My Dad told me he won't be coming to my Highschool graduation?

Question

Heres the thing i haven't seen him since 1996 when i was 7 going on to be 8. then a year later i lost contact with him. then i moved to another state and he lives dow in florida and i'm up north so that made it worse. fast forward to may 2005 i was 16 going on 17 in august and i found his phone number and address for free on zabasearch. that summer my two aunts and one of their bestfriend came to see me for one day. my dad up until now hasn't shown his face. i told him about my graduation from february when i found out. he calls me in march to say that he doesnt know if he can come because he already put in his vacation time and its hard to get the time off but he could try to switch with someone. last night he called me only because my mom called him to tell him i skipped school. he tells me he wona't be able to come to my graduation and he seemed so nonchalant about it. he didn't seem sorry at all. he actually had the nerve to say i told him too late, thats his sorry excuse.

i wasn't gonna plead and beg either becasue he's my dad i shouldn't have to. my aunts, my aunts boyfriend, and grandmother plus the little kids already have made plans to come in june. now my dad has two other children younger than me and he's been involved in their lifes from day one but me the oldest he seems to just take so lightly. i have a good mind to not speak to him because noone can tell me anything to say he's right because he's wrong!

he started sending money from when i found him it helps but its not everything u know.... :(

o by the way he works at the airport in miami

Answer 1

**** him. He sounds like a ********** anyway.


* ooo....someone should put that in the language filter. lol

Answer 2

I know you must be hurting. I grew up with a single mom. My biological father I met when I was 14 and he was in my life for a week. Made many promises then buggered off and I never saw him again. It would have been better if I never met him. He passed away not too long after my mother. I don't know anything about him at all besides his name and the type of person he was. My point is, sometimes you are better off without these people in your life, even if they are blood. To me family are the ones that are in your life and love you and are there for good times and bad. Sorry but he is not a dad. He is your father. Any man can father a child but it takes a real man to be a dad. Enjoy your day and celebrate with those who love you.

Answer 3

It is great that you are in contact with your Father again. It hurts you both to be apart I know, so it's good for both of you. I'm proud of you for reaching your hand out to contact him and take the initiative too. Of course he should be the one to do it, we know that...but since he lacks the maturity to do that, it was really great of you. I know he didn't come to see you in person, but it may be because he feels ashamed, and is scared of what you reaction might be to him. It sounds like he may be avoiding a meeting in person just because of this reason. If you want to, write him a letter/email explaining how important this is to you. This is not begging, just clarifying. Tell him that there is only one high school graduation you will ever have, and that it is very important to you as his daughter that your Father be there with you to celebrate this important passage and rite. Don't go into your feelings of how hurt you are by his non-chalantness and callousness right now (you can do that in person later and discuss it and let him know what you need from him, including putting the past behind both of you and moving forward), just appeal to his sense of reason. Some things are just wrong, and missing your graduation is definitely one of them. Let him know that you want to see him, and this is a great opportunity for that. Tell him you just want to see him and hug him and know your Dad is there for you at this special time, and that it would mean so much to you. Send him a current photo of yourself too. I think it's all worth a try, and you will know you tried and never look back and question yourself.

Answer 4

First, take a deep breath. It's too bad he can't make it, but he can't. Why don't you talk to him and plan a time for him to come see you when you two can spend some time alone? Your graduation wasn't the perfect time for you two to reunite anyway. There would be too many people around and you wouldn't be able to give each other the attention your new relationship deserves.
He hasn't been your dad for a while so it will take him a while to learn how to love you. Teach him, show him how to love, and be patient.
Good luck.

Answer 5

It is his loss! Don't ever forget that. I'm so sorry that your dad isn't being a real father to you. He doesn't sound like he knows how to make you a priority in his life. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't. You have to accept that he isn't going to be the best dad in the world and decide if you want to be a part of his life or not. I'm sorry that he has let you down. Congratulations on your graduation!

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear that your dad is such an idiot. If he wanted to make your graduation he would. It is hard to not be hurt when our own parents are doing the hurting. I would say move on with your life...his actions are speaking for him. The next time he speaks with you, tell him that you think it is sad that a father does not support his own child on one of the most important days of her life. Then tell him, that's ok though...you will need me before I will ever need you - THEN go out and be super successful in spite of him! That is the best revenge for a trifling parent!

Answer 7

It sounds like your father would like to not be involved in your life. I think he is most comfortable sending you a check. You need to decide if you would like to fight for something more or accept it for what it is. I know this sucks.
But, you know that this isn't your fault at all. I saw you said that "you lost touch with him " when you were 7. I'm sorry, you were 7, not 17. It was his job to stay in touch. and he chose not to. I think that says alot.
Good luck.
Congratulations on the Graduation

Answer 8

Sometimes dads remove themselves from parental responsibilities, and sometimes they are driven away by the mothers, for reasons good or bad.

It seems that now that you have reconnected, he would want to share this important event with you. Because of the nine years of detachment, he probably no longer feels a closeness that we attach to normal fatherhood. But shame on him.

Finish out your last few weeks of school with respect and honor for you mother and your teachers. Hold your head high at graduation. Make good choices about who you hang around with. I know this wasn't the theme of your question, but please don't get pregnant.

Answer 9

Im so sorry! That must be very difficult. I hope that some day you find the oposite quaility as your own father in your own partner. You have seen what not to do when it comes to parenting. I don't know what I would do, but to be honest with your dad not in the picture your whole life, you survived!!!! You dont need him to be happy, and you dont have to have him there. You will have more fun without him anyways. good luck

Answer 10

I don't talk to my dad either. He's an alcoholic and living with him was difficult at best. My parents divorced when I was very young, then later had a relationship, which ended when my dad cheated on my mother with someone he met in rehab. Then he remarried and had two more kids, then his second wife divorced him. I heard that he was driving her to drink.

The last time I tried to talk to him was back in 2000 at my grandma's(his mom) funeral. But he wouldn't talk to me. Ironically, he's kind of a celebrity who preaches the importance of a traditional home and family. Half the time, he can't even remember my name!

I don't think that fathers realize how much not having them around affects thier children. I can't get close to men, I'd rather have them as friends than be in a romantic relationship. When a male friend physically gets close to me, I cringe defensively.

Don't let it get you down. I have yet to allow my father to get the best of me. I was always better at everything than him. I graduated from high school, have a college degree and was on the Dean's List.

Answer 11

that sucks. i grew up without my biological father too. he is a good man but im not sure he has the skills to be a father. which may be the case in your situation, regardless if he is taking care of his kids now. you dont know what happens in his house... you dont know how bonded he is with his other children. but nevermind that, do you have a father figure? dont resent your bio father just express your feelings let him know how you feel and leave it at that. as you get older you will realize its not that big of a deal, yes you may have relationship issues with men but it really depends how the men in your life now treat you. does that make sense? you said you will have alot of people there who love you so just focus on graduation. stay in school, say no to drugs.