If your child was at a play centre and told you they had been pushed by a child what would you say to them?

Question

We where at a play activity centre and I heard a mother say to her child, if a child hurts you say no and push them, she demonstrated shoving with 2 hands. I later saw the same child pushing over a little girl half his age/size. The mother asked did they push you first. My children are no saints but I try to teach them that aggression is not the answer no matter what others do to you. I was just wondering other peoples view on this?

In response to one of the answers, I teach my children to defend themselves verbally rather than physically. My 4 year old can give a verbal telling off that would scare me.

If your child was the one that hit first and another child retaliated and hit your child which resulted in their injury, would you say thats okay because my child hit your child first. Young children do have difficulty with anger control but I can't see how encouraging them to lash out at others if provoked will help them to manage their own emotions.

Answer 1

As a preschool teacher, we advise all children to use their words as teaching tools. However, there are times when a child will strike another child. We do make the striker aware that what they did was hurtful, not wrong. I do not pass judgement on children, as they are merely copying or reacting to a situation. Now when, the striker then gets a form of retaliation by the strikee, I must them again make them both aware that what they did was hurtful. We verbally teach them to express their anger with "No, Stop and That hurt's me" I would never allow a child to strike another child, but I would allow that child to freely express their feelings.

As for the mother who advises her child to push when being pushed, this is bad advice. Teaching your child violence when angry causes them to lash out at everything that bothers them. They have no other way of expressing themselves. It's okay though, since this "advice" will come back ten fold in teen years when the parent is trying to talk to their violent and physical child!

Answer 2

I'd say to my almost three year old son, "then stop playing with them and walk away." Honestly at that age, I think that's the most effective. If my son hit another kid and that other kid just decided not to play with him, he'd be devastated.

You're right aggression is not the answer. In fact in my experience, it only makes things worse. When my son sees or experiences someone hitting him (I have a friend who's son, unfortunately, is a holy terror and will beat my poor son senseless....hit him incessantly and has even kicked him in the back and bit him....don't worry, they're not allowed to play together anymore when I can help it), it makes his behavior worse. He starts to think it's okay, and everything that I've taught him at home flies out the window. He was around this terror child for a couple hours this week, and I was told today by his nursery leader at our church that he kept hitting and kicking people in class, and that it was very abnormal behavior for him. My husband was furious and blamed it completely on him being around my friend's son this week. My son is actually bigger than this other kid and my husband thinks we need to teach him to fight back (and if I'm being honest, in my opinion that is what my friend's son needs I think, someone to dish it back to him...not to mention some discipline at home, but we won't get into that), but he's too little to understand the difference between when it's okay to hit and when it's not. So I teach him it's never okay for the time being. When he's older we'll get into self-defense, but not at this age. Right now all he needs to do is tell the kid to stop and if he doesn't, stop playing with him.

Answer 3

This is a hard thing. On the one hand you don't want your child to be walked all over and on the other you want them to respect others.

I don't think that other mother was right in what she did. Unfortunately as your children get older you'll find more and more examples of parents who don't do the right thing when it comes to their children.

The important thing is to model whatever behavior you want your child to have. There are other ways to deal with issues other than by using aggression.

Unfortunately one of the things children will learn quickly is different families have different standards of conduct. Yours obviously are higher and that's good and your children will be proud of that one day.

Answer 4

About 3 weeks ago I saw a couple of kids about 7 or 8 years old starting a fight with another kid, they were just outside the school, I was driving and couldn't believe what I saw, I was going to pull over and just separate what this kids who is a trouble maker was about to hit this other kid, you could see him like a really grown up gang member, but what surprise me even more was to see that the mother was waiting for him in her car!! I was amazed how could a mother see his kid fighting with another kid and not doing anything about it. It is incredible how some mothers don't realize that in our hands is the key to stop violence, If we teach our kids not to resolve problems with their hands we could make this world more safe and friendly ...is so sad to see that some parents don't realize that we could make the difference, off course it doesn't guarantee that our kids will not end up in a fight or a problem but at least we are trying, and kids are very smart they can remember what you thought them, I wish that we all could understand that what we teach to our kids now is what they will reflect later.

Answer 5

I have to agree with Avegirl. I have told mine to try and get an adult. Sometimes, that is not always possible, and I have told my child to defend herself if she is being pushed or hit by another child if there is no one else thereto help. I just do not agree with a verbal comeback all the time.

Answer 6

My son is 2 and he is already being taught by my husband and I that no matter what, he is NEVER allowed to hit or push a girl....EVER! I don't care if the girl is beating him senseless. All he has to do is walk away. This happened to my husband when he was about 6. Two neighbor girls were beating on him and he left and went home.

Answer 7

I told my children that if someone does anything to them to first go to the teacher or get an adult. I also told my children to never strike first or push first. But if another child is doing this to my child and my child cannot find an adult, or one is not around...I gave my child permission to strike back. This means, check for an adult first and if there is not one there, they have my permission to defend theirselves.

Answer 8

i can't say the lady was wrong because i tell my kids that. i started telling them that when they was of age to know wrong or right. how old was the child? what would you tell your kids if they get hit by somebody else. go tell the teacher or tell someone. thats only opening up another window of being bullied and picked one because that other child will think he won't do nothing. he a punk! what did you want that parent to do?

Answer 9

That is definitely not a good way to raise a child. WoW.

Answer 10

my son dont get pushed or picked on after I bought him a gun