My mother and I have been fighting.?

Question

I helped her set up a Paypal account and she helped me out by sending me some money several months ago through Paypal. Well over the last three months she discovered that someone transferred money out of her paypal account and she thinks it was me. I researched this and found that someone hacked into her account but she still blames me. She is so upset because she doesnt want my stepdad to find out she used his checking account. How do I get it through to her I had nothing to do with this? She called me screaming and yelling wanting to know how I could do this to her. I tried to email her everything so she could see but she is not listening to me. I told her never to call me again if all she was going to do was yell at me and NOT listen to me. I tried to help her but she will NOT listen to any advice I give. She wants me to take the blame and explain it to him that I set up the acct. so my stepdad will be mad at me and not her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am 36.

I feel she is being stubborn and wants an easy way to get through to my stepdad- He can be a monster (he is worse than her in the stubborness category). I shouldnt have to take the blame for something I didnt do. I really appreciate how she helped me out those times too. This is tearing our family appart. Now my stepdad wants to get a court order against me or something, because the history shows those transactions when my mom sent me money. I cant believe she would be this way to me. A brief history of our family life, my mom didnt raise me, my grandparents did. After my dad died, my mom couldnt handle all 4 of us so my grandparents took over. Then she married my stepdad, he was mean to us all the time, we have never had a good relationship. Ive tolerated my mom and stepdad and talked to my mom at least once a week. I tried to honor her even though she put us all through hell. NOW this.

I guess I should have added that she did turn it over to paypal and his bank has put stop payment on those transactions. But he was out fees and returned checks, etc. She wants me to help fix it all and make it go away. I have led her to all these resources and now I guess she expects me to give her the money for the fees so she wont have him to deal with. YES he is in control of their money because my mother is horrible with finances. Paypal dropped it because of lack of evidence or something, that is when she took it to his bank. And now they are telling him he has to get a court order, well he thinks it was me because my name is in the account history- she wont tell him she sent me money.

Answer 1

Let them take it to court. You did nothing wrong, and having her in front of the judge, she will have to swear under oath, so she won't be able to lie about it. She'll probably try to keep it from going to court because of this. If anything, you'll be able to explain your part to the judge and show the evidence you have. The case will be dropped. Good luck hun. Don't let them get to you. They seem the type not to take resposibility for their own actions and want someone to blame.

Answer 2

This is really tough because your mom is not really mad at you but the situation she finds herself in regarding her husband. She made the decision to set up the Paypal account, and she now wants you to take the blame for the hacker disruption. She is in a bad marriage if she cannot honestly discuss this with him and expect his support--unless he advised, admonished, whatever--that she not set up a Paypal account.

I recommend the following:
*tell your mother that you will repay the money she lent you (if you haven't already).
*give her information about how to report a Paypal hacker (she may have protection from her bank or credit card or Paypal against unauthorized charges)
*tell your mother that she needs to confront her husband because it affects his checking account, and sooner is better than later--it is always better to be warned, rather than find out, for example, when his checks bounce, and then he learns the source of the problem....especially since she knew all along.

The only caveat I would say is that since you live apart from them, maybe you do act as the "fall" guy if she could potentially be hurt physically if the truth is exposed. She may be in an abusive relationship, which is another sad possibility. After all, he has his own checking account--why did she not use her own to link to Paypal? (does he control all the money?)

I think your mother's extreme reaction should be a red flag that there is more going on here. You should approach her as willing to help her, as long as she acknowledges that you did not break her trust and hack her account. I think it is a reasonable expectation that she accept responsibility for what she did to create the situation, fix the problem with Paypal, and acknowledge that you were innocent.

Unfortunately, despite her being your mother and also being an adult, she doesn't appear very mature. Try to convey your love to her, your appreciation for how she has helped you, and your willingness to help her, too. Don't escalate the situation with anger back at her. Try not to even raise your voice. If she persists, tell her to call back when she can speak to you as a civil adult. Then try to move on with your life. No one, not even your mother, has the right to call you a liar. Be gracious whenever you can, and then just let it go.

Answer 3

My suggestion is for you to call PayPal directly, they have reps and phone number (see source box below for all info). Explain to them what has happened and what your own investigation found, and I'm sure they will take care of this, also proving to your Mom that the money did not go to you.
Good luck!

Answer 4

So sorry to hear you are going through this.Hugs.
Maybe pay pal keeps a list of all transactions?Could you mail her a copy if they do?I suggest keeping your mind on the problem at hand.Not on your step dad,he is now your mother's problem.