I have an old friend whom I haven’t had much contact with over the past several years due to respect/trust issues, sent me an invitation to her daughter’s communion. I have sent presents in the past out of good will to the little girl and have never received a thank you from the parents or the child. I understand the child is not at fault. Due to other plans, I can’t attend the party (phew). I wasn’t sure if I should send a card with money, just a card or nothing at all. Should I continue being the nice guy or tell them non-verbally that the gravy train stops here?
2007-04-20 23:45:25 · 10 answers · asked by DAR76 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I have no relationship with this child and she doesn't even know me. I haven't spent anytime with her mother either. I don't believe it's an attempt to heal old wounds, more like reaching into my pocket because of the occassion.
2007-04-21 01:11:29 · update #1
Hmmm...does the little girl have a relationship with you? I mean if you're "Uncle DAR76," and the little girl wouldn't understand, then I would recommend sending something small to make sure she knows she hasn't been forgotten. Otherwise, a card is appropriate. It acknowledges the occasion, which is polite, since it IS an important moment for your friend and her daughter, and is a nice gesture, but you're certainly not obligated to send a present or check or something. It's kind of like people who send graduation announcements to anyone they ever worked with/babysat for/were babysat by/etc.--comes across as an attempt to get as much as they can out of the occasion. Never feel obligated to send a present, presents are always a gesture that should stem from your WANTING to give something.
Update: After your updated information, I would say that it's your call about sending a card or not. You're not under any obligation to send something, your only obligation upon receiving the invitation is to let them know you're not coming. Too many people don't RSVP. A card would be a nice gesture, and perhaps a way to determine how sincere the invitation is: if the friend isn't doing it to "reach into your pocket", you'll continue to get invitations, and if she is, well they'll probably stop. The main consideration at this point is you. If you want to get a card, do. If you feel really put upon, don't do anything but send your regrets. If you will feel bad if you don't do something (ie: you have a martyr complex like me :) ), send a card to make yourself feel better, but nothing else.
2007-04-20 23:53:35 · answer #1 · answered by Chelle 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a really nice person, so could you find it in your heart to be nice again? As you said, none of this was the little girl's fault. If I were you I would send a card, with or without money, that's up to you.
I think the girl would appriciate it, even if the mother doesn't remember to say thank-you.
One thing to think of though, could the invite have been the mother's attempt to heal the gap between the two of you?
*** OK, if you feel used, just stop. You don't have to continue to give, if you feel that way. But I don't understand why you did then in the first place.
2007-04-21 00:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say send a card to acknowledge the invite and leave it at that. If the parents do not have enough manners to thank you for going out of your way for any other occasion then why would this be any different... after all it's the thought that counts..not the gift right??? ;) put the breaks on that gravy train!
2007-04-20 23:50:06 · answer #3 · answered by Candace C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what kind gifts/money you've sent in the past, but a card with a couple of bucks for a little girl, she'll always remember you when she grows up, when it comes to children the phrase Gravy-Train......Just remember you did it for the little girl, for a child, even though her parents aren't teaching her to be a young lady.
2007-04-21 00:28:07 · answer #4 · answered by Diana J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since the girl doesn't even know you, I doubt she will miss a gift! And I certainly wouldn't give a gift when you don't get thanked for them. Send your regrets. If you feel like sending a card, do that. But I'd end this so-called friendship.
2007-04-22 22:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thrilling which you're saying you have not had a relationship presently with this individual via "appreciate subjects". authentic colorings, huh? regrettably this individual is coaching her youngster a similar element. each and every each and every now and then the incorrect human beings have youngsters. Are you a godparent or some thing? If not stop the gravy prepare.
2016-11-26 02:16:26 · answer #6 · answered by foulks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would say that after sending gifts that have not been acknowledged then you definitely should not send any more. i would just send a card saying you can't attend and hope it all goes well or congrats or whatever message you think is appropriate. that way you have at least acknowledged the event. hopefully your generosity and thoughtfulness are appreciated by other people in your life who are the recipients.
2007-04-20 23:53:51 · answer #7 · answered by kittycat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think the parents should at least send you a thankyou card or note, just to acknowledge your gift. you can't really expect anything from the girl herself if she's too young or you don't have a relationship with her.
2007-04-20 23:56:18 · answer #8 · answered by Redneck Scum 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you stop sending anything, not even a card.
2007-04-21 21:06:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
send a card nothing in it its very rude that you don't get a thank you not e
2007-04-21 02:09:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋