Do I really need to just 'get over it'?

Question

I haven't had the easiest life, and all my life people have said i over-react. I was abducted and raped as a child, was in an abusive relationship when i was 14, got pregnant at 14 and miscarried (from abusive partner) - and then again when i was 15. I've had councelling, but it hasn't helped. I find it hard to physically talk about any of it. People tell me just to 'get over it'- but it's not that easy for me. I see a young mum with a baby and i break inside. Someone yells or screams and my heart goes into my stomach. I can't be touched. I have constant nightmares/flashbacks. Is this normal? I'm 19 now

The guy i was in the abusive relationship with, i got the courage just before my 17th to break up with.

Answer 1

You will carry those feelings with you until can get over it, but that's not as simple as it sounds. I was abused as a child, and I harbored feelings of resentment, anger, and the inability to allow anyone "in" until I was 24. I tried the mental health fixes like antidepressants, and none of them worked. Pills are for people with chemical imbalances, and those are inherited.
What finally worked for me was counseling. I know what you mean about not wanting to talk to anyone about it, and the trick is to find the right person. I saw 3 or 4 different people before I found one I was comfortable with, so don't give up. Once I found the person I was comfortable telling all to, I went every two weeks for a year before I felt I was ready to stop. It took me that long to trust them enough to let it all out, and then for her to help me find my own ways to cope and have some closure. But it was all worth it, because my quality of life is so much better now!
Don't let anyone tell you you are just over reacting, or you should just get over it-we all deal with things differently, and there are people out there with mental health issues stemming from ALOT less trauma than what you've been through. You have to do it for yourself-value yourself enough to want to have a better life. Know that you deserve it, go after it, and screw what all of those other people say!

Answer 2

Your obviously a strong woman. I hate the answer "get over it" because everyone who has ever said it to me, doesnt know what it feels like to be kicked around. I got kicked out of the navy because of a heel spurr, three weeks away from graduating and now I dont know what to do with myself. I had an abusive father growing up and while I was in boot camp my mom was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer. "Getting over it" is not the answer for situations like yours and mine. You have had such a hard life, I can understand why this kind of thing could haunt you. Do you want to continue living your life this way? I wouldnt. You have to want to make a better life for yourself. Toughen up. Tell yourself everday that you deserve better and then go out into the world and do just that. If someone yells at you, turn that fear and depression into anger. Yell back, scream and rage, just dont let that person beat you down. You deserve better. If your still with your abusive partner, dump his butt. If he's not going to treat you with love and respect like a normal person, then screw him, kick him to the curb, get him out of your life. You'll be better off without him. Also, think about seeing a counselor. You need to work through the nightmares/flashbacks from your past or they're just going to eat you up. Not right now, but I hope sometime in the future, you can learn to trust people again.
Another suggestion- do something nice for someone else. Sometimes helping others, helps you forget your own problems for a little while. Make yourself a blessing to someone. Your kind smile or pat on the back might just pull someone back from the edge. :)

Answer 3

It's more complex that just having to 'get over it'. I was in an abusive relationship, and I know what it is like to panic from seeing or hearing something, and to not be able to do anything about it. It sounds like you have Post-Truamatic Stress Disorder. Be sure to see a psychiatrist that can prescribe medication, because it helps. I found that sleep aids (Ambien) cut down on the nightmares. A doctor can also prescribe something for anxiety, which will cut down on the panic attacks.

I think you need to find a friend that understands what you have been through. Not necessarily someone who has been through it, but a strong person that can care for you. If you don't have that, please try to get a pet. When I have nightmares, I calm down when my cat is next to me.

A lot of abuse victims have PTSD and it can be controlled. You are not over-reacting. Anyone who understands what you have been through and still thinks you are overreacting is not worth your friendship.

I hope I helped.

Answer 4

Hello Sarah. You cannot just "get over it". It is not easy being a young mom that has gone through all this. Nightmares and flashbacks are a consequence of this. It is normal after you went through this. It this councelling didn´t work try to find a good psychiatrist and make the effort to talk about it so you can get it off your chest and heal things. Good luck! [e-mail]

Answer 5

No, you do not need to just "get over it". Don't you hate it when people say that? You've had alot of traumatic experiences, and what you're describing sounds like post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I have PTSD (I've had alot of traumatizing medical problems/surgeries at a young age, I'm also 19 now) and it's basically impossible to get over it without some sort of therapy. Unfortunately, there is no medication for PTSD like there is for depression and anxiety, although those medications might help. My mom had PTSD after she was raped and she needed help for a long time. I know it's really hard to talk about, and since it happened recently, that makes it even worse. I would recommend going to therapy again because things might change. You don't necessarily have to talk about what's really bothering you until you've gotten comfortable with the therapist/situation but sine PTSD affects aspects of your normal life, it can help to just talk about that. It's helped me alot and I know it helped my mom. I also like to keep a journal of things that I think about alot. It gets them out of my head and onto paper so I don't have to keep reliving things. It will get easier as time goes by but it probably won't ever completely go away. I'm sorry about everything that happened to you and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

Answer 6

You have definetly had your share of bad stuff happen to you and for anyone to say "just get over it" has no feelings for what you are going through. It is not that easy. Unfortunately the past counceling hasn't helped but that is not to say if you can find someone else they can't help you, but you have to want the help. It takes a lot of work and a lot of searching inside ones self to process all that has happened to you. Your in a lot of pain and it will take time to get over all that you have been through, but you will. Don't blame yourself first of all, learn to forgive and pray alot. Time does heal. You may not believe it now, but in time it will.
Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

That is very devastating. I am so sorry that you had that experience.

Somehow, you have to come to grip with your past and just realize it happened, there is nothing you can do about what has happened to you, it was not your fault, and then you have to learn to live with this terrible thing that happened to you.

You have to find a way to make this ugly thing that happened somehow motivivate you to move on to bigger things and to be a success in your life. Yes it happened, you will never forget it, but you can succeed in spite of it.

It may be that in helping someone else, you will find the strength and the motivation to deal with your own past. Think about a career that you can pursue that you can help someone else that may have had the same or similiar experience, that may not be as strong as you. How can you help them? In helping others, the focus comes off of you and you will somehow be in a better situation to deal with yourself.

Good luck I am pulling for you. Keep in mind that God has saved you this long for a reason. There is someone or someones out there that will cross your path that will need you to inspire. Prepare yourself, so that you can save them and put them back on path.

Answer 8

Please believe that the feelings you have are perfectly normal for what you have experienced in your young life.

It is impossible for you do deal with this by yourself. I hope you can find a good therapist to help you work through this.

I experienced sexual abuse when I was very young and had nightmares a few years back. I had repressed those memories for over 50 years. I was blessed with the best therapist. It has been nine years of therapy (I had other problems, too.)

When people tell you to get over it, tell yourself that you will do whatever it takes to get well.

I hope you do get help.

Answer 9

It's never to late to enjoy your life from this moment on. I can honestly say that getting over anything especially in that magnitude is easier said than done. I have heard many testimonies about women who have gone thru similar things and the only way they were able to understand and move on with their lives were to take what the devil has intended for evil and have God use it for good. Look to God to get you to rise above all these terrible circumstances and not allow the circumstances dictate to you who you will be. I'm sure your normal but I know that your searching to have peace. Jesus loves you. Don't ever forget that.

Answer 10

Hi, sorry to here that these things have happened to you. I think you need intensive counselling, you said that you have had counselling and it didn't work, counselling isn't magic is doesn't make all your nightmares go away, it will however help you to deal and except what has happened so you can make better decisions for your future, you might need to look for another councellor, try and find one that you feel comfortable with. You need to talk about it because blocking it all out will not help you at all, you need to deal with it, trust me you need help in letting go of the past. I hope I have helped and I wish you all the best for your future. Goodluck x