I have a wonderful husband, dont get me wrong. But every single weekend, his friend comes over and stays the entire time with us! note this friend has a wife at home too! They did this all the time b4 my hubby and i got married, but it's really getting to me! i never have time to spend with my husband besides the weekdays, and we both work. i have talked to him about this and he says i'm being selfish, that our guest does not affect our relationship at all. but it does. what can i do? i dont want to fight about this. but this friend drives me crazy acting like he owns the place! I'm not asking him to never come back. just dont stay over all the time. Am i being selfish? Are grown men too old for sleepovers? I wont even go into what this has done to my love life... Please help me!
2007-04-22 02:43:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is something the two of them did before you got married. But when a couple marries, some things need to change out of respect for each other. It's not unreasonable for him to want to spend some time with his friend. And it's definitely not unreasonable for you to want to spend some time with your husband.
You said you already talked to him and he says you're being selfish. Try again and this time don't let him make you feel guilty. Let him know that you've made changes to accommodate him (I'm assuming you have) and that you need him to do the same. Let him know how much you miss him and that you would love to spend some alone time with him. Suggest a compromise. Maybe he hangs out with his friend every other weekend (to start, then wean him to once a month).
Your husband is being selfish and blind. He stands to lose a wife who loves him if he continues to ignore her needs. If all else fails, make him watch the movie You, Me and Dupree. Not that great a movie but it speaks to exactly this situation. Maybe that will show him what you're trying to tell him.
2007-04-22 03:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe time for straight talk with your hubby, since only his wants are being expressed and done, now sit him down and say right, we've done this for long enough, you have chosen to spend your free tiem with your friend. You are not a bachelor any more, but a married man, and we don't get to spend time, that leads to problems. We need to go away for a weekend (friend is not included).
You have to make him see that you are being treated wrong by this friend. It's most likely not intentionally done, but it needs to be strsighteened out.
Your husband needs to learn that if you put nothing into a marraige, it cannot survive, it's essential to spend time with just the two of you.
Perhaps plan a romantic dinner for two for Friday night, and tell him on Wednesday, making it clear you also live in the house, and have planned time for just the two of you that do not include his friend, this is how married couples live, where there are twqo people, not three. Also tell him that by encouragint this behaviour of his frioend might cause him to have problems in his own relationship.
He needs to get real and stop thinking about just himself here. Ask him how many people are married here?
2007-04-22 02:57:09 · answer #2 · answered by Unicornrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to have friends come over and crash all the time and I did see that it affected mine and my wifes relationship. so I asked that they not come over as much that I had my greatest friend living with me and I didn't want to lose that so in return they came over once in a while then stopped coming over period. but I made a compromise because my wife was more important to me than anyone else. but no men aren't too old for sleepovers no more than women. but there does have to be a limit once a month maybe a few nights or something but every weekend thats a bit much. Now when we have guest for a weekend I go crazy because I like my space and I am happier with just my wife and kids in that space.
2007-04-22 02:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by 4mika 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that you are planning to go away for a weekend, alone since his mate is more important. If he gets upset with this, remind him that his mate has a wife to go home to & 3 is a crowd. Tell him that, it was ok to spend all of their time together when they werent married but as you get older, these things simply fade out. Ask him if he wants his mate or you but, he cant have both. He can still see his mate for a couple of hours but, it is creating tension for you & putting a strain on your marriage. Make his mate feel uncomfortable so he will back off & stop coming over so much. That may work. Dont make him feel welcome. Good luck.
2007-04-22 02:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is making use of Christianity as an excuse to preclude disagreement along with his mom and his buddy. It's cowardly and striking you and your kids in risk. As a mom and a spouse, do not permit it. That is your dwelling, and you don't have any responsibility to have a stranger in it, allow on my own any person who has insulted you and made you and your household believe threatened. I might inform your husband that you are very sorry however you don't seem to be enabling his buddy to stick there, and if he comes besides, you are going to name the police and feature him eliminated. If he does not adore it, he can keep in his mom's dwelling along with his buddy. It is determined by who he desires to spend his vacations - and the leisure of his lifestyles - with. If his buddy will get disillusioned and threatens you or the youngsters, name the police. If his mom will get disillusioned and threatens you or the youngsters, name the police. If your husband will get disillusioned and threatens you or the youngsters, name the police. You and your kids have a proper to be riskless on your possess dwelling. It is your husband's task to make designated that occurs. If he is not competent to try this, you need to step as much as the plate in his absence. If you are not able to convey your self to do the ones matters, then sure, I might take the youngsters on your moms and dads. I might additionally instantly begin divorce lawsuits. Isn't there anything within the Bible approximately a person who does not furnish for his household being worse than not anything? Your husband is not offering a fundamental want for you and your kids. You have to factor that out for those who wish it to quit going down.
2016-09-05 19:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by gagandeep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every weekend staying over is too much, and if this guy is acting like he owns your house he needs to be put in his place. Tell hubby"say something to ----- or I will" and follow thru
2007-04-22 02:53:25 · answer #6 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
plan a getaway every other weekend with hubby..or put sexy lingere on saturday morning and wear all day long thru the weekend...
2007-04-22 04:24:32 · answer #7 · answered by sayasyoulike 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
put your foot down he is married now its time to grow up,tell him he can have his friends but they dont need to sleepover ,and you need time alone with him.If that guy still keeps on coming over start charging him for food and rent.
2007-04-22 02:53:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You tell the guy to leave
dont leave it up to your husband
just warn your husband that you are gonna do it
2007-04-22 02:46:14 · answer #9 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Run that friend right out the door and if your husband has a problem with that, tell him he is more than welcome to join his friend.
2007-04-22 03:50:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋