When I go to visit them in Georgia, seems every time that their biological Dad always has a gathering scheduled at the last minute. My new Husband and I tell the boys if they wish to go to go ahead. I am there not often at all. Do you think their Dad is doing this on purpose to hurt me or the boys. The boys tell me since they are not as close to their Dad as they are to me, they feel they should go. But keep telling me how sorry they are but I smile and I say ok. But inside it hurts knowing I only get few and percious moments with them while their Dad lives minutes from them.
2007-04-22 07:41:06 · 7 answers · asked by a t 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My son's are 22 and 20 years old. I forgot to put that in. The answers so far are awesome. Thanks so much to all. I am taking your advice and talking to them.
2007-04-22 09:12:58 · update #1
I know what you mean. I think you should cool it with your boys, let them do the running. This will hurt you while this is happening. You see they feel you give them "unconditional love", that is, "mother will ALWAYS be there for us" but maybe dad won't be, even though he lives nearby. Maybe he also has deep pockets, that always draws the kids.....at least mine. And yes, I think he, their bio dad is doing it on purpose. What would happen if you ALL showed up at the bio dad's gathering??? Fun?
I got divorced after 30 years cos my husband was very unfaithful. My grown children knew about it all, and they were sympathetic to me. But when he called "they jumped".....and I'm sure it was "deep pockets". Well, he married one of his gals, and I have a wonderful manfriend, for l3 years now. We do not live together, I live in Mx. and he in CA and he visits me about 6 times a year and I visit him 4 or 5 times, and we speak on the phone each night. He is a work aholic and I am very active in restoring historical houses in Mx. we both lead full and active lives, and we are monogomous. My daughter who is in films in Hollywood is getting married in November, and of course I'll be there with "my man" who promises to be very attentive to me the whole time at the reception, which will be very supportive. I just hope my ex is paying for his only daughter's wedding, and that I will not have to chip in. I know how deep his pockets are.
However, back to your sons and their bio dad, I think if you do cool it with them, let them call you more, and you can say something like, "the next time we are visiting from the distance we are coming from, and your local dad decides to have a gathering, we'll be at the gathering too."
But I do think you are being too soft, and not pointing out the fact that you are their MOTHER who did most of the raising and care of them, and that they should show more respect for YOU. They are taking you for GRANTED.
lOTS OF LUCK!
2007-04-22 07:59:38 · answer #1 · answered by Tinribs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can't you have some kind of visitation rights, like you get them for the summer, or for Christmas or something. i sould recommend moving closer but not too close, that way you only have to go maybe a couple hours, per say, to see them instead of across the country. It does sound like their father is doing that on purpose and it's very immature, he needs to start thinking about the kids before himself. I would be angry if my mom had done that to me, when my dad came to see me. You twos problems have nothing to do with them and he needs to grow up and realize that.
2007-04-22 07:47:29 · answer #2 · answered by countrygrl278 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also have adult children and with that being said, I treat them as such!! If my children ever need to talk with me about anything, they know that I am always available to them, and because of our relationship I know the same applies to me! I would sit and express my feelings (leaving nothing out) to my children. I would never smile and go along with anything that hurts me as this is obviously hurting you. Why would they not go? You have smiled, you have said it's ok and they have no reason to think otherwise. Stop blessing behaviors that annoy and then being hurt because your boys do what you have given them permission to do!!
2007-04-22 08:00:52 · answer #3 · answered by 2be4real 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me to be quite obvious that your ex husband is using your sons as a weapon against you.
Please talk to your sons and tell them that you do feel hurt that every time you visit, they go off to Dad (especially as he live so close).
It is never a good idea to pretend you are happy about something when you are not. You are harming your sons and yourself. Tell the truth.
Suggest to them that he is doing it deliberately to assert his power over them and over you, and ask them in future to keep the rare weekends that you visit available for you.
Alternatively, tell them that you will not be visiting again, you will wait for them to come to you.
Remember your sons learn as much from their father as they do from you. Do not allow manipulative behaviour to continue.
Look after yourself and be safe
Sandy
http://www.moms-home-safety.com
2007-04-22 07:56:21 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the ex and nicely let him know you are coming and don't want to interfere with any plans he might have, then call the boys and tell them you talked with their dad and you know for sure his schedule is clear.
If he plans anything after that, it will be obvious to all that he's just playing petty games and needs to be ignored.
2007-04-22 08:00:40 · answer #5 · answered by nailgal2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is doing it on purpose. Plan somehting long and drawn out and tell the kids how much you REALLY need them to go with you. Don't give in to HIM, take your sons by any means neccesary. Good Luck.
2007-04-22 07:44:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah he is trying to get to you for sure. If I were you I would ask your sons to ask their father to reschedule or ask their father yourself! You deserve to spend time with them, I think you should do something about it.
2007-04-22 07:44:05 · answer #7 · answered by not telling you!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋