i have a fiance who can be a real jerk when it comes to having things his way. we are supposed to take a vacation together this summer..tickets are bought, etc. but he only cares about what he wants, and doesn't even think to ask me about my opinion. i don't want to blow it out of proportion, but i feel like if i don't put up a fight, he will walk all over me. as it is, i feel like i am too nice. today, i hung up on him when he called me a stupid snob because i didn't want to do the things that he wanted to do. i then went to the movies, and came back to find 43 missed calls and 4 text messages on my phone. i know he is sorry, but i just think it's wrong to say things like that to the person that you are going to marry. and i may be a snob, but i don't need that kind of condescending attitude every time i disagree with him. i was crying when i got off the phone, and he knew that. yet, he waited for at least 30 minutes before he chose to do anything about it. it really hurt my feelings.
2007-04-22 16:41:38 · 7 answers · asked by pastanus 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
have you considered TELLING him any of this? perhaps he doesn't know what you're feeling?
I'm in the same boat as you in a lot of ways. My husband (we've been living together for a year and a half, married for a week) has the tendency to do what he wants, but when I don't do dishes or laundry he'll complain that there's nothing to eat on or nothing to wear. In this case I kindly (but firmly) remind him that HE could have done something about it as well.
Any time either of us has a problem with the other, we talk it out. Nothing will ever be resolved if you keep anyone in such a relationship without communication.
If this is still a problem, couples counseling is a really good option for both of you. Just make sure that 1) he goes with you, 2) you both have time with the counselor alone to talk about things you may not be completely comfortable mentioning in front of the other 3) the aforementioned uncomfortable things DO get mentioned and talked about eventually.
2007-04-22 16:56:53 · answer #1 · answered by Laura 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my experience with my ex. He was so pigheaded and stubborn. He could never see anything from my point of view. Any fight we ever had was my fault. Even though, looking back, I know he was the one in the wrong. At least your fiance says 'sorry' to you. My boyfriend never did. I would get upset with him (e.g. if we had plans and hewent to a friends house instead) I would tell him. He would say 'what's the big deal, get over it'. It would make me so angry. I'd beg him to just apologise to me cos I was upset. His answer was 'I don't say sorry'. What a jerk. I was always the one to try and make up & say sorry. I;m sorry your fiance treats u unfairly. It's good u are sharing it with people. It will make you see that you are right to be upset and that he shouldn't treat you like this. Love is about being selfless and putting the other person's feelings etc. ahead of yourself. Good luck. I hope that you can talk to him and that he listens and tries to change for you. If he treats you with disrespect and starts telling you that you are the one with the problem then u gotta seriously think about your future with him I broke up with my bf after 4 years. I'm with someone new. He is sweet, listens to me and cares so much. I now see you unhappy I was with this ex bf stubborn jerk.
2007-04-22 16:52:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, respect should be given in genuity. Not begged for. If you have to beg for respect then you will never get it. You need to comand it. And if he doesnt respect you and the relationship is not 50/50 then forget being polite. You need to ask yourself if you are really hrting like this dont you think you should talk to him. Because this is what you are going to get when you get married. WAKE UP. If he loved you then he would respect you. GOD, LOVE TRUST AND RESPECT, If you dont have all of them then there is no point. Disrespect can turn into abuse and obsessions and control. You need to speak up. And if he dosent want to fight to keep the relationship going and fight to make you happy then you need to move on. He seems like a spoiled brat and making you do thing you dont want to do now that is control. Ask somone for help like a girlfreind and pray. Other than talk to him and if he doesnt want to cooperate, move on. Its not worth the pain mentally and spiritually. Get out, Love dosent hurt you and makes you feel less then what you are.
2007-04-22 16:56:30 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT marry a jerk! They do not improve; they get worse the longer you know them. Any grown man that calls people names or doesn't care what you think, only that 'you're mad at him' is not mature enough to marry anybody.
Either go to counseling with him or call it off. It would be less painful in the long run.
2007-04-22 16:52:37 · answer #4 · answered by Nurse Susan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry this individual! He's already starting to manipulate you, and you don't even know it!!!! It's a pattern...think about your other arguments, has he pulled these little stunts before? He's pushing your buttons, believe me...he knows what he's doing!!!! Re-evaluate his motives, think before you marry this person...speaking from experience...he should get help/u 2
What he's trying to do is basically WEAR YOU DOWN....putting the guilt trip on you, the million phone calls, I could go on, but I think you already know what I'm getting at. Think about it...I didn't.
2007-04-22 16:56:47 · answer #5 · answered by Pixie48 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about why you decided to marry him. List all of those reasons and then list like all of the reasons why you are starting to get upset with him. Look at which one out weighs the other one. You've got your answer. Also remember, no one is perfect.
2007-04-22 16:58:30 · answer #6 · answered by Sammi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think ur right in this situation mayb go 2 a counselor
2007-04-22 16:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by The Po Po 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋