How can my mom deal more effetively with my 73yr gandfather who is VERY moody and easily upset?

Question

Grandpa is very demanding, he wants my mom to go grocery shopping almost every day, drive him around town, etc. He will be able to drive in a month or 2, (hip surgery)He wants ONLY her to do this for him, and she has a very painful shoulder joint problem.Yesterday she told him she needed some time to herself, he got very upset and said he didint like the "things to be presented like that" He also said,"you can turn me down any time you want, just dont tell me you need time to yourself" He has been tested for Alzheimers and does not have it, but he is a little forgetful. He is going to call later today and ask her to bring him somewhere. How can she turn him down without upsetting him? SHe wants to go shopping today but does not want to bring him.Her shoulder will killing her early this morning and.Other people have offered to help out drive him but he wants only her.She says no to him when she has to, she is just looking for a new, very tactful diplomatic way to tell him no

Answer 1

have her tell him that she needs to plan out her schedule, things are getting hectic, so then have her offer him two days a week, to take him shopping,,, perhaps even 3 if she want to,,,,,, he needs to pick the days,,,,, or else she picks them for him,,,,,,,, then they can make out a list each day, of what he needs done, where to go,,, what to buy
two days a week is enough! unless an emergency, such as needing the hospital or doctor , comes up,,,,,,, he is most likely lonely,,,, and bored,,,,,,,, also, she has a right to tell him, that she needs time to herself, in fact, she doest really have to give reasons or excuses, just simply say,,,, i am not available this day,,,, what about tommorow, or friday, or whatever
my father is 76, and while he still drives, he can have some of those tendencies,,,,, come up with something needed right now,,,, or even try to tell me when i should do things i need to do

Answer 2

It is very difficult for families to "deal" with an aging parent. I am a caregiver for the elderly, and I go in in situations just like your family to offer help in anyway they need it. Alot of clients are resistant to the idea at first, but once they realize they have someone there that is all about them for "so many hours" they often go with the flow...we are also trained to help work around the obstacles...your mom may want to consider bringing someone in a couple days a week...your grandfather may like the idea or might have to get used to it at first. but, it will give your mom some respite, so that she is less frustrated when it comes her turn to be the caregiver again. If this is not an option, your mom will have to be loving yet stern in her dealings with her father....Dad I love you and I will do that for you at such and such time but right now I am going to________. I will stop by when I am done.

I hope this helps a little....Good luck to you, your mom and grandpa.

Answer 3

She could say, "I'm sorry, I've made other plans, maybe we can do those things on (whatever date works best for her.)." She should maybe explain to him also that with gas prices getting high, and the fact she has been having shoulder pain and it hurts for her to do alot of driving, then maybe they could set aside one or two specific days out of the week, if not, someone else should drive him. If he's given an explanation, he might better understand that her world isn't all about him. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 4

i think of all indicators could be moody...nicely certainly i'm able to definitely say that I certainly have on no account considered a moody Capricorn or Aries. My mom is an Aries and she or he would not get moody, she gets complete blown atomic bomb mad! i think of all and sundry gets moody whilst they are hungry. i'm a maximum cancers and that i could be moody for no reason in any respect and it could come like a flash and bypass away only as rapid. My moodiness would not final long...this is only unpredictable and unprovoked. My pal is a Sagg and that i think of she's only as moody, particularly whilst she features weight. So, all and sundry has their themes.

Answer 5

Tell him the truth and let him get mad if he needs to. The I need time for myself is a little bit thin I must admit. If she told him about her shoulder joint giving her a lot of pain when she drove he would understand that. When she tell him she won't be able to do something she should tell him that so and so has said that they would be glad to do it. If he doesn't want to let them drive him somewhere, he must not want to go very bad. Old proverb: Beggars shouldn't be choosers.

Answer 6

Your grandfather is not dealing with the fact that your mother is not his personal servant. He is abusing her role as his child. Your mother should not feel guilty if she has something to do and cannot be Molly Maid for the day. She simply needs to state to him, "Dad, I love you...but today, I need some time to myself. I am hurting and I have got to take care of myself, so I can continue to help you." It may hurt her, and him, but then, once the air clears, they should be fine. But if she doesn't take care of herself...she literally won't be able to help him, or anyone else.

Answer 7

grandpa has to understand that other people don't feel well also.
he is forgetful and is in the beginning stages of alzheimers.
with his moodiness and demands...
is he on any medication that might be making this worse?
sometimes when people get older..they get selfish.
you mom has to explain to him..very firmly & nicely that she is able to take him out..when she is up to it.
but that since her shoulder hurts so much..she doesn't want to risk an accident..so she can't take him out on those days.
he should understand that.
if not..then let him have his temper tantrum..
it wil pass...and he'll forget about it..and think of something else to be moody about.

Answer 8

yeh no when she talks to her kids she says no, dont she well if he demands like a kid then I guess he needs to be treated like a kid. As long as she gives into him he will continue doing this to her. Even if she has to get mad then maybe thats the only thing she has left and she has to stick to it. My god she needs a life to and shes giving into to his every whim, and he makes her feel guilty if she dont and thats the same as a child would do.

Answer 9

you may have to answer the phone and say your mom is not home .If he ask you don't know where she went or when she will be back home.

Answer 10

one has to be very tactfull and dilomatic in dealing old persons.