I have the desire to serve my country in the military my wife opposes the idea what should i do?

Question

I am afraid if i dont join years later i will regret not following my heart

Answer 1

I was the wife who opposed the idea of my husband joining the Army 6 years ago. I finally gave in after 3 years of marriage, and agreed to meet the recruiter. I had a sit down with 2 seperate recruiters, and later had lunch with their wives for a little heart to heart. I learned everything I could about it, and in the end didn't want to be the reason my husband didn't follow his dream. I know this probably won't mean much to your wife coming from a total stranger, but I was 100% against the idea of my husband enlisting, and after 6 years, I haven't regretted a second of it!

Answer 2

If it is in your heart to do it, then you should do your best to ensure that your wife is comfortable with your decision also. I would find some Military family websites with forums that she can ask questions onnor see if you can find a recruiter that can arrange for a military spouse to talk with your wife. If she is unable to be okay with your joining the military, then perhaps you could try to find a civilian job that provides support to the military.

Remember, it takes a unique and very strong woman to endure being a Military Wife. Some women are just not cut out to move every few years, endure lengthy separations, and basically being the only stable parent in their childrens' lives. Consider this carefully as well.

Hope I was able to help you out and good luck!

Answer 3

I feel that each person in the relationship has his or her desires and wants and needs to do what they feel is right in their hearts. And I feel that their partner should stand behind them no matter how hard it is. The wife should be honored to be your partner, wanting to join the military, and serve your country and keep America safe for generations to come. It wont be easy and it will take alot of hard work, If you don't follow your dreams, you will regret it later in life, and put blame on the one that held you back. Good Luck to you

Answer 4

Well, I usually tell people to follow their dreams, however I also always preach about healthy informed decisions in a marriage. Both of my sons are military and love it so on that end I understand your desire. However, one of my sons is going through a divorce due to his career choice. Being a military wife is more difficult than you guy think, I have spoken to several wives and they all agree that it is a challenge. Some are cut out for it and alot are not. If you wife is opposed to this before you even enlist, you are putting your marriage in serious jeopardy. Like I said, I understand your desire but, you have already made a life long commitment that you need to uphold. Good luck to you, whatever you choose.

Answer 5

My husband had the same desire that you do. And I very much opposed it, just like your wife does. I knew that the life of a military wife would be hard, and I was scared. In the end though, I saw how important it was to him. After a lot of talking about it, we decided to go to the recruiting office together and learn more about it, including what it would mean for me. He is now a soldier in the US Army, and I could NOT be MORE proud of him. He is a different person, in the sense that he is happier and more fulfilled and that makes him a better man and a better husband. I am so very glad that I decided to stand by him with this decision. Now I don't ever want him to get out of the military! Isn't that ironic? So my advice to you is to continue to talk about it with her, find out the real information so you two will know how it will affect both of your lives. It's a hard decision, but it is one that needs to be made together. Good luck!

Answer 6

All I can tell you is that if your wife isn't 110% on board with you, it will wreak havoc on your marriage. It's hard enough to make a marriage work with one person in them military, if you two don't agree on your service, it will make it nearly impossible. The current situation in Iraq makes it even harder.

Take her to the recruiter with you, and if possible, have her talk to as many current military wives as possible. I hated the Army at first, but now I love being a military wife. I can definitely understand where your wife is coming from though. I know I cannot be my husband's 1st priority and I also know the risks his job makes him take. If that's not something she can handle, it may not be a good idea for the 2 of you.

The two of you need to make this decision together, and make sure whatever you decide is what you both want. It is incredibly hard to be a military family, and you both need to be completely dedicated to each other (and to the military) in order for it to work.

Answer 7

Is your wife one of those wives who stays at home and does not work?

If the answer to this question is "YES"...then do what you want. If she wants to continue to have her meal ticket, she will go with you.

If the answer is "NO" and she has a job and brings in money also, then you have to consider what your decision will do to her ability to work. Many times military wives are unable to build a career or advance in their profession because they keep having to pull up roots and move with their man.

If your wife is making more money than you and has a good job with prospects of advancement, consider your motives. Are you jealous of her making more money and this is a means of ending her career in an "honorable" way?

Children complicate the issue but just because you have kids does not mean you can not serve your country.

You may have to chose. If you join the military what are your expectations? Do you expect your wife to give up her job and move with you to where ever you go? How about the kids? What would be your reaction if they stayed where they are while you go do your 4-8 years of service time, visiting them during holidays and vacation? Would your wife divorce you?

You need to really think about your motives and why she objects to it. But again, if she stays at home and you bring in all the money, HOW you bring in the money is your decision.

Answer 8

Find a way to serve your country stateside. You made a commitment when you got married. Your marriage is more important right now. Honor your wife and don't enlist. Rather, contact one of the armed forces branches near you and see how you can volunteer your services to them. Here are two opportunities you might want to look in to.. I know there are many others.
http://www.ncjrs.gov/safety_preparedness/volunteer.html

http://www.spiritofamerica.net/

Answer 9

The toughest job in the military belongs to the Military Wife. If she is unable to support this desire and you go ahead and enlist you are headed down a hard road.
Time for heart to heart communication, my dear. An objective third party, a marriage counselor or clergy could help you to sort it out.
As a married man your decisions affect more than you alone.
What is most important to you?

Answer 10

This is a decision you must make together. If she is opposed, you must at least hear her reasoning on the subject. I am retired Army (Band) and had the support of my wife throughout my career. Her role in my career was just as important as mine, and her support was invaluable. Listen to her objections, get counseling if you have to, and consider her opinion as you would any equal partner's. Since you did not mention any of her reasoning, I cannot comment on it, but I am sure she has your best interests at heart. Maybe you need to let her know how you want to serve your country. I wish you the best in reaching a mutually satisfying decision, and I sincerely hope that your relationship survives this very real test of wills.