It is fair to say I am not being an ogre or any other kind of monster, but my romantic history is very rocky. Nothing has ever worked out short-term or otherwise. I could have had one-night stands, but something always went wrong.
I am starting to think it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I expect something to go wrong and therefore it does. My last "relationship" apparently ended because even though I wanted sex very badly I was unable to allow it to happen. It has nothing to do with morality. It is more like an inhibition.
I have no trouble talking to women. My problem seems to lie in the follow through. Why can't I let myself go?
2007-04-20 17:12:55 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The damaging relationships have obviously damaged your confidence in yourself. You need to stop trying to get in a relationship so bad. Take some time off, learn about yourself. Stop pushing yourself so hard. When you're ready to try again, you'll know and it will feel right.
2007-04-20 17:16:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
God, have I dated you? I dated a guy in his thirties that was incapable of being emotionally intimate with someone. I am assuming that this stemmed from a bad relationship back in his early twenties, and he almost became this way by default to prevent himself from becoming close to someone and getting hurt again. After almost a year of dating, it was very obvious that he was in love with me, but would deny it. He stated that there was no such thing as love. That resulted in the end of the relationship, and I am sure that just reinforced his behavior. He had issues with physical intimacy as well, and it seemed as if it took full concentration to allow things to take place. He also had no friends (big sign!). Many of us have relationship issues, and it may take a person (professional) from the outside to determine patterns and behaviors that sabotage your relationships. Relationships never work out for me and I found that it was because I was going for men who have emotional intimacy problems. They all wanted me when I pulled away and pushed me away when I was too close. Actually, they all were exactly alike! I was told that a emotionally healthy person would seem boring to me, so that is why I fell for the bad boys. They created drama, which created excitement. Do all of your past relationships have something in common, also? Are you interested in only people who cannot completely let themselves go in a relationship or create drama? It will take some work and self-reflection, but it will be possible for you to have a fulfilling relationship with someone. Just promise me that you will give us nice ones a chance!
2007-04-20 17:46:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your past history can definitely affect your future and present intimate relationships. If you have insecurities you can't seem to let go of, it really makes it hard to move on and feel comfortable with yourself and your body in front of others. Also, I know from experience that if you were having intimate relationships with someone in the past that you felt very comfortable with and they ended it, it's very hard to get over the visions of the two of you together and make yourself feel for someone else the personal affectionate feelings you once had for that previous person. I think time heals everything, and it helps to not think of how things were when you were with that person. If that's not the case and you're just feeling uncomfortable with yourself, maybe you're either not ready to get imtimate or you need to relax and realize you're a normal human being and anything you have that you're insecure about is also normal, otherwise you wouldn't have it. I hope that helps you at least somewhat.
xty
2007-04-20 17:22:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a pretty good short game, huh?
All I can tell you is there is no certain way to be in relationships or otherwise. If being who and what you are is satisfying to you and not hurting anyone else, I say ROCK IT, BIG BOY.
But you do need to know that no matter who you are, when you get into a serious relationship you start to change and evolve into a person that even you didn't know existed. We all do. That's how we learn to 'be' w/ someone.
Do you feel cliche? Afraid of commitment?
2007-04-28 05:28:50 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! Yes. A person's past can be so bad, it makes the next or new relationship paralyzing. It's like they see themselves moving on, and into a HEALTHIER situation. However, once you (or any man) been burned, it's hard to believe anything that anyone says to you or that he or she is genuinely interested in you. The self-fulfilling prophecy is very prevalent in women. Nothing heals us but time.
2007-04-20 17:22:39 · answer #5 · answered by iluvchandler_bing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what happened in your past. It's hard to determine what is going on for you when we don't know this. Adult relationships are complex and sex is even more so. It took me many years to finally have a fulfilling relationship, but it wasn't a physical block, it was an emotional one, I could have sex with whoever, and have no repercussions, but as soon as things got serious, I would deliberately jeopardise the relationship in order to stop myself getting hurt. It all goes back to my childhood and everyone I ever loved leaving me eventually. I finally met a man who loved me truly and would not let me push him away. You need to look inside yourself and see what historical issues are affecting your life today and put them in their appropriate place.
2007-04-20 17:20:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were hurt very deeply by someone than that is the greatest reason I can think of for the current issue you have at hand. I had a similar issue but it was not sex it was the ability to climax and for years was a huge issue for me to the point that I did not have sex for many years...and now I feel like I have to psych myself out for it to happen...call me crazy but sometimes these things can not be explained
2007-04-28 13:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are getting what you tell yourself. Kinda like those books on power of the mind.. how you get what your self talk says (even the self talk you are not aware of)... bagage can be good and bad. For example.. you may have problems following through because of your past... BUT that same past makes you extrememely loyal when you do commit.... if you see a negative part of 'bagage' then look and focus on what you do right, that you learned from your past
2007-04-20 17:18:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you're a guy so you're probably just hurt from something that happened in the past.. Something that men do, is internalize their pain.. It's not healthy.. It can keep you from loving someone and 'lovin' someone. Just come to terms with your problems from the past, and you should be ok. Good luck
2007-04-20 17:26:38 · answer #9 · answered by precious_angel321 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like you have no trust in yourself. And maybe you rush into a relationship to fast with woman or you just don't communicate with them well. Starting out as friends first is really a great idea then you'll know if there really is more then instant gratifications. or just infatuation. Which always ins in hurt feelings or unfaithfulness which cause untruthfulness's to happen.
2007-04-27 20:56:21 · answer #10 · answered by gladys b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋