Discipline....what works for you?

Question

I have 3 children..a 2 y/o girl and 4&6 y/o boys.
My major issues with them are as follows
my 2yo thinks she can run out of the house anytime no one is looking (meaning i cant go to the toilet with out her running outside) she knows how to unlock/unchain the door...

my 4 y/o WHINES...it is almost like he is incapable of talking in anything other than a whiny voice...he is also very rambunctions and has a hard time remembering directions

my 6 y/o is a little smartass. he has a remark for everything. if i tell his brother to do something, he feels the need to butt in about it. he is otherwise a well behaved child...he just cant seem to control himself from back talking...

with the oldest, we have come up with a time out like soloution. i have tried spanking (and i am not opposed to it) we have tried time outs, we have tried taking priviledges and nothing seems to work...so WHAT WORKS FOR YOU...and if you have any links to goo parenting websites please post them :)

Answer 1

Discipline comes from the Latin "to teach". That is its goal. If you think of it as a lesson and don't worry about there being punishment, it becomes easier to see how to overcome a problem. I have two boys (4 and 2) and they are so rambunctious that we have had to resort to actually using bike chains and padlocks on most of our cupboards and adding a backwards deadbolt on our door (I lock it with a key during the day so that firemen or other emergency personnel could get in). Its not that they are naughty, they are curious, smart and want to be grown up. For your 2-yr-old, change a lock or somehow (if she can't get through the plastic doorknob covers, they will work) keep her from being able to get to the knob. Four-year-olds are usually whiny, it is part of their development, theyare maturing in their understanding of the world and they desire greater freedom but have trouble expressing it and are not usually trusted to make decisions etc by their parents. It is also a really good way to get attention as I don't know anyone who can have that noise in the background for long. Our son is coming out of the whiny phase (although he still has his moments). What we did is to simply tell him that whining is annoying and we can't understand him, if he feels frustrated, angry or needs to whine, he may do it in his room. If he needs something or help from us, he needs to ask properly (Mom, I need help please.) He would still whine, but since it didn't accomplish anything, he quit.
As for your older boy, spend two days being a smartalec back. It will be fun for him for an hour or two, then it won't be so much fun anymore. Do not answer any question or make any kind of communication without is being smart. The morning of day three, ask him what he thought of it. Explain that it is okay to be funny, but he needs to do it with respect and he needs to mae sure that he is not hurting anyone's feelings or making life tough for anyone (like butting in when you are speaking to his siblings).
I have nearly 20 years of experience with kids, at-risk, behaviorally challenged, disabled. The one thing that always works is to remember that there should be a lesson. Punishment is worthless, how many of us remember the "lesson" that our parents had taught us when we were spanked, how many criminals come out of prison better criminals? Tackle each behavior as the opportunity to teach your kids something that they will need to know to be good adults. After all, raising obedient kids helps no one (not even the kid), raising thoughtful, successful adults helps us all.

Answer 2

The corner!! my youngest hated it. I did have to hold her there sometimes.
I also take something away (favorite toy) every time they whine, have fit, run outside, smart off. Keep it where they can see it but not have it for at least one day and night. Once she had 20 thing there.
I also use a tally marks, each time she does it I make a tally mark on a note card at the end of the day she turns over that much stuff, that way they realize how many times it happens, and I make them pick it out of their favorite things. And to get the stuff back they can have no fits etc. for the whole day and night.
The biggest key is consistancy, kids know when they can push and push and you wont follow through (been there myself) it truely took around 3 months to get her under control, just dont cave no matter how tired or mad you are stick to your punishment and only give 1 warning no matter what. And once it seems under control you cant back off or it will set you back a mile.
It will be a miserable few months, but a much happier life for all of you once they are broke of the behavior.
On the following directions, just give him one thing at a time, my sister was that way, and it really overwhelmed her, it helps a lot if you give them one thing, once finished give the next.
Also sleep is major for kids especially whiney ones, half the time they can just be exhausted. My youngest took her naps every day and had to have a set bed time, or her horns would show. And she napped unitl she was 5 1/2. And still does when she gets really whiney, even a half hour can make a huge difference in her bahavior.

Answer 3

For your 2 year old can you get a chain that is way too high for her to reach? one at your level but not hers? Plus every time you catch her going that way even though shes not going to succeed leaving give her a swat on the butt and say "NO you have to wait for mommy or daddy".

For your 4 year old that whines get down to his level look at him in the eye and say " I'm sorry but mommy can't understand you when you whine, so when you are ready to talk to me like a big boy let me know". Hes learned that you get annoyed with his whining and just to get him to stop he gets his way....IGNORE IT and he will do what is expected once you have instructed what is expected.

For the back talking with the 6 year old take away a privilege EVERY time he decides to put his 2 cents in...UNLESS he has a good point...don't put him down for having a good point. He will soon figure out that if he doesn't learn to control his mouth that he wont be allowed to do ANYTHING and he will stop.

Answer 4

tell the 4 year old that the next time he whines, than he gets a swat. Tell the 6 year old the next time he makes a smart remark, he is getting spanked. After the first time you do it, things will get better.

Answer 5

umm to the corner for all of them the first time!! Then if again spank them! My mom would give me 3 hard smacks on the bottom for running outside without permishin

Answer 6

Time out always worked for us. I did it just like the old "Dennis the Menace" comic strip - I sat them in a chair facing the corner and they could not move or talk until the timer went off (1 minute per year of age, more for worse offenses). VERY important to work on the smartmouthing NOW - it only gets worse.

For your two yr old - you probably should install either a hook & eye latch or some other type of additional lock to keep her in. From the sounds of it you may need an additional lock well into her teen years!

Answer 7

Spank them once on the butt and send them to their room. After a few minutes they come out and apologize. If it is something serious I usually take away their gameboy or no time on the computer plus send to their room.

Answer 8

Rub soap on a warm wash cloth and have them sit down and chew on it. I did this with my son after the school and day care threatened to suspend him. I did it once and that's all it took for me. Nothing else seemed to work for him, so I did it out of desperation. Don't spank, it definitely sends the wrong message and you will have worse problems down the road. I moved all my locks up real high on the doors. Don't be reluctant to ask for help with escape proofing your residents. Those are the things that have no lesson to learn.

Answer 9

DEAR MISS

SPANKING ON THE BOTTOM WORKS FOR ALL AGES

FROM AGE (2-19) AND IT ONLY TAKES A WALK TO

YOUR BED ROOM SHUT YOUR DOOR AND TAKE CARE

OF THE BUSINESS AT HAND AND NO MORE

PROBLEMS OK

GOOD LUCK

AND

TAKE CARE

Answer 10

I would spank the 2 year old. (I normally don't spank for every little thing but her going outside without anyone could harm her.)

the older ones I would give them 3 strikes. first time...in the corner. Second time....make them do something that they hate to do. My mom made me wash baseboards. My friend's kids love to clean so she uses a physical activity. Like if they are outside they have to run laps. or if they are inside she makes them stand up against a wall and slide down the wall and sit like sitting in a chair (but with no chair) It hurts and will get their attention. Hopefully they want have to go to #3 but if they do you should spank them. make them go to their room and wait before you go in ( this is always the worst part) I hope this helps and does not seem to harsh for you. This is the way my mom would do me and my brothers. My daughter is 2.5 and I have to spank her (I really hate to do it though) but when she gets older I am going to give her the 3 strikes rule. Good Luck!