Should we tell our son that it is the anniversary of his grandfather's death?

Question

My father in law passed away a year ago today. Our son, who is 3 1/2 remembers him and knows that he has "gone to live with God." But since this isn't really something we are 'celebrating' but rather 'commemerating' we're not sure whether bringing up that today is the specific day is a good idea.

My thoughts on telling him are that it might be nice for us to all share special memories. And it might help him understand why his dad and I are sad today.

We live 500 miles away from where he is buried, so we won't be visiting the gravesite.

Should we tell him? Please no rude answers, today is hard enough as it is.

Answer 1

I wouldn't necessarily point out that it's the anniversary of his death. That might be too much for a 3 1/2 year old to grasp or really deal with.

But absolutely include him in your commemoration, and tell him that you are sad because you miss him. If he starts asking questions about why you miss him, remind him gently that he passed away last year, and move back towards sharing memories, etc.

It's healthy for kids to learn how to deal with death, sadness, memories, all normal experiences and emotions. Sheltering would only lead to confusion later on in life. Sharing memories and crying together is a good, healthy way to deal with this. I, personally, think that an anniversary of a death might just be too much for him to understand thoroughly because at that age, I think they really think death is nothing more than "gone forever".

Answer 2

I personally wouldnt say anything to him - he is too young to really understand and he I am sure has only very limited memories at this point. Do what you want to do and if he askes why you are sad tell him you miss his grpa and that should be enough. If he asks more answer his questions but I wouldnt bring up the topic.

Answer 3

We have lost several grandparents; my older son was four, seven and nine years old. We remember Grandma and Grandpas.
On their birthdays,and celebrate their lives by having their
favorite dinner or dessert. My boys are now 18 and 22 and still enjoy this tradition. We tell stories about them so we can keep memories alive.

Answer 4

I think that it would help, but he probably won't understand it until he is much older. But it would keep his memory alive and help your son to have a good memory of that day. Kinda like a birthday, children don't really understand it until they are older.
Good luck, and I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 5

I wouldn't tell him it's the anniversary of his death, but you might want to get out a picture of him and talk about him and remember all the good times.

Answer 6

Your son probably won't understand what an "anniversary" is, but you can encourage him to talk about what he remembers of his grandfather.

Answer 7

I dont see why you would, it just might bring up more question for him

Answer 8

Your son should know and remember the day his grandpa died. Please tel him now, it will be a whole lot easier.