Is this normal? Please help?

Question

My husband sometime cannot control himself when it some to our 17 month old twins. He loses his patients and gives up and walks away. it sometime feels like he is another child. what can we do.

Answer 1

Leave him alone with them even more! It's his problem and HE HAS TO GET OVER IT!!!

Answer 2

There is nothing normal about a parent allowing his or her child(ren) to run the show. Your husband has to realize that he is in charge not your twins. So long as he gives up, he's leading the twins to believe that they can do what they want, and the situation will only get worst. I am a very impatient person myself, and allowed my children to run wild. It became stressful, so I took back control. He may need to step back and first calm hisself, then deal with the situation. Think of ways to discipline the twins (time outs, point charts) so that they are aware that what you two says, goes. Make sure that you talk to them and explain that what they are doing is wrong, and why it is wrong (yes, I'm aware that they are 17mnths) Trust me, it works. Oh, and give verbal praise when they do the right, so that they can decifer the difference between right and wrong. Also so that they can feel good about doing the right thing. Good Luck with your twins.

Answer 3

I don't know exactly what you mean by "cannot control himself" - what does he do? I hope he is not presenting any harm to the twins. It is normal for new parents to be impatient however, it is something they will need to work on. Having two children to care for and love might be a bit much - and men usually don't bear the weight of the caregiving most of the time. It might be that your husband may need some counseling. You can't loose control or patience when you have to care for children. I know two can be overwhelming, but he's got help - you - and it's not unusual for parents to be overwhelmed- but I do suggest getting help.

Answer 4

I am a mom of 16 month old twins and sometimes I have to walk away too. When they are this young, they don't understand that throwing food at you isn't fun - they get a reaction of sorts and it's funny to them. I get upset when I've repeatedly said "throwing your food on the floor is not acceptable behaviour, please don't do that, that makes mommy sad"... sometimes I've had a really hard day at work and that just tips me and I need a break. It's not easy to spend an entire day at work babysitting idiot co-workers and cleaning up after them to go home to two babies that have also had a bad day and are tired, and frustrated that they can't do something.
I get my hubby to sub in for me and I'll go upstairs and get their pj's ready and tidy up their room for 5 minutes or so.
I don't think there's anything wrong with him needing to walk away. Having twins is HARD!
Please don't misunderstand me, I LOVE my girls, but sometimes you just need a few minutes alone.

Answer 5

I'm glad that he has the sense to walk away when he's frustrated. At least he's not taking his frustration and anger out on the babies!

You may want to pick up a parenting book or magazine for him to read. Help him to understand some basics on child development. He may do well to read up on anger management as well. Maybe the two of you can take a parenting class together, work as a team on this. Most hospitals have parenting classes you can take, try the one that you delivered at.

Answer 6

It's that time of their lives where they're going to push the limits a bit. They're learning discipline but it isn't easy especially if just one of you is doing the teaching.

We have an 18m old that I take care of while working from home (stay at home dad) and I can tell you that my wife doesn't like being at home with the little one and our four year old for long stretches because the kids don't listen to her very well but they do to me. Part of that is because I'm the disciplinarian and she's the "soft touch." When she can't handle them, she'll call me and she walks away so she won't yell at them.

She tries to do better and I try to help but she sometimes doesn't want to listen to me as I try to give her advice because I haven't found a way to discuss it with her so that I don't sound like I'm talking down to her. I think if you work with your husband and try to tell him what you do in certain situations, it might help. Also, working together with the children makes it easeir for all involved.

Answer 7

Its better he walk away then lose his patience. My husband is like this and always has been. I pretty much do it all. He is good at taking them to ballgames and other sporting events here there and everywhere. I hate driving and get more irritated with the daily practice schedule but when it comes to discipline he loses his cool and doesnt know how to deal so I take care of that.

Answer 8

My husband is also this way with our four year old. I would say that it is good that he walks away...ive see some parent that just start hitting the children and do not know when to just walk away and cool down...every parent has moment where they need a break. some men just have problems when it comes to children...dont nag him or make him feel like you are coming down on him. I think you should sit down and talk to him about what is bothering him when it comes to your children. Try to help him understand the techniques you use and this could help him

Answer 9

I would recommend you both to read a few books about practical parenting like Supernanny books or Family First by Dr.Phil.They explain in easy to understand language how to deal with various problems regarding kids.And the most important thing: both of you will have to be on the same page if it comes to parenting.You and your hubby can't do and say different things to your kids, this way they get ambiguous messages and get confused .Kids need predictability, structure and discipline.And I think parents should educate themselves in that matter, because they are raising adults.

Answer 10

Better that he walks away than hauls off and beats them. Dealing with twins is not always an easy thing to do. You should know this. The way he deals with stress and the way you do are obviously different. Believe it or not, walking away from a stressful situation is a very responsible thing to do.

Answer 11

he needs a smack in the face!

no, seriously, he needs to put on his big boy pants, take a deep breath and raise his kids.
HOWEVER...twins can be overwhelming and i'd rather my husband walk away when he's frustrated than shake a baby or lose his temper.

there was a day that i was christmas shopping and my husband was home with our infant son. parker was screaming and throwing a fit and mommy can calm him down, but i wasn't there....my husband was a trooper and hung in there, but he admitted that for a moment he had to pu him in his crib, turn on his mobile and walk out of the room. he felt awful for doing it, but i assured him that he didn't scar him for life and he did the right thing.

anytime a parent gets to that breaking point, they need to take a moment, calm down and then come back to the situation.
i think that shows good restrain on his part.

NOW...my question is...does he leave you to deal with it or does he come back to help after he collects himself?

if he is leaving you to it and isn't getting a grip and then getting back in the game, then he needs to put on his big boy pants and deal with his kids!

there's nothing to really "do". he needs to learn how to control himself like an adult and a father and that's that.

take care.