Well me and my brother were the closest growing up. Shared a room even though I could have shared with my sister. We were two of a kind, and he respected me for my knowledge and friendship. That all changed when he became an adult and I had to tell him I caught his girl cheating. He yelled at me, and quit talking to me, our relationship was never the same because I was afraid he was violent. We became closer about 2 yrs. ago again, he is chronically suicidal and depressed, and I didn't want to cut him off, so I would drop everything to be there for him, even when I had a colicky baby and was getting 1-2 hrs. of sleep a night. Well he has a new girl and she cussed out my mom and threatened her. My mom is like a cookie cutter mom, super nice, like on TV so she didn't deserve it. I told my bro that I witnessed the girl being aggressive towards my mom and wasn't going to allow it. Now its been 1 month no contact, and he missed my sons 1st bday. He doesnt want help, do i just quit trying?
2007-05-10 05:30:43 · 12 answers · asked by Sweetness 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He has a pattern to let the girls pick him, then gets depressed and suicidal when they don't become what he wants. Its just this ongoing thing that never ends. He has spent his whole adult life suicidal. He will be 30 this year. I just feel like crap that he at least can't be there for my son - he's my son's only uncle. He is never there for me, although I have made huge sacrifices to support him and be there for him. I am getting tired of feeling used in my relationships because I'm always the one doing all the work while they reap the benefits, and are nowhere to be found when I could use a friend or support.
2007-05-10 05:36:50 · update #1
He was present when his gf cussed my mom out. The reason I told him about the aggressive behavior is she was going to try to jump my mom with 3 other people. I wanted him to realize that his problems with her was affecting the whole family - not to tell on her. Just so he would understand that his problems were becoming everyone's problems. My family doesn't even talk to her or see her in their lives, this was a chance encounter. So a few of you were off base with your comments. But the gf is also our 6th cousin which is against our cultural beliefs. So we don't have anything to do with her personally. She was just mad at my mother for being there when my brother called to tell her about their problems. My mother did nothing directly towards her. Also my mom did stand up to her and tell her off. for cussing at her.
2007-05-10 06:09:59 · update #2
Your expectations are way too high for your brother. Lets say he was there for your son? Do you really want a depressed suicidal person as an influence in his life? You need to just forget your brother and concentrate on making your own family. You cant do a thing for your brother. Until he decides he wants help and gets it he is nothing but a problem. Its time for you to move on and just take care of the ones who need you....your own children.
2007-05-10 05:47:14 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, first of all. Your mom is a grown women and has a mouth and can tell her to get out of her house and or tell her to shut up and knock it off. You could have even told the new girlfriend to shut up if u were there when it was happeneing. Other than that....... why do you feel the need to run and tell your brother? He is obviously an adult and doesn't need you to bad mouth his girlfriend. Think about how you would feel if your boyfriend or husband and you had a fight and you went and told your mom how awful he was to you and said such awful things to you. So then you have your mom mad at him to now. So you see him later on and you make up and life is grand. In the meantime mom calls and asks how the jerk is? The jerk? You get upset, it is ok for you to call him a jerk but not anyone else.
Your brother is well aware of his girlfriend and her actions. But he and only he can make the choice to keep her in his life or not. And your telling on her is childish darlin.
I would sit down and write him a letter and tell him your sorry for anything you have said or done to upset him, you only wanted to do what you felt was best. And from now on, you will let him live his life as he sees fit. Tell him you just want him back into your life and your child / childrens lives. And maybe reading the words will make him understand and then there is no room for a fight to start. Just let him know you love him and want him to be apart of it all and he will understand and come around sweetie. Good luck
2007-05-10 05:49:01 · answer #2 · answered by jungljn 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, you can only do so much to help anyone. Friend or sibling.
Unfortunately your brother is taking out on you what his girlfriends have done wrong. Which is not fair to you.
It seems obvious that your brother needs some help, and should get some counseling for his depression. But only he can take that step unless he tries to hurt himself or someone else.
The next time you see you brother, just tell him you love him and always will, but you will no longer interfere in any of his relationships. Then do not tell him anything about any of his girlfriends.... Let him find out on his own.
In an instance like with your mom that you witness. Step between your mom and the girl and tell her to back off.
Take care of your little family and pray for your brother's good health....
2007-05-10 05:38:35 · answer #3 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family can hurt you more than anyone else. You can not control what your brother does. Just let him be and make his own way. Hopefully, he will straighten out one day. You have a family you need to think about. You child does not need a depressed person around them all the time.
My youngest sister broke up my marriage and is with my ex husband (37 years married) We raised this person. She has not spoken to me since he walked out and I called her and told her I knew they were having and affair. My ex is still with her . My children call it friendship, so they can deal with it. My ex and my kids think , I should not mind if she is there for all the holidays . I can't stand her , in fact I hate her. I know that is not good but I do. My family fell apart. It has been 5 years and I am just starting to pick up the pieces. I never see my sister and I ever getting it together. That was her choice when she deceided to have an affair with my husband. She will someday reap what she has sown. I hope I am there to sit back and see her suffer the pain she has caused me.
2007-05-10 05:44:34 · answer #4 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to quit trying...but maybe that would be the best thing to do. Let him think about his actions and how unfair hes being. He will realize eventually when hes missed out on half of your childs life! But then again, some people jsut dont learn and never realize...so its a tough situation...depends on the person i guess. Youve done your part, he knows you care...thats all you can do.
2007-05-10 05:35:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Messengers of 'bad news' are rarely received kindly. Okay, so your mom didn't deserve the treatment she got.. then it was your mother's place to handle the incident, if she chose to do so.
It seems you have a history of relaying unfortunately incidences and behaviours of your brother's girlfriends. I would simply contact him, let him know you love him and are there for his emotional and moral support.... and leave it at that. In the future you may wish to refrain from 'being the messenger'.
Best wishes and good luck.
2007-05-10 05:37:56 · answer #6 · answered by Su Z Cue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are a loving daughter and sister. Please know that you cannot control your brother's reactions to situations in life. As long as you do what you have to do and you know you have done the right thing, then be happy with yourself and give the rest to God.
The people we love can be hurtful at times but I've learned that I have to make my peace, pray for the situation and pray for them.
Best wishes! Have a great weekend!
2007-05-10 05:47:03 · answer #7 · answered by Buff 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing for him. He needs to learn to stand on his own 2 feet and realize things aren't going to always go his way. This is the real world not Burger King.
2007-05-10 05:41:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you love him, your brother has emotional problems and you cannot help him. He has to go get counseling and help for himself. Also, I do think you should not have told him about his new girlfriend cussing out your mother. If your mother has a backbone, she'll tell him herself!! Why are you the family bad guy? Your mother raised this son and she is the one who should be helping him get to counseling, etc.
2007-05-10 05:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
nicely, in case you disagree with something don't be afraid to inform them. you may not basically allow your relations give way, and in case you do not attempt something to re-light them it truly is what would ensue. And in the adventure that they could't make an settlement which ever you pass for Christmas, the different part will be offended at you. My suggestion in case you're trying to get the edges to artwork it out, and they don't, do not pass to both part's Christmas.
2016-10-18 06:52:28 · answer #10 · answered by rothi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋