Younger-looking ladies, do you have this same problem?

Question

I tend to get offended when strangers refer to me as "hon" or "sweetie". To me, they are terms reserved for friends, family, and children. I'm entering my mid-twenties and I will admit that I look fairly young (I've been told I could easily pass for fifteen with no makeup on), but I can't help but feel patronized when women not much older or younger than myself say this to me. It's like they assume they know me and/or how old I am. It isn't flattering, it just tends to annoy me. Maybe I'm just uptight but does this ever bother anyone else? I feel like people shouldn't refer to strangers like that... It just seems more cordial.

I understand it's more commonplace down south, but I'm in in the northeast.

Answer 1

They are wrong to do this. I always assume that I could possibly be wrong in guessing someones age. I used to work in a surgeon's office and no matter how old someone looked I NEVER assumed and asked for his/her Medicare card. I never assume someone very young looking is not an adult.

You are right in it being patronizing. It is patronizing to teen age girls too.

I do know that these people do not know they are being offensive. They consider it a natural way of talking.

I am much older than you and I don't mind being called hon or sweetie because I know the other person is not being patronizing as it is obvious I am not a child.

I am jealous though. When you get older you will be thrilled with looking younger than your years. I know it doesn't help now though.

Answer 2

In a professional situation, no. Generally it is just an affectionate way of speaking that has nothing to do with your age. When it is woman to woman I don't get at all concerned it is when it is male to female it tends to be most condicending. Context is everything!

At your age you are making a transittion into adulthood...getting your stride on the new plateau. At my age, someone in their mid-twenties seems a lot younger than they did when I was twenty! Granted, a lot of people think they are grown ups...but are they reeeeeally! LOL! So who can say. It's how you carry yourself!

I soemtimes use those terms. I am a very young looking fifty year old. People sometimes look surprised when I use them. It is not disrespectful the way I am using them. I am a feminst! They are spoken with warmth and reasurance and they flow out in a natural unaffected way from the heart. It seems to happen most with children but I have used those words to friends older than I am. I have used them on strangers in moments where the person is upset...things like that. Some people are more empathetic of other people.

Short story time! I had just met someone who turned out to be very huggy. Now I love a good hug...but she was VERY huggy. I wasn't used to that and didn't know how to take it. It made me very uncomfortable. In time, I found her to be a very genuine person. I got used to her and she got used to me. LOL!

Personal growth moment! Your personal insecurities are showing sweetie....giggle wink. ;-)

Peace!

PS After reading some of your answers here I am beginning to think that this is an American fobia! Gee, you are making a big thing out of this. I would be more worried about being called a 'girl' rather than a 'woman'. This is a much more litteral translation of what you are saying and it is quite popularised. Or 'ho' or the other nonsense that goes on like dumb blonde jokes. Those things are really disrespectful of women!

So as a Canadian, I respectfully agree to disagree.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I understand and I feel the same way, I don't like pet names from strangers either! But there seems to be a great regional difference in how often pet names are used, and with all the migration and also just personal preferences, there are some people who'll use these even in the Northeast and just about anywhere else... I realise these people generally mean well, and are trying to be nice rather than patronising, so I do my best to ignore it. But I agree with you, it's difficult to ignore, it's really annoying. These endearments suggest some much closer relationship to me too, and from a total stranger I don't like them one bit!

Answer 4

Angela,
I generally try to call even teenagers by "young lady". I understand where you are coming from. Realize that each of us has a different background and see things a little differently. I would NEVER call you "hun" for any reason and at any time. I feel that "sweetie" is between two people who are very close. I do call my wife "sweetie" or "cutie pie" but not generally in public. We have been married for 31 years and we were high school sweethearts. I know her quite well. Have a wonderful day and a great weekend, young lady.
Thanks,
Eds, Christian

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Answer 5

I don't really mind being called 'hon' or 'sweetie', but it drives me crazy when people think I'm younger then I am. I'm 21, and I've been told I could pass for 13 or 14. I've had cashiers laugh in my face when I tried to buy cigarettes or alcohol. People need to have some respect! I completely sympathize with you.

Answer 6

I am the same age as you and think about the other options. Would you rather people see you as 40 than 20? Don't worry about it. And the fact remains, if you looked 40 those same little school girls would still be hitting on you.

Answer 7

Yes, I do not like strangers, people I don't even know, calling me such nick names because it is patronizing.

Unless I consider the person a good friend, or etc... I do take strong offense to it. A stranger or mere acquaintance who I've rarely talked to saying it is definately crossing a boundary, they are assuming they are closer to you than they are.

On a similar note, the same goes with first names. I also don't like it when strangers call me by my first name (when I haven't asked them to). To me, that's just impolite. But having someone I don't really know call me "sweetie" is a good way to get on my bad side.

Answer 8

i have the same problem. people a year or two older than me will say "aw she is so cute" i work at a mortgage company so i am often on the phone with clients and they always call me sweetie and honey and talk to me like i am five years old. i have been in this business for 3 years. people tell me i couldn't possibly be over 16 but i am in my mid twenties. i really don't like it because it feels like they are talking down to me. even if that is not their intention that is how it feels and i don't like it. especially when strangers do it because they don't know me and they shouldn't call me "pet names"

Answer 9

Yeah, it annoys me too. Especially some silly old clerk in a supermarket or something. I'm not your f**king sweety. Go and give your own kids diabetes instead. I'm a customer so treat me with some respect, damnit!
;)

Answer 10

I used to get very irritated by this, I wouldn't even let my boyfriends call me by petnames. Then I moved to the South, and just had to get over it, or stay mad. Now, I don't mind so much. And it's not just how young you look, they'll probably still do it when you are 40.