Relationship mind games?

Question

I've been seeing a guy for seven months. During that time he has continually lied to me, but convinced me each time that I'm over-reacting when I confront him & that I am being too sensitive (and he denies everything). I know he's lying to me, but I let him talk me around. I'm so paranoid, checking up on him all the time (and usually confirming my suspicions).

But I'm still with him. I just can't seem to let him go, I feel really weak because I care about him & don't want to not have him in my life. But I also feel so broken down. I'm not happy at all, but I can't imagine him not being in my life.

Has anyone had something similar? how did you deal with this? Please don't answer with, 'leave him', because I already know I should! I just want some advice really.. thanks :)

Answer 1

i hate mind games they are the most onsensitive thing i have ever faced... if i was you i would brake up with that guy instantly

Answer 2

I went through a period of my life like that. Was the worst time of my life. Trust is the most important thing. Once lost it is very hard to get back. It takes a lot of time. If you dont have it now will you ever have it with him? Also, can he build trust on a relationship that has a foundation of lies? Do you always want to be worried and broken down? His lies probably keep you in the relationship because you are broken down and your self esteem is probably low. When you have low self esteem you feel like you wont meet someone else. Once you leave him your confidence will come back and you will meet someone else. "I'm not happy at all, but I can't imagine him not being in my life" You are saying that you cannot imagine yourself happy. Why be with someone that you are not happy with. People that find the one talk about how easy it is and they just know. Do you have that? Do you know he is the one or is it a physical thing? I would see a therapist to help you through this one. Good luck

Answer 3

Hi there, You do really need to search for that inner reserve and be stronger. You are better than this and you don't deserve to be treated in this way. Try your best to stay calm, and stop worrying about what he is getting up to! No matter how tempted you are to check up on him, DON'T!! Whether you check up on him or not, if he is going to cheat, then he will. There is nothing that you can do about it. You can't watch him 24/7, and you cannot tell him where to go or what to do. Stop worrying about things that you cannot control or change. But what you can do is to change the way that you think and act. You will find it difficult, but force yourself to leave him be and let him get on with it. You know that you dont really need this man in your life. Try to get on with your life independently, don't rely on him being around in your life so much. Go out with your other friends and make a life for yourself. When you find your own way, you will feel empowered and, only then will you start to feel you are achieving something; and that you have some dignity. I wish you all the best! :o)

Answer 4

Hey we all have had this--but we all eventually see that this stuff is not a relationship---a real relationship has dignity, integrity, honesty, harmony, respect, communications, trust, courtesy, support-------you don't have one of these when you are connected to a liar---a liar has no self confidence, no maturity, no respect, and it borders on being abusive. So why would you want to expose your self to this?? Do you think you can't do any better?? Has he convinced you he is all you need and will tell you what to do and when to do it?? I think you need a reality check--he won't change and you can get up and leave--it is your choice-- he does not own you. Well I know you will stay with him--I can spot the gals who stay with these losers. You want all the sympathy but it doesn't change a thing--he is a liar, and you know it won't get any better. Liars and cheaters don't like strong women who stand up and walk out on them--they like weak women--they search very hard for them and do all the right little moves to win them--then the low life act starts. And I guarantee it will get worse. It is the same soup--in a different bowl.

Answer 5

well this brought back memories...
I went through this for about 2 years. I know exactly how you feel. Like you can't live without him in your life, there's nothing you care about more, he's pretty much your life right? That's where I went wrong.
I stayed in the relationship for a long time, checking up and finding answers to my questions (not good ones), and just letting them slide. As humans we can't help feeling betrayed when someone we've given our life to lies to us, or we find things to that nature. It kills us inside.
Letting things go is a great idea, but you have to also think of your well being. If this betrayal/lying is stressing you out (im sure it is) you have to think what is best for you. Because he's lied to you already, there's a good chance he will keep doing it, and how long can you take that? How long do you want to go through that?
In my situation, I was really stressed about it, so much that it ran over into every aspect of my life (family, school, work, social) . I knew I couldn't go on like that anymore, but it felt like I was losing half of me, or all of me...
When I did break it off, I cut off all conversation with him, and worked on myself. I did things that I enjoyed, I called up friends I hadn't seen in a while, and had a good time.
Life does go on, you just have to let it. : )
Hope everything works out for you!

Answer 6

Yes, I have been in your situation. After wasting years of my life on a man I knew would never be faithful to me, I found the courage to leave. I was a happier person once I knew what I had to do. I'm not say that it was not hard. I hurt too, but I could not see wasting any more time. We don't get any younger. If we don't protect ourselves from harm, who will?

By the way, I found a great man once I was able to let go of my feelings for the ex. He is still cheating, and he is married.

Answer 7

I've been through it. You just have to distance yourself from him to give yourself time to heal. Being around him doesn't make it any easier when you finally gather up the courage to leave him. Keep your distance. Get your best mate to take your cell phone and hide it, keep yourself occupied, go out and have fun! just hang out with friends... sitting at home bored will drive you crazy and only give you time to think about him. Whatever you do don't call! You need to cut off all contact with him until you know in your heart that you are strong enough to face him without wanting to be with him. It could take a while. You're not being selfish, it's just what you need to do to make yourself happy. Be strong! It will suck! but time will heal your pain. We want so much to believe that they will change, the truth is they never will.

Answer 8

I know what you're talking about. You've been going through this for 7 months and feeling terrible. I went through it for 6 years and trust me, it gets worse and worse, and you start believing you are a crazy, suspicious, dumb psycho. I was lied to, led on and taken advantage of. I knew in my heart of hearts that it was a terrible relationship but was too insecure and unhappy to leave myself. I also dreaded the thought of being single and of having to make a new life for myself without the security of 'his wise ways'. Because he knew everything and was a saint. I avoided family and friends and started to go down hill in my job. It gets worse and worse and the fights just go on forever and you really do believe everything they say about you. But funny thing is, you were never like that before you met them. Ring any bells?
He didn't come home one night and had his phone switched off. After about 2 months of completely insensitive acts on his behalf this was the final straw. I packed my bags and left 1/2 hour after he returned home (3pm the next day), just enough time to tell him what a gutless wonder he really was. I hung on for 6 years, so it doesn't matter that you know it's bad, you'll keep hanging on because you believe things will get better. They won't get better. You will do increasingly crazy things (my behaviour spun out of control) because you believe you really are a nutter. Honey, I've been out for nearly 2 months and it is hard starting out again, but i've had nearly 2 months of NO ARGUMENTS, NO STRESS, NO SCREAMING, NO BLAME, NO INSULTS. Nothing but pure time for ME. It is the best thing I've ever done and I hang my head in shame that I let myself believe I was what he told me I was.

Answer 9

He doesn't sound like a very nice person. You seem to have low self esteem too. Are you suffering with depression? I hate guys who mess with your feelings. If you carry on this unhealthy relationship he will turn in to someone who will cheat and control you, he already knows your state of mind. This will mess your head up, get out now while you can.

Answer 10

I have been there and done that, and that is NOT a relationship, that's a man who manipulates you so that he can have his cake and eat it, you know he lies, you have seen it for yourself, so get some self respect and get out of it, you say you would rather be with a man who lies and treats you with this lack of respect? That's sad, really, once you are out of that situation you will realise how stupid that sounds, and that life is better single and happy, way better than living with a man who has this sort of warped way of thinking.

Answer 11

Work on your self-esteem. You must think little of yourself to allow someone to treat you badly. He won't change, because he doesn't need to- he knows that he can lie and cheat, but that you'll forgive him because you need him. Make new friends, spend time with family, get a hobby, but stop being so desperate. You deserve to be treated well, don't you?