I used to look for love in all the wrong places and now its effecting my relationship with my bf, he wants a relationship where touching and kissing arent required to be loving and happy and i totally agree with him, but im the most comfortable with him when we make out or kiss. Its not healthy to only feel loved there, but i cant help it. when we dont do that stuff i get really sad. I agree with his morals, but emotionally im distraught
2007-05-10 09:11:20 · 7 answers · asked by inquistive1826 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
*** i was sexually abused and i was asking if this situation with my boyfriend is because of the abuse
2007-05-10 09:18:05 · update #1
The need for physical love is probably the most common effect of sexual abuse. May I recommend you get into a good counseling program to help you work out any issues you may need to deal with? Check with your local churches - ours has a wonderful program in which formerly abused people find peace and ways to overcome any sexual obsessions or issues they may have in order to experience healthy relationships.
I wish you well!
2007-05-10 09:24:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you saying your bf was sexually abused? If so the damage can be far and wide. Any sexual contact may scare him and bring up the abuse or he could go the other way and become an abuser himself.
Something is very wrong when a person wants no touching and kissing with someone they love. It is a very natural and normal part of expressing love.
I have never heard of 'morals' having to do with not touching or kissing someone you love!. Don't buy it. He is hiding behind 'morals' as an excuse.
He sounds severly damaged. If it were I , I would insist that he go for help like see a counselor or I would definately not stay in the relationship.
As is, he lacks total capacity for physical expreassion of his feelings for you. That is not a relationship between people who love each other.
2007-05-10 16:23:50 · answer #2 · answered by KathyL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like it is an effect of being sexually abused. The only way you know how to have a relationship is with sex b/c that is what you were taught. I suggest some therapy to help you.
2007-05-10 16:22:43 · answer #3 · answered by La-Te-Da 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am sorry if you were abused sexually. as a child, i was never abused sexually, but i feel the same way about relationships as you do. it bothers me if i don't get that touchy feely lovey dovey daily life. I get really depressed,and it really has nothing to do with sex. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. he's the same way as yours. I'm telling you, honey, get out now. there are plenty of guys out there, and there are tons of them that love to be touchy feely. I miss kissing and hugging and holding terribly. I love my guy, don't get me wrong, but if i'd known we'd still be phisically distant this long, i would have ended it much sooner than now. talk to him. tell him how you feel, and make him see that you NEED that to be whole.
good luck, honey. hope everything works out!!
2007-05-10 16:19:44 · answer #4 · answered by Silver Thunderbird 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
what has your story got to do with sexual abuse?, if you agree with his morals, which I doubt, there is no abuse, you are a consenting adult and responsible for your own choices. If you don't agree with a sexless relationship, then you'd best find someone else, and stop whining about what you can't and won't get from your current bf.
2007-05-10 16:15:40 · answer #5 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Enjoy the moments you hav because when you find someone that doesnt always think about sex, that's lyk husband material, especially when you hav things in common.
2007-05-10 16:15:29 · answer #6 · answered by jamaican101gurl 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
post traumatic stress disorder that's what i have
2007-05-10 16:16:36 · answer #7 · answered by mkandfa4rever 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋