My fiance has two children wit his ex girlfriend of 4 years. In the beginning of our relationship he slept with her once whic i did not find out until later. My fiance and I are okay and I am even decently civil with her because our children obvioiusly are siblings. I want his other children to be in/attend the wedding but I do want her present on my day of happiness. My fiance says its up to me but I know his family will be mad if i dont invite her because they still keep her around and believe she is queen because she had his children first. What to do?
2007-05-10 04:45:50 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We attended my father's wedding without my mother but we were also teenagers. As much as this may annoy you, it's much easier to just invite her and let her decide what she's going to do. While a lot of folks daydream, well those that have been dumped may daydream, about ruining their exes wedding very few people would do that. As much for the kids, who sound relatively young, as for your own self--because I'd hate for you to wonder if he only went through with it because she wasn't there--just invite her so she can share in their joy with them. If she does act crazy she can be escorted out and your future in-laws will get to see her in a different light. She doesn't have to be seated with you at the reception but just extend the invitation.
I plan on sending an invitation to my boyfriends first set of in-laws (his wife died) and while I don't expect them to attend I want them to know they were thought about and we acknowledge their place in his life.
2007-05-10 05:58:18 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here's an interesting twist to the question. Why would she want to go to your wedding? Wouldn't that be equally as awkward for her as it would be for you? Unless she's a vindictive evil *****, or her children are in the wedding party, I doubt she would want to go anyhow. It doesn't sound like you have entirely hateful feelings toward this woman and if it would keep your inlaws off your back and keep your stepchildren happy, why not just invite her? It definitely won't make your relationship with her any more civil by inviting her children and deliberately leaving her name off the invitation. As long as she doesn't intend to turn it into a Jerry Springer wedding or anything, I don't see the harm in inviting her. Remember, you're going to be so busy that day greeting people and dancing and cutting cake and throwing bouquets, etc. that you'll hardly remember who was actually there anyway. You won't have time to let her make you uncomfortable. (Heck, lots of brides don't even get to eat at their own receptions!) Whatever you decide to do, remember that there are children involved and you must consider their needs above your own. Good luck and congratulations!
2007-05-10 05:18:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are uncomfortable with having your fiance's ex at the wedding then don't have her their. It doesn't matter what other people think. It is your day and if it bothers you now it will bother you throughout your wedding day. How old are her children? Can they come on their own or is there someone else that can bring them or drop them off? My friend is getting married to a man who has an 9 year old son. The son is invited to the wedding but not his ex wife. The son is flying out with his father, my friends fiance, before the wedding. Do what makes you happy. I don't think I would ever invite an ex to my wedding.
2007-05-10 04:55:16 · answer #3 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Setting aside the wedding for the moment, why does he need to carry a picture around of her? It would given me the impression he is not over her yet. The best way to approach it is being honest about why you don't want her there. From your description it really seems you are insecure and maybe view her as a threat? Did they have a bad break up but eventually got over their bitterness? Does he have children with her? My fiance's ex-wife is coming to our wedding, but the difference is I don't see her as the enemy. They were divorced before I met him and the two of them are on good terms with each other, I actually get along with her and don't mind that she is coming. They have 2 little girls together and she is going to help get them dressed for the wedding.
2016-05-19 22:27:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is great that you can be cordial because of the children. it is also good that the kids get along. but your wedding is just that, YOUR wedding day. you can invite or not invite whoever you want. this is a day that comes around once. (hopefully). i am sure you do not want to look back and see pictures of her there with your husband, also knowing that they had a slight indiscretion. oh no, girl! forget about the family. this is about you and your happiness. family is family, but sometimes people need to mind their own business. if they think she is queen, who gives a hoot. you will be the queen on your wedding day because your fiance chose you girl!!! the family will get over it. Good luck and all the best on our upcoming nuptials!!!
2007-05-10 05:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The children can be there without the mother. I would not invite her. That is a disaster waiting to happen and besides you don't need to worry about what his family thinks. This relationship is between you and him and after the excitement of the wedding is over you have to live with him not anyone else. Good luck.
2007-05-10 05:17:02 · answer #6 · answered by PharmNerd 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it is YOUR day and is one of the happiest days of your life. You should not have someone there to witness such an important event if you have a bad relationship or if it will upset you. His family may be mad, but in the end the only thing that matters is how you and your Fiance feel. Nothing should take away from you enjoying your wedding!!!
Good luck and congratulations.
2007-05-10 04:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by zannetro 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't invite her and your fiance should back you up to his family. It's not appropriate for an ex to be at a wedding unless all the involved parties are friends.
2007-05-10 05:28:30 · answer #8 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK this is harsh - but needs said.
You deserve better than this. You can do better than this unfaithful, unsupportive lout who will only make you a doormat. He's bad news.
Dump this guy. Not because you don't love him. Love has absolutely nothing to do with it. It's because he hasn't made it clear to his family that he and EX are through - Because he and EX are not through.
He's still sleeping with her even if only in his mind.
Ditch him. Ditch his family. Cancel the wedding. You will never, ever, ever measure up to EX. No matter what you do, no matter how many children you have by this "man" no matter how nice you are to grandmaw - you will never, ever, ever be as good as EX.
See, it's not just your wedding but it's every birthday, thanksgiving, christmas, easter, holiday, graduation, christening, church social, and family reunion. She will be there - or her "ghost" will be there. You will always be the "booby prize" in his family's eyes. Is this what you really want? I hope not!
Thing is, this family is losing a really nice gal - who is probably the best thing their son could ever find. But they're too blind/stupid/close-minded/ etc. to see it.
So leave him. That's the bottom line. Leave while you still can. Let him cry. Let him beg. Let his stupid family comfort him. But get out now. Don't stand for this kind of disrespect from this nest of cockroaches.
Sorry but that's the way I see it.
And again, darling, you deserve better than this.
2007-05-10 04:57:20 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 5⤊ 2⤋
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! His children should be at the wedding, however, they can be taken care of by a brother, sister, parent....not his ex. You should NOT have to feel like you need to invite the ex to your wedding. Not only would the ex probably be incredibly uncomfortable seeing her former husband getting married to another woman, but it would ruin your day. You are the one getting married...it is your call. If his family has a problem with it, they can throw their own party and invite her.
2007-05-10 05:15:37 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋