The guest date debate...?

Question

My boyfriend was invited to a childhood friend's wedding. The invitation is addressed ONLY to him. No "Mr. Smith AND GUEST." Am I wrong to feel slightly offended by this??

My boyfriend & I have been dating over 2 years. We've been very serious for some time, living together. We're definately not "on & off again." We're in our late 20s.

I'm totally annoyed. Am I over reacting?

Answer 1

I don't think you're wrong to be VERY offended by this, especially if it was done on purpose. Once you're living together (as a couple, not as roommates), you should be invited to a wedding by name. One half of a couple living together should not be invited without the other half, even if the people getting married don't like the one they're leaving off. It's just tacky and rude to judge another person's relationship like that. Either invite both or neither.

It may have been an honest oversight on the part of the couple getting married - maybe they didn't know he was living with his partner, though I have a hard time excusing that because when we did our invites, we tried to make sure that we not only got the names of everyone being invited, but that they were spelled correctly as well.

If you think this may be the case, your boyfriend should call his friend and let them know he is living with his girlfriend. At this point, the groom should invite you, but if he doesn't it's okay for your boyfriend to ask if he can bring you as his date.

If you were left off on purpose for whatever reason, take comfort in the fact that that's just rude. I would leave it up to your boyfriend to decide whether or not he wants to go, and not try to guilt him into staying home. He has to decide how important this friendship is to him, and he also has to deal with any family issues. Insisting he doesn't go just makes you look petty and small.

Try to be the bigger person in this and hopefully he'll make the right decision not to go. If he does decide to go without you, let him know that you don't agree with him but you respect his decision and go out and have a good time with your friends.

Answer 2

Well some weddings aren't budgeted to allow guest. That said, any spouses should be included. I believe those in a serious relationship should also count as well. So yeah, I'd be pretty annoyed myself. Perhaps have him call, see if he can bring a guest. If not, talk to him about how you feel. Personally, I wouldn't attend a wedding my significant other wasn't invited to, but again that's a personal decision.

And by the way, I read through the answer & have to touch on something, if it's a "moral problem" like someone suggested due to livin together, they shouldn't have invited him at all either. So don't let that influence your decision on what to do.

Answer 3

You're definitely over reacting.

I was in the same situation. My fiance's childhood friend invited him to his wedding (rehearsal dinner and the whole shebang), but not me. Since we're planning our wedding I know how important it is to keep the guest list at a certain amount, because the more people, the more it'll cost. We're not allowing our guests to bring a guest unless we know for sure they have a significant other. And since I don't know his friend, I understood why I would be left out.

That being said, this is how we handled the situation: My fiance really wanted me to come (it's in Lake Tahoe and I've never been before), so he told his friend about me and the fact we're getting married, and asked if he could bring me along. He also told him he understands if they weren't able to accommodate for the extra person, that's completely understandable as well. so his friend talked it over with is soon to be wife and I can come!

So the moral of the story is to see if your boyfriend will ask if you can come, but you have to be OK with not going. After all, it's just a wedding, it's not that big a deal.

Answer 4

I would say that his childhood friend might not know if he has a significant other so I really wouldn't be offended. I can say with planning a wedding that you are concious of who you invite due to reception cost but that doesn't mean that thought translated into the invitations. You can only count for 2/3 of your people showing up. There will be plenty of room for you to join him if he asks. He shouldn't feel weird about asking because he is at the age where he could/should bring a date. Make sure he calls ahead and makes arrangements, but I am positive they didn't leave you out on purpose especially if you bring a gift LOL! Anyway, the person sending out the invites probably didn't even think about it, its an honest mistake and they will probably be happy to correct it. As a bride-to-be, I would for sure and we are already inviting over 350 guests....there is always room for one more to party. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

I think it's kind of rude for them to expect him to NOT bring you. If you had just been casually dating for a few months, that's one thing. But you've been together over 2 years, I think it's a bit inconsiderate for them to leave you out. Do you guys not get along? Is there any reason, other than financial, that they wouldn't invite you? Maybe they're trying to keep it really small (Like under 50). IF that is the case, it sucks but is understandable. If it's a big to do, I'd be a little miffed. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it. If he wants to go without you, let him. I wouldn't put any pressure on him to ditch the wedding for you, as rude as the lack of invite was. Let him make his own choice on this, otherwise it may end up causing problems between you two.

ETA If his friend doesn't know he has a SO after 2 years, he isn't much of a friend at all.

Answer 6

Maybe your boyfriends' childhood friends' fiance (are u with me still lol.) did the invitations.... does she know you or your boyfriend? We are working on our wedding invitation list and there are some of my fiances friends that i dont know and have no clue if they are dating someone or even if they are married. Don't be offended.....if your boyfriend and this couple are close why not have him ask if you can come....it may have just been something that was overlooked and you would be more than welcomed...if it's a money thing and they are limited on the # of people they can have..... you should be understanding and tell your boyfriend to go...and meet up with him later maybe :)

Answer 7

I don't think you're overreacting. I think it's understandable to be upset. However there are many factors that could attribute to their decision. Have you hung out with the couple? If they live furhter away do they know he is seeing someone for 2 years? On the other hand, my fiance and I are planning our wedding, and for one of my friends I am only putting his name on the invitation and he lives with his girlfriend and they have been together for almost 3 years. Why? Because I can't stand her. I won't get into details as to why exactly...but I don't think you're over reacting. Have your boyfriend mention it to the couple and see if why it was only addressed to him and not 'and guest'

Answer 8

I would be annoyed, too. Rules of etiquette say that they should invite you. But you never know. Maybe they are having a very small wedding and argued for hours about how to cut down the list to a number they could afford. You can be annoyed for a while, but then let it go.

Answer 9

Do they know you? Are they close to you? Many people don't invite "and guest" because it's expensive, and if they don't know you, you're an easy way to cut down on costs. Don't hate on having a cheap wedding, wedding prices are ridiculous. If you don't want him go alone, keep him home and send a small present and card (it's rude to not send anything if he's been invited).

Answer 10

Strange. Most single people get an invitation that reads " Mr. Joe Blow and Guest". Apparently this friend didn't realize that, so chalk it off as ignorance. Perhaps your boyfriend would like to attend the wedding, but no one likes to go to a reception alone. What were those people thinking??