Is this rape? if not what is it?

Question

I was dating this guy for sometime & we finally had consensual sex. He didnt have any condoms but I did & I gave it to him & he put it on. In the "middle" of it all he "stopped" for what appeared to be a split second then continued & we were done. As we lay there I asked him if he wanted me to move so he could go "dispose" off the condom but he told me ever so non chalantly.."oh I took it off... I told you I didnt care for condoms & anyways I'm clean..." I was shocked & infuriated that he took it upon himself to take off the condom & "go bare". I called my doctor the next day & set up an appointment to get tested for any & all STD's. A couple of tests later my Dr. informed me I had HPV. I'm mad as hell & hurt.. I never got to talk to him again (not that I wanted to) but it bothers me to this day that someone could have done this to me. I dont trust men anymore & I'm scared of having sex. What could I/should I have done? I still want him to pay for what he did to me! Any suggestions?

Answer 1

hpv can be caused without sex. he might have given it to you, but its also possible that you got it some other way.

Answer 2

Wow that's awful Britany and I can certainly understand how you might feel violated.

You should realize that condoms don't protect against all STDs and HPV is one of those STDs.

The National Institutes of Health’s Report on Condom Effectiveness did not find any epidemiologic evidence that using condoms reduced the risk of HPV infection. However, they do state “results did suggest that condom use might afford some protection in reducing the risk of HPV-associated diseases, including warts in men and cervical neoplasia in women” (Condom Report ii par. 5). On their Primer on HPV page, NIH also advises: “Although using a condom is a good idea to prevent transmission of other infections or diseases, condoms may not protect sexual partners from genital HPV infections. HPV infections usually are not limited to the penis or the vagina. The infection can occur on the skin in the genital area, such as the scrotum, vulva, anus, or the skin between the anus and the genitalia - areas that are not protected with normal condom use. It is not known if transmission can occur when the virus levels are very low or undetectable” (A Primer on HPV par. 14).

There is the possibility that the guy didn't realize he was infected. The infection may have been so small that he didn't realize. Or course, the opposite may be true as well and there are many people with STDs who know they have it but just don't care, claim to be clean and willingly infect a sex partner.

Technically this isn't rape because you gave your consent. And when you give your concent to have sex with someone... even if they use a condom, you are putting yourself at risk. Condoms aren't fool proof... they break and can sometimes fall off.

However, his decision to take the condom off was massively immature, rude, disrespectful and he is an A**hole for doing it.

My recommendation to you is that you wait until you are in a long term relationship before offering up that level of intimacy. HPV is bad but it could have been herpes or worse.

Answer 3

what is wrong with the guys these days!!! AND I'm not only talking about the one that done that to you... all the other jerk out here on yahoo that have nothing better to do then harass someone that has been violated already!! grow up losers! she's not slutty, she said "I was dating this guy FOR SOMETIME & we FINALLY had consensual sex !!!!

I don't know if it's rape but it's not right and I'd contact a lawyer about it to see if there is anything you can do because... YES you said it was concentual WITH A CONDOM!! and I'm sure judging by your reaction with calling the doctor the next day that you would have said NO if you didn't have a condom!!

I'm so sorry about all the jerks on here and I hope you can take action considering you didn't concent to having sex without a condom..

I wish you the best of luck and hope he pays for what he did to you!

Answer 4

What an ***! Honey it was not your fault & I dont know of what you can do about it but I know one thing for sure he is now a carrier of HPV wether he gave it to you or not. He probably doesnt know that & I suggest if you can get in touch with him he needs to know. Maybe this will be a lesson learnt on his part that he cant go taking condoms off without his partners consent & it might shake him up a little to think it could have been worse! Unless he knows he has HPV which is still silly to try & pass on something like HPV & contract AIDS along the way...what a Dumb ***!
Take heart my dear, you can live a normal healthy life whith HPV... It could have been worse. Take care :)

Answer 5

The issue of rape has some grey areas nowadays. I would seek counsel from a lawyer on the matter because your "consensual" sex was based on the premis of it being "protected" sex. There are cases where an intruder in a home (obviously a rapist intruder), awoke women from their sleep to rape them, whereby the terrified woman said "please wear a condom" and he obliged. It didn't change the fact that he was raping her. There may therefore be a case to be built around the word "consensual" and the conditions attached to it.

There may also be a civil case to answer for the transmission of HPV.

Hope this helps. I would query how you didn't realise he took the thing off though! Is he good at one handed pushups?

Cheers

Bronco

Answer 6

This is not rape because you agreed to the sex. He is a jerk and I am glad that you dumped him. I hope you are more careful who you sleep with next time. How can you know for sure that you got the HPV from him? Have you always used condoms 100% of the time in the past? Anyhow just be more careful next time and dont sleep with anyone unless you are in a loving commited relationship where you can trust the man that you are sleeping with.

Answer 7

First of all, I would like to say, that guy is a huge S.O.B. and I am very sorry that happened. However it is not rape. The sexual act itself was consensual. If he raped you then gave you an STD that is a whole different story!!! But that is not your question. I don't know what you would call this situation accept a pile of bull$hit. I totally understand that you wnat to get back at him, but you don'tknow where he is.... so there's not much you can do at this point. You can still trust guys. We aren't all flaming d0uche$ like that guy. If your scared to have sex...... Just contiue when you think you are ready. Good luck. I hope you can feel better about it some day

Answer 8

Every woman is different but, HPV is not as bad as people picture it. I've had HPV now for 5yrs and thank god I haven't had any warts. The only thing I had in the beginning was pre-cancerous cells that were removed. By the way if you are under 26 you can still put the new vaccine Gardasil. I actually put mines yesterday. Good luck and remember you arent the only one with this virus there are sooo many people who have it and do know because they dont get tested..at least you know...If you have any questions please feel free to contact me.

Answer 9

I think this is one of those live an learn situations. What happened to you really sucks, and you are lucky that he didn't have anything more than HPV. One thing to always remember is that not all men are like this. Some of them are really wonderful, and you will meet one of them. One thing I do think you should do is try to contact him so he knows he gave you an std. You will be doing a favor to any future girls he is with. Revenge always feels good at the time but it only leaves you feeling empty.

Answer 10

there's definitely some sort of violation issue here. i doubt you could call it rape in any conventional legal circles. the consensual aspect of sex is often verified by nothing more than verbal consent so perhaps a case of some sort needs to be made for the verbal agreement to use birth control or participate in not only sex but "safe sex". You have every right to be mad, but don't waste your energy being mad at men or yourself. be mad at one man who is a jerk. There are lots of responsible men, really, who will treat you well and respect your wishes in terms of sex and everything else. flush that jerk and move on. I hope you get some more "legal" answers.

Answer 11

Oh wow, this would be a question for a lawyer or a counselor. There is a chance that you can sue him for the money it cost you to take the tests, and for treatment for your symptoms of HPV. I'm really sorry that this happened to you and most guys aren't like that. But I do have to reccommend that you wait awhile before having sex with a guy (date him for a little bit) so you know his character. I'm really sorry to hear this.