Being social?

Question

I find it hard work to be really social and outgoing at a party or function. Why is that? I find a lot of "small talk" (especially drunken small talk) to be mindlessly boring and so I lose interest in the whole thing. I don't mind if I'm talking to interesting people about things that I am interested in, but when the conversation is just rambling on just for the sake of talking I just tune out. I can't help it. Is there something wrong with me? My friend yesterday said that I am "not social", like that was something for me to be ashamed of or that it is a problem. He more or less said I was eccentric and weird. Do we all have to be outgoing and bursting with confidence? What about people (like me) who are a little more reserved and don't particularly like social cliches, but prefer things to flow more naturally (if you know what I mean). Now I feel like a social outcast, like I am some kind of a pathetic freak. :-(

Answer 1

No, it's not weird, you just prefer structure to your conversations. You seem more like an intellectual conversationalist than just mindless chatter, and there isn't anything wrong with that. People sometimes just chat to do, so they don't get bored, or just to get attention. Nothing wrong with letting things flow.

Answer 2

I'm in the same boat as you and people tell me the exact same things. Personally I don't feel that I need to be a social butterfly to be a good person. Frankly I find small talk boring as hell too, but that just makes the realy conversations that much more exciting. Don't let your friends try to make you feel bad. If they're realy friends they'll accept you for who you are and what your comfort zone is. You're not an outcast or pathetic. It just shows that you value your time and a GOOD conversation.

Answer 3

I have found that I was the same way for many years. Socializing at a function in a room full of people comes easy and natural for some, but for others---well, we dread it.

Think of it this way. To me you are social. You are communicating in Yahoo Answers! People that are not social do reach out. Socializing is a skill that can be learned and it can be invaluable for networking purposes. You can take a class or read a self-help book on the subject. For me I did both and also made it a game. I really tried to focus on the person who I was speaking with. Let them do most of the talking. Listening is an art form also and it makes people feel wonderful when they can tell you're really listening to them. Try to remember their name and use it once in the conservation. Think of how their name suits them, or not. I had a function yesterday when I had to greet and say something nice to around 300 people. This one girl was named Dulce. I asked her if she knew her name meant sweet in Spanish. She laughed and said that her parents had tried by giving her a name to live up to, but it was a misnomer as she was a litigation attorney. We both had a great laugh!

I don't mean to be critical of your friend, but when you go to a function like that, one should aways hang around and help the person out that you came with before leaving them alone to fly solo. Shame on him, to me, he's not very social and kind of weird! Good luck to you!

Answer 4

You're no social outcast, nor are you anything close to a "pathetic freak;" trust me on that one. I have always been one of those outgoing types. More than likely I was compensating for feelings of inadequacy during my childhood and became a bit of a ham in order to protect myself in social situations. In comparison, you sound more adjusted than I do! :-)

Truth is, everyone is different in how they react in social situations. So you don't like small talk? I don't see that as any type of problem. The problem sounds more like you are allowing your friends to pick your social environment instead of choosing for yourself. If you like to meet and talk with interesting people, why not choose those events and environments where you would meet them? What are you interested in? Then go where people who share your interests gather and you may be surprised at how quickly your social flower blooms.

Your friend may not share your interests. That's okay. People don't have to share all their lives with friends. This could be a great chance for you to make new friends and find opportunities to discuss those things that interest you most.

Eccentric and weird? Thank goodness. We need eccentric and weird people. Otherwise, my wife and I would have no one to talk to. :-) Tell your friend to take a chill pill, let go of their expectations of who you are supposed to be and simply accept you for who you are. Enjoy yourself and get out there.

Answer 5

Be not dismayed. I am rather quiet as well. I have trouble at parties with people that I don't know. Some super friendly ones think that its cool to bombard you with questions. I usually spend parties in a corner quietly observing and trying to remember everything about everybody. Sometimes I spend the whole time with my good friends. There is nothing wrong with you, people like you and I just prefer not to partake in pointless conversations where you have to pretend to be interested.

Answer 6

Everyone doesn't have to be social, but you need to tolerate a certain amount of small talk. Why? Because it's polite and you can get to know people better through that. Not everyone has to be a social animal but just make sure you're not coming off as rude to people!

Answer 7

it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.

do you think all the people who made computes way back in the day (in 'my time' ) were outgoing and bursting with confidence? NO.

bill gates was the biggest social outcast in his class.

Answer 8

The trick on being more social centers around how comfortable you are to the people you are talking to. The more experience you obtain on going out with different people and feeling comfortable in your surroundings, you will start speaking out more. Practice makes perfect. I was very shy growing up. I forced myself to join groups so I could be more comfortable in speaking to large groups and it worked. It gave me a level of comfort and it also gave me an idea how other cultures communicated. There is nothing wrong with you and don't worry about what your friend said, you are fine. If we worry about what other people say, we will worry ourselves to death.

Answer 9

You sound mature to me. Just may have to wait for some of the others to catch up to you! If you are some kind of pathetic freak, it is a shame there are not more like you!

Answer 10

The bar/cocktail scene isn't the only way to be social.

Try coffee cafes, museum exhibits, and other types of socializing that might be more fun.