He told me he no longer hangs out at strip clubs, but had me pay his credit card for him and the statement pops up immediately. The top listed transaction is a strip club. I am not totally opposed to them but think maybe it should be done together... not in the middle of the work day. I told him early on that I didn't think he was right for me because of his reputation as a party-boy that hangs out in strip clubs all day. I think it's fine for us to visit to spice up our sex life a bit, but for the most part, I think they are degrading to women. His brother hangs out with strippers all the time and has a horrible view of women. I don't know why my boyfriend (father of 2 girls) wants to be associated with that. It really bothers me that he lies about this type of activity.
Am I totally wrong for not wanting him to go? Am I being too controlling? Should I just dump him since he & I obviously don't see eye-to-eye on this sorta thing? It's been a problem for a while now.
2007-05-10 12:01:53 · 16 answers · asked by brassinpocket 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
BTW: We live together with his 3 kids & my one child. I want to be a family but think he's not ready because of his behavior. I don't think he's "up for the job" if you know what I mean.
2007-05-10 12:03:14 · update #1
The thing I'd be most concerned about is the lying. You were honest and upfront regarding the differences in your lifestyles. At that point he had a choice to make, change his ways or accept your choice. But instead he chose to lie, so he could have his cake and eat it too. In my experience, guys who lie habitually do NOT change their ways. Especially if you show him that once you've caught him lying, you let him get away with it. If you do that, you can expect a lot more lying. Taking that into consideration, it really doesn't matter who's right about the morality of strip clubs. Do you really want to be with someone who'd proven he has no problem lying to you when it's convenient? I think you and your child deserve better.
2007-05-13 12:10:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how often he goes. Does he go every week? Every other week? You aren't wrong for not wanting him to go, I can understand it bothering you. As a former dancer, there's a line between going to clubs for fun and going because you're a "regular". I'd say the issue isn't necessarily the strippers, but the lying and money spent (strip clubs are frickin' expensive!) and the frequency in which he goes. If he isn't taking your feelings into consideration and bringing you along or making some sort of compromise, that along with the other stuff I mentioned would be reason enough to break up with him.
2007-05-10 12:14:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Noo! My boyfriend turned 18 in September. I'm only 16 so it really bothered me when he went to a strip club with his 21-year-old brother and their friends. But he came back and nothing changed, everything was fine :) So I promise you you're totally okay to be bothered by this! Just let him go and when he's gone have a girls' night out and remember he loves you!:)
2016-05-20 00:27:25 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets face it... I really doubt that you are going to find anyone that you see eye to eye on everything with. If this is your biggest issue and you are willing to join him, then lay it down for him like that. As for the lying part, that is unacceptable. But maybe he did it to avoid an argument... If you two have a good thing going and everything else is working and your happy then find a happy medium or just let it go. ***As for the degrading thing, no one is forcing them to dance or strip... is it really how strip clubs degrade women? Or does it bother you that he likes to go see other woman naked. Maybe when you find out what really bothers you about him going, you will have a better idea of what to do about it.
2007-05-10 12:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by *E* 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he is inmature and definately not ready to form a family. Of he was, he shoul commit to you and stop hanging out in strip clubs, they deffinately degrade women and in the end the only one who is hurt is yourself. You should stand up to yourself let him know about you true feelings and if he still doesn't change, maybe you should reconsider leaving him... you want to grow as a couple, not hide behind trouble while he's out partying. Consider that. Good Luck!!
2007-05-10 12:08:51 · answer #5 · answered by Marzolia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing inherently wrong with a man going to a strip club once in a while. What's wrong is that he told you he wouldn't and then did it any way. He wants you to love him, blah-blah-blah, but isn't willing to follow thru on his compromises. If he's lying about this NOW, what else is he lying about? Obviously he isn't ready for a real relationship, and given that he's had children with another woman, he never has been. Sorry, but you need to drop this man fast before he ruins your life.
2007-05-10 12:08:00 · answer #6 · answered by Angela M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong and he is not wrong neither is his brother. Why..? well for one Never have him take his credit card to a strip club..Save the CC for you and the kids and your home stripping.. yes do your dance for him at home.. get the kids out of the house if you can and have fun there. About the girls being degrading no the clubs has been around before our time...And about you being wrong for not wanting him to go..? no you are not wrong.. but i notice after women have baby's all the fun goes down hill... if you want to keep him... make things happen @ home to keep him home.. it takes two to make it happen. And it takes two tobe wrong
2007-05-10 12:16:02 · answer #7 · answered by K_LOVE 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
SOMEONE THAT DOES THIS HAS NO RESPECT FOR THE PERSON THEY ARE WITH. I really agree with your thinking on this subject I'm a guy and married for almost 8yrs now and think it would be a better world if all that kind of stuff was abolished. He is degrading you when he goes to these places. I would tell him if he doesn't stop going to these places that you see no reason to continue this relationship.
I think a man is dispectful and a pig to even step a foot into these places if they are with someone. If it is something you are comfortable doing with him as a couple that is one thing. Really though he is lusting over a person dancing on a stage?.
2007-05-10 12:21:25 · answer #8 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you confide in him and tell him that you don't like what he is doing, he should be willing to change. I know that it would be tough to break up with him since you two have three children, but do what you have to do. I mean if you're okay with him going to the strip club, don't break up with him. But if you found out that he is cheating with a slutty stripper, kick him to the curve.
2007-05-10 12:08:29 · answer #9 · answered by actress4life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your right he shouldn't be going in the middle of the day. I'm not opposed to strip clubs either but i think you should go once in a while, could rev up ur sex life. good luck
2007-05-10 12:06:00 · answer #10 · answered by mistressjenna86 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋