One evening, the conversation got around to talking about penis's.



Johnny's dad tried to explain it to Johnny in a child like way.



"Well Johnny, your penis sleeps for a very long time. Sometimes when it is around women, it wakes up, stretches and grows to about 5 inches long and..."



"Dad", interrupted Johnny, "That sounds a bit small. Mum said that Bob's next door is twice as big!!!"


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"



The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.


A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar.



"I had sex with another woman last night," he tells her. "But I was thinking of you the whole time."



"You miss me that much?" she asks.



"No", he says. "But it kept me from coming too fast."


"The porn industry totally shut down. They estimate that this porn shutdown has put over 6,000 actors and actresses out of work, 400 cameramen, and 1 writer."

Answer 2

A man is found murdered in his car. He has 3 bullet holes in his chest. however, all of the windows in the car are rolled up and intact, and there are no bulletholes in the metal of the car. the door and window locks are on. he didnt commit suicide. how was this man shot in his car?

Answer 3

Q: Why does it take women longer to reach orgasm than men?



A: Who cares?

Answer 4

okay, here's one

John: I have 1000 warriors and you have 1000 warriors, both side warriors are equally strong and we fight, who will win?

Jack: Don't know, you?

John: Nope, guess again.

Jack: Don't know!!

John: Give up?

Jack: Yup, give up!

John: I will win, because you said give up... xD