What qualities should you give importance when you choose your spouse? Do materialistic gains influence you?

Question

I live in the Democratic Republic of India. Here we have so many laws with umpteen loopholes to circumvent it. Dowry is prohibited, but prevalent. Even highly educated and religious people bargain for it or indulge in violence over it. The aggrieved are the women folk. Should we not observe a code of conduct in the observance of marriage? I admit it is difficult; then what is the remedy? Lileeann33

Answer 1

I have lived in India as a foreign student for more than six years and even married my classmate. Indians, for the most part, go for loveless arranged marriages based on narrow considerations such as caste, employment, family status, lucrative gains from the 'rishta'. You would have, unfortunately, little choice than to follow your parents choice unless u r a rebel. No code of conduct matters in such a lawless, conservative and backward country. People are still very traditional there.No wonder, the young aspire to flock to the USA , Canada, Australia etc. India is not going to change merely by passing laws when there is so much resistance to change and reform. Do you follow any of the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi, Baba Ambedkar,Swami Dayanand, Ramakrishna and so on ? None! It will take another century before India accepts love marriages and the girl's right to inheritance. In my wife's case, her brother stole her rightful share of property.That guy even married his wife without having seen or met the girl let alone dating her! Only thing that mattered is the right caste! India shining, say the Hinduva forces.

Answer 2

I am not familiar with your customs, but elsewhere in the world there are places where men and women choose one another freely.

They offer many reasons for such choosings. Some are better than others if you want to ensure a long and happy union.

Selecting a life-long mate is an important task, and since we are on a Religion and Spirituality question board, I am going to use some religious criteria.

A couple should be of one mind on religion, and other major life topics. Raising children, for one. Setting up a household, sharing money, joint finances, who will care for the children, who will work outside the home, things like that.

It is important the there be as little as possible to cause divisions between the two. Religion included.

The Bible speaks of avoiding the situation of being "Unequally yoked". This refers to a farming term (because the people hearing these religious words were farmers....) If you were to connect a strong animal and a weak animal to a plow, you are bound for trouble. First of all, your rows would probably not be straight, as the strong animal would pull in his/her direction. The weak animal, however, may slow the whole process down, and in effect, drag the strong animal down. The two animals may end up hurting themselves in the process, so now you have two damaged animals, neither of which can finish the job of plowing.

Unequally yoked marriages have built-in issues relating to the differences in philosophy. They are holes in the armor, and places where difficulties are prone to begin.

Love, too, should be present for a long-lasting marriage. Love is the ingredient that helps you get over the difficult times. And, there will be difficult times.

With the world beginning to recognize the women can stand alone and survive just fine, they are also beginning to recognize that women can make sound choices in selecting their mates, as well.

Some cultures profess that women are weak, and need to be cared for. People even misunderstand Christians as saying the same thing. This is untrue.

True Christianity brings women equal to men in the eyes of the Lord. In a marriage, however, the man has been deemed as the final authority when it comes to the family. This means that the man is to make the final decisions, and that the woman is to follow that decision.

It does not say that the woman is a silent partner. Women are expected to have their say, and give their opinions. Men are expected to listen well, and understand the woman's perspective.

When I teach classes on the subject, I put it this way. The women are supposed to say their piece honestly and openly. Then, the men are supposed to agonize over the decision, and make the one they truly believe is in the best interests of the family. Once the decision has been made, the family's responsibility is to follow the decision to the best of their ability.

From time the time, a man makes a bad decision. At that point it is the responsibility of the man to admit this fact, and ask forgiveness not only of God but of his wife and family as well. The wife, especially, is to be supportive and refrain from the "I told you so" type of behavior. They should work out a new plan together.

So, two people planning a marriage must consider these things, and determine if each one is compatible and ready to work as a team member.

Answer 3

Did you care to verify the facts rather care to understand the system, before typing the question?

The culture and the Vedic Wisdom in this great country shows the way, answers every question.
QUOTE:
"This may sound like a newly discovered concept by modern psychologists but an ancient Hindu prince known as Yudhishtira revealed this "secret" about 4000 years ago. In an episode known as Yaksha Prashna in the Aranya Parva of that great epic, the Mahabharata, a divine being challenged the prince in exile to answer some questions, satisfactory answers to which may help restore the lives of his “dead” brothers (See my book Yaksha Prashna: A Hindu Primer, Second Edition, published by Periplus Lines LLC and released by Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Bangalore, April 2001). One of the questions the Yaksha asked Yudhishtira was

"kimsvin mitram grhesatah?" i.e. Who is the friend of a householder?

To which the prince answered

"bhaaryaa mitram grhesatah," i.e., the friend of a householder is his spouse.

According to Hindus, therefore, the basis for marriage is friendship and such friendship is the understanding, the promise and the commitment that unites a man and a woman. With such authority, there is then no question about the role of a woman, her importance, her position in this equation that binds them together. "
From a most widely read article written by Dr.Sheenu Srinivasan

Answer 4

No matter where Jehovah's Witnesses live, they strive to follow Bible principles, rather than cultural or religious traditions. This results in much better relationships, all the way around!

"Do not you people be owing anybody a single thing, except to love one another; for he that loves his fellowman has fulfilled [the] law. For the [law code], 'You must not: commit adultery; murder; steal; covet,' and whatever other commandment there is, is summed up in this word, namely, 'You must love your neighbor as yourself.' Love does not work evil to one’s neighbor; therefore love is the law’s fulfillment." Romans 13:8-10

What Inheritance Do You Owe Your Children?
(dowry included in discussion)
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2004/9/1/article_01.htm

Negotiating a Reasonable Bride-Price
(includes some experiences of Jehovah's Witnesses)
http://watchtower.org/library/w/1998/9/15/article_01.htm

What Is REALLY Needed for a Successful Marriage?
http://watchtower.org/library/w/1999/2/15/article_02.htm

Can Money Bring You the Real Life? :
- Your Money or Your life?
- How Can You Keep a Balanced View of Money?
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2001/6/15/article_01.htm

Answer 5

you will possibly be able to desire to attend 4 hours in the previous you may vote for many suitable answer. a blue button will coach below each and every answer. choose your maximum suitable answer and click the blue button below it. then you definately can fee with one million-5 stars and depart a remark. you will get 3 factors for vote casting. you have as much as 4 days to vote in the previous it is going to a community vote. If its an different contributors question which you extremely decide to vote on you like wait for 4 days or extra then pass back to the question and vote you will get one million factor for vote casting.

Answer 6

I see nothing incorrect about someone who has been endowed with nice things, as long as it was legal. But to hold down someone socially because she is a female, is not only a primitive action, but a selfish one too ! When we all die, it will be very hard for those with personal wealth to carry it with them. God Bless a Good heart !!

Answer 7

i do not wish to heart your feelings, but not long ago in one of your laws the wife would of been burned alive with her dead husband.
Now i am hopping and preying that most of your country's laws have been changed.
some do get marry for money and some for love.
it depends on you and your partner. at the end
you are the one who has to decide, to go which way.

Answer 8

dont give or take ,live and die for each other .if u have fallen in a v icious trap be chamundeswari ,it is best to compromise all will spoil ur marriage,once in court.laws are meant to be broken by the rich and powerfull

Answer 9

What qualities are important to you? Who says you have to stay in India? Why do you condemn "freedom of expression" in one question, and then complain about having to deal with "tradition" in another?

Answer 10

Well materialism has also it´s importance but mostly try to see if you have connection in all the moments if you get in a good communication.