Oh no! Did I give my boyfriend herpes?

Question

Long story short- I've had herpes since 2005. I recently was diagnosed with a disease with a very low survival rate and it compromised my immune system so that I started getting outbreaks again. Never told my boyfriend about my herpes or about my current medical condition because I don't want to worry him. I just always made sure I used meds to prevent passing it on to him, but in my current condition the meds don't work well so I insisted we start using condoms again. Last week we had sex while I had an outbreak. Never did that before because it can push the virus to the cervix & it hurts, but since surviving the next 5 yrs is unlikely, I didn't care what happened to me as long as he was protected. Afterwards I saw that he didn't put the condom on all the way! He likes to believe he's "too big" for condoms & he's not! I've told him to stop that nonsense w/ the condom b4! A few hrs later he has flu symptoms common when contracting herpes. What r the chances that he has it now? :(

Answer 1

Even if he did wear a condom that doesn't necessarily protect him from contracting genital herpes.

Genital herpes can be spread whether a person is on an outbreak or not, and whether a condom is used or not.

Genital herpes can be spread by DIRECT skin to skin contact. So, even if the guy wears a condom, just the rubbing back and forth of the genital areas during sex is enough to spread the virus.

I personally contracted genital herpes 6 years ago from a guy who was showing no signs or symptoms of the virus. And, according to a Valtrex commercial, up to 70% of people with genital herpes got it from their partners when they were showing no signs or symptoms of the virus.

It is VERY possible that your boyfriend contracted genital herpes from you. I'm also pretty shocked you didn't let him know. Even if you thought you could never spread it to him, you really should have let him know about it.

Good luck!

Answer 2

There's a good chance that he may have the virus now since you had sex during an outbreak - the time when transmission is most likely.

The virus can be transmitted at any time though, and not only from the specific area where you have outbreaks but also the surrounding areas. Condoms do not give 100% protection since they only cover a small area (and your boyfriend decreased even that area by not using it correctly). Antivirals reduce the incidence of viral shedding, but not completely, and by your own admission, you knew they were not working effectively due to your compromised immune system.

You say you wanted to protect him and yet you chose to take the risk. What's worse, it was without his knowledge. IMO if you really cared about him you would have been honest about having herpes (and your life threatening illness). He should be allowed to make his own choices regarding his sexual health. I'm sure if he knew about the herpes he wouldn't be playing any silly ego games with condoms!

As for your other condition. Consider how you would feel if the situation was reversed - if he was the one who had a life-threatening illness and he chose not to tell you about it. How would that make you feel?

I hope he's a lucky guy and the flu symptoms turn out to be just that. If not, you are going to have some explaining to do. Good luck with that!

Regards

Jeannie May
Herpes Awareness Campaigner & Peer Support Provider
http://www.livingsphere.com

Answer 3

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Answer 4

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Answer 5

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Answer 6

I am absolutely terrified and I feel so alone. I just found out last week that I tested positive for hsv1 and 2. I have been with the same man for the past 10 years and within the last year found out that he has cheated on me with numerous women. I am so scared that I can give it to my children by kissing them and them eating with me...I feel like my whole life has changed. And even though the nurses, my doctor, and websites say that a lot of people have it I still feel like I am by myself. My self esteem has dropped and I feel like I have been used up. But now, My life is very happy.

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Answer 7

I cannot believe that you refuse to tell him about your medical conditions. This is why STDs are rampant in this country. Too embarrassed? I am shocked at how selfish this is. Well, I guess it's time to tell him NOW so HE can get treatment.

By the way... these meds you speak of were never intended to PREVENT the spread of herpes.... only to lessen the frequency of outbreaks.

You spoke of some other "disease" that you currently have also. You don't want to "worry" him... but you are so willing to leave him with a lovely parting gift.

I'm sorry,... but you should be ashamed of youself. Tell him now before its too late.

Answer 8

i comprehend that's complicated to tell some one which you have herpes yet you incredibly might desire to. once you tell him attempt to be calm and tell your self approximately herpes so which you will answer a minimum of a few of his questions. some human beings do not react properly to information like that, yet whilst he incredibly loves then you he might desire to wish to stay with you and artwork issues out. If he runs then you definately comprehend what form of person he incredibly is. the forged information is your much less in all probability to bypass herpes on in case you do not have an out break once you have intercourse and if your utilising some variety of suppressive scientific care. The undesirable information is there is an quite small danger of having herpes notwithstanding if there are no seen indications of an out break and notwithstanding if your on suppressive scientific care. additionally herpes may be handed on notwithstanding if condoms are used, condoms do not guard all aspects that genital herpes can happen on or influence. Herpes may additionally lie dormant for months or years even if you shriveled it so it could have come from a prior companion or it could have come from him. He needs to comprehend so he can get examined to boot. that's conceivable to have an out break on the buttocks and inner thighs to boot because of fact the genitals. even though it might desire to be basically a pimple, that's conceivable to have zits down there too or it incredibly is a small mole, or boil. I shriveled HSV1 and HSV2 after being monogamous with a million guy for greater then 3 years.

Answer 9

Why the #$%% did you not tell him you have herpes? I think he should have been fully informed before he has EVEN protected sex with you!! Condoms do not fully prevent the spread of herpes!! If the meds don`t work well you may have to obstain having sex with an uninfected person, you can still spread the infection without having symptoms, especially when the meds aren`t working!!

Answer 10

I am so sorry about your lot in life. You really think you only have about 5 years left to live? Is it Cancer?
I disagree with everyone here so far. You did what most MEN at least don't bother doing- used protection when you knew you had it. Though you probably should have told him about it, it's entirely his fault that he has penis size issues and make it so that he doesn't roll the condom down all the way EVEN after you've told him not to do that. It's just as much his responsibility to protect himself as it is for you to protect him and in this case he was the one who screwed up because unfortunately like most men he's willing to compromise the chance of getting/giving something for the sake of a little pleasure or in this case feeling bigger and there's ALWAYS a chance.
I recieved herpes 20 years ago from a guy who would secretly take off the condom in the dark & proceed without letting me know because he knew I refused to not use one. I had a feeling he was doing that because I would hear latex noises but I ignored that and pretended it was all in my head. Found out it was true and - rest is history. YES, that person was at fault for his trickery, but I knew something was up and I refused to say anything or face it- that's my responsibility. If I hadn't been so chicken I wouldn't have gotten it. Since there's always a chance of getting something, in a way once you don't use protection, you're forfeiting your right to be std free. Your bf not rolling down the condom when he was told to was idiotic, selfish, and putting BOTH of you at risk and it was trickery at his end because he obviously hid it from you until afterwards. Sorry but I have no sympathy for him in this. You told him to- he decided to forfeit his protection as well as yours regardless. THAT was selfish. Pisses me off that he would do that. And the previous member was wrong about the drugs. Daily medication (valtrex suppressive therapy) will make it safe to have sex without passing on the virus except in cases when immunity is compromised as is your case.
I understand you had sex during an outbreak even though you knew it would hurt you and possibly bring lesions to the cervix. You obviously don't feel your life is worth much at this point- because you are dying? Desperate life situations can drive u to do things u never thought you'd do. I understand. I'm not condoning you not telling him, but what he did was worse. He told he'd stop and he did it anyway without your consent. He forfeited his right to health. You obviously only thought you were putting yourself at risk & if the condom covered all infected parts (assuming they are all inside the vagina) he wouldn't be at risk. Just know that no amount of pain is worth making a guy feel good in bed. Regardless what the status of your health is. I recommend that you talk to a therapist to help you feel worthy of the time you have left so that your decisions aren't at the mercy of your current situation. I'm sorry you have to go through this & I hope your boyfriend's cold the next day was just a coincidence. Best Regards, chris