I have been dating this guy for 4 months now...last night he tells me he needs two weeks away from me to deal with stuff from his past so he can be a better person for me and my kids and that him doing this has nothing to do with how he feels about me. Not a problem, a litte hurt he wants to shut me out, but ok, whatever..what I do have a problem with is one of the things he feels he needs to deal with is a lover from his past. She called him and told him she is leaving her husband and is comming down to where we live, he invites her to stay at his place, he says because she is also a friend and didn't feel right to tell her not to come. He says he doesn't want to be with her but doesn't want to hurt HER feelings by telling her she can't stay with him. now am I the only one who thinks that my feelings are the ones he should be more concerned with and that he should be doing what he can to respect my wishes? What would you other women think and guys let me in on what this means.
2007-04-22 15:13:46 · 15 answers · asked by grnidblnd 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
maby by a chances hes being honest, but most guys use that excuse to get away and hav a relationship with the past relationship. not i cant tell u want to do, but if he truely cares about u then he shouldnt be putting this other girl thats from his past befor you and him.
2007-04-22 15:19:56 · answer #1 · answered by Irish Wannabe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been through almost EXACTLY what you're going through right now. In fact, a red light went on in my head reading your question.
I'm really sorry to say this, and I hope I'm wrong, but I think he's getting ready to leave you. There is no reason he needs to invite an ex to stay with him. He's just telling you he doesn't want to hurt her feelings by saying no because he doesn't want to hurt YOUR feelings. You're right in feeling that your feelings should come before an ex's feelings. Think about it, when you really, really like someone, and want to create a relationship with them, would you tell them you need a two-week break from the relationship to have an ex stay with you and "deal with the past"? If it WAS the past, then it would BE the past, not the present. And IF it's "the past", then why would he need to take a break from a current relationship to "deal with it."? In this situation, the past is NOT the past. It's in the present, and it's affecting you. I would just tell him not to count on you being there for him if and when he decides to return. He either wants to be with you, or he doesn't. His ex is either his ex, or she isn't. If she's staying at his place, and inspiring him to put a current relationship on hold, then clearly she isn't.
2007-04-22 15:21:59 · answer #2 · answered by Jess H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may not like my answer but I won't lie. If you aren't married to him, don't worry about it. Let him do what he has to do and if he decides that by your side is where he want to be then he will come back. If you're not married you're single and right now he maybe needs to stop and think is this really what he wants. I think YOU need to be concerned about your own feelings and the possible downfall that may come around your kids. Your priorities should be your children, not some guy you don't even know, cause let me tell you 4 months is nothing. YOUR WISHES, he owes you nothing, stop being selfish and let the man be sure of what he wants. Hope this helps cause it goes beyond you and your broken feelings.
2007-04-22 15:24:34 · answer #3 · answered by Steve A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has some soul searching to do when it comes to 'her'. Perhaps unsolved issues they have to resolve. I would be quite Hurt if I were you, as you obviously are....IF the shoe was on the other foot, and you invited an old fling who was leaving his wife, and wanted your current b/friend to just mosey along for a couple of weeks while y ou work out some past issues...I'm sure he wouldn't be a happy camper either.
You need to sit him down and ask why he is excluding you..if he has nothing to hide* or be ashamed of .......why can YOU not stay there as well? If she's leaving her husband..she is in a vulnerable state..and perhaps another womans point of view can help her along her way*
GoodLuck To YOU*
2007-04-22 15:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him for honesty on whats really happening. If he can't look you in the eye or can't even say what you want him to. Tell him "If you won't let me know aobut whats going on in yr life right now then I don't know if i want you in MY life" also tell him how you feel that he should be seeing how things are with you. And if i'm correct. This looks like a man who was with a girl a long time ago but she had to move away for some reason and he was left missing her and might want to decide if your the one he wants or if he still wants to hold on to the past. Ask him what happened between them two.
2007-04-22 15:20:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm worried about the relationship with this guy. If I were you, I would think he is having an affair. He should definatley be more concerned with your feelings, seeing how another woman is involved. It might be time to move on! Don't get someone right away because you're lonely, wait, and look for someone you would be with forever :)
2007-04-22 15:19:06 · answer #6 · answered by Audrey 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think it means he wants to have his cake and eat it too, i think he is taking the two weeks to mess around with his ex lover, why else would he invite her to stay with him, and then he is going to come back to you because he thinks you'll wait around for him, i say leave his butt... he obviously does not care about you or your feelings or he wouldn't have invited his ex to stay and he wouldn't need a break from you. Have respect for yourself and show him your strong, and that he needs to make up his mind quick on what he wants because you won't always be there.
2007-04-22 15:19:46 · answer #7 · answered by brit24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have it right. Your feelings are priority, or should be the way I see it. It almost sounds like a big scam, to get away from you, to do her for 2 weeks, and then still have you to come back too. Like having his cake and eating it too. You want to watch out for this one, at least until you know what's going on for sure.
2007-04-22 15:20:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a fairly intellegent young woman! I think you know the answer to your own question, you just don't want to face it. Believe me honey, if there were love and trust in the relationship, you would not be seeking answers from strangers. Look into your heart, but use your head to do it
2007-04-22 15:21:45 · answer #9 · answered by michelledenay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he still has feelings for her, lets face it, if he didn't, he wouldn't care about "hurting" her feelings (i dont think not letting her stay at his house would really hurt her that bad.... c'mon!)
your right, he would be more concerned about your feelings,
he may want to patch things up with this girl or something so he can get over her and move on. if i were you i'd talk to him about it, because if you dont it will nag and nag at you.
2007-04-22 15:18:55 · answer #10 · answered by kiss the cook 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋