Muslim men?

Question

I have a question for muslim men, and I have some experience with this, too. A lot, actually. How can you demand each and every duty from women, and so much more than they are required, when you don't even fulfill your own? The Prophet (PBUH) said those who are best in their religion are those who are best to their wives. So how can so many men ignore that and basically act like overgrown babies? Throwing tantrums if the food isn't cooked the way they want it to be (forgetting it's not their wife's duty, conveniently), screaming if a single item is out of place (again, conveniently forgetting that it's not her duty), and basically denying her all of her rights. Why do so many men deny their women education, when both the Quran and sunnah say it's mandatory? Why deny them the right to work, or force them to work as well as everything else? Why can't so many of you do a single thing in the home, like the Prophet (PBUH)? He cleaned up after himself, served himself, helped with

the house chores. He did not complain if food was not to his liking, he simply didn't eat it. He never insulted or raised his voice to his wives. Why do so many men use the pathetic excuse "nobody's perfect" while at the same time barking orders? My brother in law and my ex husband were and are like this. They would also keep money from their wives. They said the women don't deserve money. The women pointed out they had borne these men children and deserved far more than what they were getting, which was almost nothing. Still, the men ignored it and preffered culture over religion. How can the men do this to women? Do you ignore Islam, or just say to yourselves that you won't do it even though you claim to be a muslim (in effect, a wannabe). Please, I'm just dying to know these answers.

Tracy: I never said they never do, I said they are not SUPPOSED to, and are not ALLOWED to according to Islam. And I know my questions, I ask why they go contradictory to it. They prefer culture.

Lawrence, I never ever thought you would be the type to blame the woman.You forget the father. You know, the type that basically has her on a leash. The brother in law also cursedthe wife for trying to teach the children right. They would scream for everything, and their eldest child, who was 70 pounds at the age of three, is having health problems because he threatened the wife that if she did not give the kids what they wanted he would do some things (what she never told me, but she was very sad a lot of the time). How can the mother raise her child the right way when from the start the father is manipulating the child to also go against its mother?

Answer 1

I am appalled by the abusive behavior of very many Muslim men towards women especially in Islamic countries. Every true Muslim need to confront the problem with wide open eyes and recognize it for what it really is. It is not the true teachings of the prophet Mohammad.
For those who think that Proud Muslim is talking nonsense, read this link...if you dare.
http://www.state.gov/g/drl/rls/hrrpt/2005/61698.htm

Answer 2

If a Muslim study the Sunnah very well there are many things that some Muslim men don't want to hear. The Scholars said that it is one of the wife’s right to bring a servant to the house and it is not a duty of the wife to clean up the house. It is considered as a duty of the wife to only take care of her husband and her children.
Also the scholars said the husband needs to provide every thing the wife was used to have it before she got married.
Also, the Prophet (PBUH) did not say to Annas (his home servant) to thing he did not do why you did not do it and to thing he did why you did it for more than 10 years (can you imagine that). We can't be just like our beloved prophet but we can approach his level and try our best to be like him.

Answer 3

proud
i really sympathise with you,but that was a bad experience
i hated the placies that you put (it is not her duty) to teach that to my daughter no i would not
but once my wife can not do any of them i am here to help
even more i do not check if she can not so i interfere in order to help
no i do lots of things that work for me now is little so i stay home much
and i help a lot
may be i hate the wash up buisness but some times i do the primary thing that i do not know how to get the machine work
almost evry day i make the 3asseer(juice) for each member of family and these days it is orange juice,i buy the fresh oranges,wash them and do them,i do the buying almost once a week
it was yesterday i did the cooking .it was not cooking.i did for dinner steak with mash potatoe with a tasty nice veg salad
yes there are many cases that a wife say i need help
a survant
but not many can affort that
what you said between prackets is dangerous
to misunderstand that has many future effects
tell you a story
listening are you?
a family i know very well wife has the same manners you ve descriped,they have kids.the kids grew up,university,jobs,engaged ,married,the first ,the second,,,,,the last
the father came to his wife he said
as if we are recently married
it is only you and me
yes she answered
so he said do you think we can live together,is there any thing may be mutual factor to us to go on
no she answered
so he said let it be
either with divorce or without you free to live your life
what do you choose
divorse she said
so of this story
patience has got limits and not every were
yes a woman can say this is not me
i cant do this service
(woman is only for bed)
see then how many will stay married

Answer 4

Let me tell all of you how our muslim husbands here in my country run their families...well I cant say its perfect but the recognition given to wife rights is visible. Ok this to my own experience and have been married for 25 years.

Ok, I was given the task of raising the child of course that goes without saying.
I run the household thats includes holding the purse and it literally holding all bank account and signing of checks.
My husband made decision but I give the final verdict.
He pays for my educations.
He pays for everything in the house including my expenses.
I am allowed to work and infact holding higher position and command higher salary.
When he reached home earlier than me, he will proceed with whatever necessary for the home that evening....
And he eats whatever I cook and without complain (or else he can cook for himself...hehe)
and more.....

I just cant list them all...and now when he is sick it is another story.

I am not domineering but this what we call live our lives together.

Until next episode.

added: This is answering Lawrence remarks. (sorry lawrence)

I do teach my kids how to respect woman and what manhood is. Fight for you belief and fight for your family. Loves your wife and teach the kids. No hand raising (or I will chop off that hand myself). I teach my children how a muslim man is supposed live.

Woman works to and also brought home income if not much help to supplement the housedold expenses. This is year 2007, where expenses in on the rise. Come on be realistic, to expect husband income alone is insufficient. Thus wife, at times do contribute to support the families. So this come to the conclusion that we are tired to and do face what men face at works. So if man did their part in helping out at home, woman I guess happily will contribute expenses for the house. Though my husband support the household entirely (once upon a time). I do contribute some for the comfort of the home and to make up for whatever isn't enuf.

Added: Read my answer properly and we do pay the zakat and thats from my husband pocket of course.

Answer 5

It's not the problem of Muslim men.. It happens with every man in the world.. Well, you're in America and can see that. Although a wife's duty is to build a great Muslim house and raise wonderful Kids, this includes cooking if she didn't have a maid at her family's house...

Actually it's your mistake, Muslim Mothers, tell me who raised her boy on those teachings? Mothers always treats their boy as if the superior and man of the house and don't teach him what "Manhood" is...

Tyrant regimes of countries, Most Muslim countries leads to this.. a man is oppressed at work, street, life.. He feels very bad, very frustrated.. he's submissive during the entire day.. that's why when he goes home he reaches for proving to his inconcious he's a male, superior male and dominates his woman.. In the wealthy democractic countries, you may find the different, everyone who meets a man; a cop, any governmental authority, greets him with "Yes Sir!" so he may let loose and ease up at home.. It's a psychological balance sister. That's why it's rare to find dominant females in such countries and likely to find them at the west...

TS: If Muslim Men and women Pay the regular Zakat; that'll be Billions of Dollars every year, and we can face 2007's raises in expenses without prejudicing family rights.

I don blame only the woman.. but "Cherchez la femme" I balme Women for the most part, fathers are usually not connected to the raising process.. My father died 14 years ago but Mom raised me on the right principles.. how many mothers would do that? Consider the fact that mothers spend much time with kids than fathers.. A ruined father is also a result of a "Mother" that raised him!

Answer 6

I am a Muslim and i prefer womens with scarf (Hijab). and one thing that Islam has said womens to do Hijab and there is a reason behind this. No order Of Allah is without reason. Islam says to womens to use Hijab to gaurd their Modesty. And if you use scarf, You will find more respect and love. and it is obligatory for muslim womens to use scarf.

Answer 7

You know which is the worst kind in my opinion? Those that use Quran and Sunnah to brainwash wives and make them beleive something that was never written in there. I know of a person who was litterally raped by her husband who threatened her with a Hadith saying that angels curse the wife who refuses to share bed with her husband. It is true that we have to answer the call of a husband BUT there are cases when we're excused, like menstruation, illness or simply when a woman is not in the mood. Not being in the mood for it is a reason good enough for me.

May Allah give him what he deserves, not more or less. Ameen.

Answer 8

It doesn't have anything to do with religion, my dear. It's pure cultural thing.

I'm a Muslim man and I share house chores with my wife. It's often me who cooks.

I'd say that people who are less religious or people who follow their religion simply of hereditary reasons (ie. tradition) fit your description more than men who grasp to sunnah.

I don't know what do you mean by denying education but I should remind you that mixed education is not Islamic. If you mean denying education in all girls school it's a different matter. But in Islam the father as the guardian has the right to stop his children from schoolin if he concludes that is more beneficial to them. Where do Qur'an and sunnah say education is mandatory? As far as I know education other than basic religious education are fardh kifaya, not fardh ain. I haven't come across a hadeeth or an ayah that would urge females to join educational institutions. But if you have, please provide. Not that I'm against female education, I find it rather necessary for an Islamic society, so women can deal with women and men can deal with men. We need female doctors and male nurses especially. Lack of educated women will result in unnecessary mixing of men and women.

In Islam there is no such thing as women's right to work. Husband can stop his wife from working. A Muslim woman who wishes pursue a career should make sure the job is halal and that she can preserve her dignity at her workplace.

Forcing women to work is against Islam. Firstly, a husband is not eligible for his wife's money but she may give it to him if she wishes so. Second, it isn't obligation of the wife to sustain the family or even herself.

What bothers me in your question is the part about men who don't fulfill their own obligations:
Why should a pious sister marry someone like that?
In Islam there is no courtship before the marriage but a woman who wishes to marry someone should inquire on her future husband. She can send her brother or another mahram or some sister's husband to do that on her behalf. I recommend sending a married pious person, as married men are more experienced and know how will some characteristics later reflect in a potential marriage.

Many modern Muslim women put their preference on men who are rich and single or people recommended by their families. Many traditional Muslim parents will put prefer on someone from their place who might be a corrupt man to someone pious from another place.

A husband should fulfill his duties and a wife should fulfill her.

Muslims of Southeast Asia are the worst: I've witnessed a case in Malaysia, where the wife works and supports the family and does all the housework, while her husbands stays at home and plays videogames. In Southeast Asia often women are those who support the family, but that kind of practices aren't inaccordance with Islam.

Allah s.w.t. said that believers have best example in Rasulullah s.a.w.s. But I should remind all Muslim women:
don't expect your husband to be like Mohammad if you aren't like Aisha.

Answer 9

i think a lot of the problem with men is not because of islam but its a cultural thing, in many cultures it is seen as the womens job to do everything, ofcourse my culture did have this view but recently its changed for us, its a two sided thing..... so my brothers can do all the work :)

Answer 10

sister i would like to apologize to you on behalf of all the muslim men wo went and put a dent in your faith in muslim men..it is just that i think that men in islam tend to blame women for everything that is wrong nowadays... why is he attracted to the girl next door? be cause she is wrong to be wearing such a short skirt... why is his company doing so bad? because the manager is a woman...and so on..dont get me wrong, as a muslim i do believe that a woman is better at home because of the temptations of the western world nowadays, that whole emancipation thing that puts women on top of men, what they dont understand is that times are changing...and men have to adapt as much as women have to... women should be wearing descent clothes but men shouldnt go after every women... women should take care of their husband, but husbands should provide for their wives..what they and the western world dont get is that the muslim woman is even more cherished than any other one... she is the core to the mans life... may allah guide you