Why are people so Judgmental??

Question

Ive been reeding on here and people are expressing there concerns over having children so early in life. I thought 14- 18 was too young to have a baby, but Im hearing even my age is too young. Im 21 with a two month old daughter that I love very much. I got married at 18 and got pregnnat at 20. I finished high school and took 3 semesters in college. But right now Im a stay at home mommy and that works for us. My husband is 32 and he is a supervisor at the cable company earning a good salary which lets me stay at home with our daughter. we are on no goverment services. So why are people mean saying that a 21 year old cannot be responsible for taking care of a baby. I am young but I dont regret having to give up some things like going to the bars and partying seeing Ive never doen that. What about your mothers and grandmothers. Most of them were married and had several kids by 21. My mom had 4 kids at 21. My greandma got married when she was 15 and they were good mothers.

So why is it so different in todays time?

Im actually from the US. West Virginia!!

Answer 1

I started my family only a year later than you.I hear what you are saying. I too have heard the " Wow you started young" I have been treated by DR.s and teachers Like a baby myself. I am young so there for I must have no clue what I am talking about when It comes to my child. The fact is when our mothers and grandmothers were starting families the thing to do was start young. If you chose to wait or have a career first you were called a spinster. Now waiting until your late 20s and early 30s is the thing to do. I say don't let it get to you. If people don't b*tch about one thing they will about another. Its just how people are. Let me leave you with one last point. When all those "GOOD" mothers who waited until they were older are still raising teenagers while the are in their late 40's and 50's we shall have grown children and and will be young enough to still enjoy the freedom we will have.

Answer 2

I don't really think it matters what age you are to be honest, I think it's how you cope that counts. In 1988 when I was 15, 2 of my friends in school got pregnant, 1 girl had to let her mum raise her baby and the other girl kept her baby and had a wonderful time raising her son. I was 23 when I had my first child and 24 when I had my second child, it was hard work but I was completely aware of how hard it can be with sleepless nights and so on, but it was so rewarding and I loved being a mum. People always assumed I was a very young mum because I looked so young....hahaa. When I was 24 I was asked for ID to buy ciggies for my mum! So I had alot of comments off people too! Gosh your young to have 2 children, I would just reply, no im not I'm 25! I had my 3rd child at the age of 32. This time instead of working part time as I did when I had my two girls, I now stay at home and look after my little boy. But when he was a baby even though I was older and wiser I still suffered from really bad post natel deppression as I did with my first 2 children, so it really does not matter how old you are, if your a good mum...your a good mum. Don't let people get you down, having a baby at 21 is fine! Take care xxx p.s your little girl is beautiful.

Answer 3

Don't sweat it. I've met 16-olds who have it more together than most 30-year-olds. I had my first when I was turning 21. She's 28 now and one of the most incredible young women I've ever met (and one of my best friends). Her younger sister, 25 ... did I actually give birth to these incredible women??? It's not the chronological age, it's something deeper. Some women have an innate sense of nurturing. They just naturally are able to give to their children without complaint of "sacrifice" because it's what's they do best. Kids are just ... little fountains of life-giving stuff that help you to be the best you can be ... regardless of "age" or any of that stuff. Bars? Partying? None of that even comes close to loving a child. Never got it. Never will. Being a mom is the best and oldest profession in the world. Being a loving mom ... nothing can top it. Doesn't matter what age you are. If you've got it ... consider yourself fortunate and run all the way.

Answer 4

I'm with you. How good a mother is should be based on just that, how well she takes care of her children, not her age. I was married at 19 and had my children at 21, 23 and 24. I am actually also a stay at home mother and devote my life to my children and my husband. There are many judgmental people, but just remember that they have no real effect on your life. You will find fulfillment and reward in what you do, so do not let anyone else take away from that. We deserve the same respect we give to others who have chosen to live their lives differently from ours. Also, It's nice to hear from a mother in the same situation as I am. Good for you!

Answer 5

People just seem to think they know everything and everyone but themselves are perfect. My moms friend is 38 and was told she's to young to have children. I'm 18 and pregnant with my first who is due soon and you know what my doctor said? It's proven 16-18 is the best time to have a child, perhaps not emotionally (depending on the maturity of the person) but psyically. In my opinion anyone can be a great mother...age is just a number that is put there for people to judge us by.

Answer 6

i am 22 years old, 7 weeks, and I agree with you completely. I have not told anyone at all yet. My husband and I are the only 2 people on this earth that know I am expecting. I still have not told my parents (who I'm sure will be over the moon with excitement and happiness anyway). But there's still that little part of me afraid of what people will say behind my back; at work etc. I am married and am paying off our home.
It is way too easy to judge. I know I hear people whispering all the time at work about other peoples lives. How about just be happy for them, and just because their life is different to yours, doesn't mean that either have made terrible choices.
We all make choices in life, some bad, some good. Either way, we must live with these choices, and support others in theirs.

Answer 7

You know, I could go on and on about this, but I won't...I had my last child at 42...MY choice and the ridicule that I heard over that was to the point of being obscene. Yes, he was a micro-premie, however, it was NOT because of my age. All of the doctors, and I am talking SPECIALISTS, all told me this. But, everyone is an authority.
So....the point that I am trying to make, turn a deaf ear to the judgements of other people. What should it matter to you? You and your husband are happy. You have a beautiful child that is blessed by the fact that you are able to stay at home and take care of her instead of putting her in day care! You sound like a very responsible and MATURE young woman.

Answer 8

I am from VA and I hear the same thing. I was married at 18 and pregnant very shortly after. I was 19 when he was born and I wouldnt change anything. Hes my life and my husband and I feel lucky to have a wonderful child in our lives. As long as it is right for you! It works for us and thats all that matters. Now people say "when are you going to have another. You know you should have the two or three years apart so you should really get pregnant now." and again i say that now isnt right for us and if we have another child it will be when we want and when it is right for our family Theyre not paying for the child or raising it (although they tend to try sometimes...) or carrying it for 9 months so honestly just ignore them and smile!

Answer 9

Not all people mature at the same rate. Some people that are 21 are more mature than someone that is 31. My mom was 18 and my dad was 23 when they got married and they had my brother 6 days before their first anniversary. They will be having their 47th anniversary next month.

Answer 10

I had a 1 moth old when i was 21 and when i turned 22 i became a single mom and people looked at me like i was some skank that slept with any only because i was a single mom people are stupid this day in age cause i tell you what i have worked my butt of to make sure my son got what he needed with out help from welfare services or his sperm donor i am married to a wonderful man know but i know i can take care of myself if i had to.