Living together before marriage.?

Question

What do you think about people who live together before marriage, to fiqure out if you mesh well as a family, especially a relationship with a kid from another marriage involved?

Answer 1

I think people make poor choices.

I am not religious, that is just the human condition these days and a lot of the so-called religious are the ones with 15 year old daughters getting knocked up.

Answer 2

The short answer: Biblically, it is wrong. Statistically, it doesn't help the chance that the marriage will succeed. Rather than rush into living together, spend a couple of years or more getting to know each other and any children involved.

Do things together that are likely to cause strife and arguments and see how you handle them. Do recreational activities together. Cook together. Involve the children. Discuss really touchy subjects - like who gets to discipline the children involved (that's a biggie if there are step children - research this one very carefully!!!)

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial." 1 Corinthians 6:12 (NIV)

You posted your question in Religion and Spirituality. The issue of living together is a long because it involves the issue of sin and sexual purity and immorality. If this is a concern for you, please discuss it with your pastor.

Galatians 5:19, 21 (New International Version)

19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; . . . 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Blessings to you!

Answer 3

Living together is no test of compatibility . This has been proven over and over millions of times.
When two single people are living together, they are living their courtship personalities. Something way back in their heads keep telling them that the other can walk away from the arrangement at any time.
When the arrangement is made into a legal contract, the real personalities come out. The husband thinks, now you're mine, and you better do what I say. The wife thinks, okay you wanted me, now take care of me and get me everything I want.
They might not even be conscious of those thoughts, but they're there, and too often come out in the open.

Answer 4

If you are a Christian it is advised against.

If you are not a Christian, you should know that statistically the odds are against a healthy marriage when you do that.

Higher risk of divorce. Cohabitors who do marry are more at risk for subsequent divorce than those who did not cohabit before marriage. In the United States the risk of divorce is 50 percent higher for cohabitors than for non-cohabitors. The divorce rate is even higher with previously married cohabitors and serial cohabitors (those who have had several cohabiting experiences). There are some indications that the divorce rate is higher for couples who live together for a longer period of time, especially over three years.

Less satisfactory adiustments in marriage.

Harmful effect upon children. Research in both England and the United States details the negative impact upon children, including a much higher incidence of child abuse (10 to 33 times more likely with unmarried couples than with married couples).

Cohabiting couples are more likely to:

Duck tough issues.
Repress anger and avoid criticism of each other’s annoying behavior.
Fail to develop realistic and satisfactory financial habits.
Suffer strained relationships with parents, close family members and treasured friends.
Struggle with an undercurrent of guilt by this violation of one's conscience or religious upbringing.

Answer 5

Please don't. You can severely alter the child's whole outlook on life if something goes wrong. You might "put up with" something small 'cause "you can always walk away". That something small eventually ends the relationship. However, your child has now been affected. How they relate to themselves and others in the future can be decided in something so small and simple.
"Zac" grew up in a home with a sort-of-step-dad during his middle years (10-14). The man and his mother never did marry - nor did the relationship last more than a few years. Mom stayed single after that til Zac was about 19. His biological father left town when he was a toddler. He now thinks it is perfectly normal to have children out of wedlock and if a woman does not "measure up" she can be replaced. He prefers woman with children so that he can use them against the woman - to keep her in line. "If you don't do ....., you and your kids can leave".
Remember - when a child is involved, your actions can have LONG reaching affects.

Answer 6

I personally don't believe in living together before marriage, especially with a child involved. I have not known of any living together relationships, whether or not you get married eventually. The marriages don't seem to last. Hope this helps and I didn't offend you.

Answer 7

If a unmarried man and an unmarried woman are alone together, the third presence is Satan.......

Relations Before Marriage.

Question:

What is the view of the religion concerning [premarital] relations?

Answer:

If the questioner means by “before marriage,” before consummation of the marriage but after the contract, then there is no harm in such relations since she is his wife by virtue of the contract, even though they have not decorously consummated the marriage. However, if it is before the marriage, such as during the period of engagement or otherwise, such contact is forbidden and impermissible. It is not allowed for a man to enjoy a non-related women’s company, either by speech, look or private company. It is confirmed the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi-wasallam) said,
''A man cannot be alone with a women except in the presence of [one of her] mahram . And a women cannot travel except with a mahram .'' [1]

In sum, if that contact or association is after contract, there is no harm in it. If it is before the marriage ceremony, even if it is after the proposal and acceptance, it is not allowed. Such behaviour is forbidden for him since the women is a non-relative and non-wife until they conclude the marriage contract.

________________________

[1] Recorded Muslim.Al-Bukhari has something similar.



Shaykh Muhammad bin Saalih al-`Uthaymeen
Islamic Fatawa Regarding Women - Darussalam Pg. 195-196

Answer 8

Living together before marriage is a perfect oppurtunity to get to know one and other on a more personal level (after all we never trully know someone until AFTER we live with them for a while).

It takes work to blend 2 new families together. There are ground rules to discuss like bed times for all the kids...traditions (especially if of different religions), finanical issues...etc.

How is the new parent going to deal with the new child. There are discipline issues...cerfews...etc. Take these factors into consideration (Im sure there are more than just the examples I listed), and be patient. Blessed Be.

Answer 9

i lived w/ my first boyfriend for a few months before i was religious (Islam).

honestly, it's not as cool as you'd think!

i think if people need to live together before they get married, then they have unresolved issues. they think that living together will make them closer. but when you really look at the situation, the truth is that if you don't want to marry the person you're with anytime in the near future, that probably means you're never going to.

i think if you're really madly in love with someone, you're going to want to get married. i mean think about it, what is marriage anyway? that just means you're sure about who you love.

stuff like not learning all each others' tiny living habits before marriage should not cause problems later if you really love the person.

but it's a personal choice.

Answer 10

The problem with doing this isn't so much of a matter of sin it's a matter on not committing to the other person. In the eyes of God you are married when live as one. It's the couple saying "if it doesn't work we can always just walk away".. In doing that it become adultery. If you don't know if you love someone then don't do it. It's just a chance for sin you can avoid by making a free will commitment to that other person... Jim

Answer 11

It's funny that statistics have proven that divorce is more common among those that live together before marriage. You think people would learn. Just shows how sad some people are.