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my son has been invited to visit a schoolmates house afterschool. both my husband and i work full-time and would not be able to take him to his friends' house - his babysitter picks him up afterschool. The schoolmates' mom has called me to try to let my son visit, but i do not know her other than just knowing she's the schoolmates mom. isn't 6 years old a little too early to be dropping off kids at unknown friend's houses? and, most importantly, what is the most tactful way to explain this to a 6 year old.

2007-04-20 19:16:25 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting Grade-Schooler

23 answers

I had the same issues. We moved to a new town and my daughter wanted sleepovers and to go to friends houses. She was just 7. I told the parents, "I am over protective and I would need to meet you and have coffe with you and meet your whole family, includign children before I let my daughter come over. That's how protective I am". I try not to make them feel at fault. Or if I don't have a bad feeling and have met the mom at the school... I will drop my daughter off for one or two hours and come back to pick her up. I play it by ear. My daughter loves her sleepovers.. but I need to feel good about it too...

2007-04-20 19:25:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I've been in this situation and I've just explained to my kids that they can't be dropped off at anyone's house until I have a chance to get to know their parents. I make sure that my children understand that I'm sure that the friends parents are great people but that it's just the way things are. They've always understood and haven't had a big problem with this. I'm sure that your son will understand to. If he doesn't ask if he'd be ok with leaving the his pet (if you have one) or a favorite toy with someone he didn't know. It might give him an idea of where you're coming from.

2007-04-20 19:28:22 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 2 · 0 0

I absolutely agree that you need to know the parents better. I also know that it is really difficult to do everything that you need to do because you work. I would call the mom and set up a weekend get together, either at your house or hers, where the two of you could get to know each other while the kids played. Then you can explain to the child that he can go to the friends house after that particular playdate.

2007-04-21 01:41:11 · answer #3 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 0 0

by being truthful. Tell him you dont know the parents. Then maybe, on a weekend, go meet the parents of the other child. That way you can see for yourself the type of people they are. Try asking the other child over to your house while you are home too. As children begin school and form friendships they need to explore their relationships. As a parent I understand your fears. Work with your child. Supervised playtime is good for him.

2007-04-20 19:20:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Yes, I think so. It is very dangerous, and to explain it to him, tell him all the disadvantages of that matter. Tell him things like how you wouln't be able to, and tell him stories of past youngsters that have been killed, and so on. Don't forget to tell him firmly, and you must pick the right time. Like before bed, when others aren't around. Tell him when his in a good mood. Don't yell at him or shout at him ever, and if he has any questions, answer them the best as you can. After you've explained the dangers and the stories, tell him on how he can go to your house on the weekends(if you want to) and that will definitely brighten this situation. After that, say your sorry again and give him something nice to take his mind of it (like a toy, or a prize).

2007-04-20 19:31:54 · answer #5 · answered by Christian 4 lyf 2 · 0 0

well - your son shouldn't NOT be allowed over because you don't know the other parents. It is your job to be involved in his life. go meet the other parent, introduce yourself. They are trying to do a kind natured thing. 6 years is a bit young, but I don't think the other parent is doing anything wrong - just trying to be nice. meet the other parents, and maybe let your son go once a week - and increase from there. as you feel more comfortable, you can let him go more. This could be a sign of dettachment - where it is hard to let go - if he's in your home, you have control.

if you truly have to decline, tell him he has to go home and do homework or chores first. get him involved in sports, so he has something to do after school. good luck.

2007-04-20 19:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by Brandon722 1 · 1 0

Be completely honest, tell him that you don't know this kid's parents. If you want your son to be able to do things like that try to spend more time getting to know his friends parents. Even if you call her up one day and talk like friends, tell her that you don't let your kid go places where you don't know the people and if she really wants your son to be able to visit her house, you two have to get to know each other better. I think 6 is too early, I don't let my kids 8 and 7 go to anyone's house that I don't know personally. They know it, accept it, and don't even try it anymore. When you work and have kids there is no room for beating around the bush and not being blunt and to the point. Get used to it.

BTW, I recommend establishing more of a friendship with this kids parents than what you would get from one or two phone calls or a play date at the park, whose to say this Mom isn't looking for a kid to occupy her kid so that she can hang out hitting the crack pipe or something. It would take me months of befriending someone to trust them with my kids. I would become friend enough with her to show up unexpectedly at her door and see what is really going on at her house before I dropped my kid off there. Flat out, if you want your child to be4 able to be sociable, you have to be equally as sociable.

2007-04-20 19:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by t2ensie 3 · 0 0

Tell your son that you need to meet his friend and the friend's parents first. Then you need to make arrangements to actually do that, whether on a weekend or day off ,and probably by extending an invitation to meet at your home. It would be a shame to miss out on a good friend not only for your son, but maybe for you too.

2007-04-20 19:22:02 · answer #8 · answered by MJ 3 · 2 0

I agree that it's too young to leave at someone's house when you don't know the parents. Why don't you try to get to know the mom? you could call her and even tell her that you'd love for them to be able to play but that you'd be a little bit more comfortable if you knew eachother. You could even play it off and joke about being overprotective. I think most moms would understand this. You might just need to talk to her on the phone to ease your mind.

2007-04-20 19:21:01 · answer #9 · answered by gumby 7 · 1 0

I would tell him exactly what you just said to us. 6 yr olds SHOULD know about strangers. You can tell him that because you have not met this child's parents, they are strangers, and he cannot go to his house until you have met them and gotten to know them a little bit. Maybe suggest that you can get together at the park on the weekend so that you can get to know the other child's parents. Then if you feel comfortable, maybe this other family could take your son home from school one day until you get home from work...If you are not comfortable, I would stick to visits at the park or someplace fun on the weekends where you can supervise.

2007-04-20 23:48:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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