My son is 14. He's smart, happy and failing at school. I don't understand why.?

Question

He says it's because he's lazy and he seems satisfied with that answer. I know he could do better and he even admits he could do better, but he seems perfectly okay with D's and F's. We have given him consequenses, like no phone privilages for the weekend, etc. but he just looks us in the eye and says, "Okay". I don't know how to explain to him that life in our house is much easier than life in the real world and the consequences for not making any effort get much much worse

Answer 1

Instead of taking away something, make him work. Maybe he has to rake the yard, clean the house, or pick up trash along side of the road (with your supervision of course. Even volunteering. You could also make him pay you for his D's and F's if he gets an allowence. And if he makes A's and B's you pay him. Good luck.

Answer 2

No phone for the weekend? This is a punishment for bad grades? Here I go being the old parent but I think you need to come down a whole lot harder on him. Are his grades a result of not doing the homework or not turning it in? A lot of children do well on tests and don't do or turn in homework. This gives them poor grades. The first thing I would do is schedule some parent teacher conferences and when you have these conferences make sure he is with you so that you can be sure he knows what you know. Second, set up a specific time and place for homework. During homework time he can receive no phone calls, no text messages and can be in no chat rooms. You will have to set up with the teachers a system so that you know what homework he must do. Then when he says he is finished you can check and be sure he has finished. He is going to think you are treating him like a baby but you must say if he is going to act so immature then that is how you must treat him. Next, when he gets these bad grades the consequenses must go up each time he gets that bad report card. No weekend phone priviledges becomes no phone for a week or longer. Next comes grounding until the grades come up. When he gets a little older you can start using the car as a motivator. You must do whatever it takes to get through to him. One other thing you might explore is, is he depressed. Many times one of the first symtoms of depression is not caring about grades so talk to him and if you have a feeling this might be his problem get him to the doctor ASAP.

Answer 3

14? so a Freshman in high school? what were his middle school grades like? I remember when I was 14 I thought how important education was, just because of peer pressure to keep up, Ds and Fs make you look like retard to your peers not cool. Maybe he doesn't see how his grades will effect him in the long run. Or cause he has no motivation to do good, not thinking about where he will be. What are his interests? What kind of friends does he have... those are all important factors. I worked and volunteered at a youth empowering org 13-16 yr olds for 5 years, and it really changed my life. Maybe he just needs something to drive him, something that he is interested in that gives him a dream to believe in -- so he'll want to do better, cause you certainly can't force him. He'll have to own up to his consequences eventually and I know it's painful to watch, but that's the only way he's gonna learn, just make sure it doesn't get out of hand. "Lazy" is not an excuse, but if he calls himself that admittedly maybe he has low self esteem.

Answer 4

you're asking the wrong question... in the whole history of english... the most ineffectual question is "why"... it's like pondering all the "what if" scenarios then leaving it at that... no meaningful dialogue and no constructive solutions ... let me illustrate... using your own example...

"...I don't understand why?..." his response "because I'm lazy..." which IS a perfectly valid answer.

try asking him... "Do you fully understand the consequences of poor work habits?... Ask him what his plans are for the future...what you really need to do... is open a dialogue... and remain patient...

The power struggle is just beginning... ( I have a 20 year old stepson)... and this is what it is... his attempt to take some control of his own destiny... so engage that need in him.. challenge him... and make the challenges worthwhile... and make sure his goals are clear and attainable... and set a timetable... because "no phone for a weekend???? " c'mon.... how about..." you can use the phone again... when I see an improvement in your grades..." Or you're grounded until... no allowance... no work...

It's about power... and you have to exercise yours...

and never...ever ask why... why???? just because :oP

Answer 5

A kid who says ok when privileges are being taken away is certainly not ok. He should be at least showing some kind of response, as that would be normal for a child his age.

Probe further, what is it that is holding him back, and which he is not able to overcome, himself. Failing marks and lack of enthusiasm is always a clear sign of something else taking away all the attention. He might be happy and smart, but that could also be a mask to keep you out of his life.

Start spending more time with him; ask his school teachers or counsellors, as to why he no longer finds studying interesting enough.

Answer 6

To the mum of the proficient teenager: i'm curious how this became out for you. I also have a similar project. My son is incredibly proficient. thoroughly bored and fed up at college. i don't blame him - the classes are for extra overall youngsters who can in good shape the norm. He on & off refuses to bypass to college. Does a splash, yet not sufficient to bypass. Smoking weed extra & extra. want there replaced right into a boarding college available for proficient, stricken, addicted boys who are not fascinated in universal college. he's bored & feels he will in no way bypass everywhere by way of fact the universal direction isn't for him.

Answer 7

I can relate my son is 13 very smartand just has absoloutly no desirefor school. It's hard. I think it"s astage though, I hope things get better 4 you and 4 me too! even when they drag us through the coals, we still have to love them through it!
good luck and remind him of the importance of his education,
I"m sure you already do though, I know I do. Doesn"t seem to help though selective hearing seems to be the thing at that age. Mabey take him to a soup kitchen or shelter and scare him a little, at that age they really don"t realise how rough life can be if they don"t assert themselves, good luck, hope this
helps, hang in there, and hope for change :)

Answer 8

You have a kid that has to be taught a lesson and not told what to do. Why don't you try letting him sleep outside for a night or two and see how he likes being homeless. After you do that tell him that's the result if he don't get his act together. He's just testing the waters to see how far you'll are going to let it go. Nip his a** in the butt right now and you won't have to worry about him later in life. Trust!

Answer 9

I ace my school results but when I get pressured by my parents I struggle to concentrate. I find it easy to accept consequenses because I get use to them and find it harder to study if I know I'm not allow to do stuff and get stressed. I love it when my parents parise me. Telling me it's okay, and if they help me with my homework/projects (without doing too much) because I know they're interested in what I'm studying and supporting me. Just don't let it become a fight, 'coz it's just not worth it and makes the situation worse.

Answer 10

does he have a reading problem? or, does he have some kind of socializing/emotional/.....disorder? ya know? I don't think that just the excuse of I'm lazy, or I don't care is in any way true.....YES, he may be lazy and he may never be a 4.0 student, however, he does care. He may have a fear of......who knows what, and to cover it up, his school suffers....also, have you thought about drugs...he is after all 14. Girls, sex.....is he gay maybe? There are many things he is going through at that age and you have the distinct pleasure of figuring out what is wrong! good luck.....honestly, you should begin enlisting the help of professionals----guidance counselor at school, sylvan learning center, psych.....etc.