This is my challenge- I am an adult, and live with my Mom and step dad. Among other reasons, I have OCD, which has delayed my ability to gain independence. But now, I am at a point where I can venture forth on my own.
My parents are good Christian people, and I love them very much. But they are unwise with money matters. I have had to loan, give, and grant them a lot of money recently, since my Mom is involved in a lawsuit with her former employer. She also has Carpal Tunnel in both wrists. My step dad makes very little income. I am looking for a new job.
How can I assertively approach my parents, and tell them that I am going to start saving my money in two months from now? I need to, for many reasons. I need to get married to my girlfriend, I need to move out, I need a new car, etc.
They keep telling me and lecturing me about how "It takes money to live." I realize that, but I need to start saving funds for my future.
How can I assertively explain my needs to them?
2007-04-22 09:15:42 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Gosh, what a tough situation you're in. I don't think there's any way but to bite the bullet, but I know it could be hard. Are you paying them for board and lodging? If not, I think you should start doing so, and tell them that you really appreciate all the support they have given you but from now on, it has to be on a more respectful basis - you will pay them a fair rate, but you want to start saving your money beyond that in order to be able to develop an independent life of your own. If you are already paying them board and lodging, once again make clear how much you have appreciated their support but just say you need to start saving towards your future. Assertiveness is often easier if you are careful and respectful - so do make a definite point of saying how much you have gained from their kindness and support in letting you stay with them, how much you want to continue a good relationship with them as you grow older and more mature and more independent. Hopefully they will then understand that you are being loving and caring. If they respond badly, just keep clearly saying the same things - that you value their support, that you need to plan for your future. Don't get angry - it won't help. Just stick to your guns and keep repeating what you want them to hear and understand. Best of luck!
2007-04-22 09:27:09 · answer #1 · answered by Ambi valent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you know it takes money to live, that's why you're working and saving your money so that you can and from now on, you are not going to be anyone's personal financer.
2007-04-22 10:09:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be open and honest with them as you were with us here. Don't worry too much about their reaction. Just be clear with yourself beforehand that you will be sticking to your goals.
Remind them that you will always care for them, but now have to save for your future.
2007-04-22 09:19:42 · answer #3 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋