I was just told by one of my bridesmaids that she got accepted to do a semester abroad for school. Catch is she's got to leave 3 weeks before my wedding. She never told me that she was going for this, let alone that it would conflict with her being a bridesmaid.
So since she'll be gone i have to find a replacement and the wedding is less than 4 mts. away.
My problem is how do I ask someone to replace her? I'm afraid that my friend will think that she wasn't important enough to make my "first cut" for bridesmaid, but she's a backup and that i didn't want her there.
Not to mention it's a lot of extra money to ask her to pay. I already decided that i'd pay for her dress, bc it's $200, but she'd still need shoes and hair and make-up, on top of getting to my wedding which is out of town and would require a hotel as well.
So any advise on how to ask and not make her feel like a backup, second choice? Or what i should do here?
2007-04-20 17:07:23 · 7 answers · asked by Dawnwalker 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
People are more wise than you think. Obviously she wasn't "good" enough to make your "first" cut. And obviously she was "okay" with that or she would have let you know that her feelings were hurt she wasn't included.
Just tell her that although you are sad your friend can't make it, you are happy that it gives you the chance to include her. (you could tell her that you were limted to x number because of ..., but usually Less is More.) And offer to help her out as much as you can.
She'll either want to/can do it or not. Most people should understand that you have to draw the line somewhere or you'd have 200 bridesmaids. If she wasn't offended that you didn't ask her at all, then she ought not to be offended that you are asking her now.
Good Luck
PS - is there anyone she could stay with to save on hotel?
2007-04-20 17:16:09 · answer #1 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If she was going to be a guest at the wedding, then she'd only have the added cost of the shoes, hair and makeup. She's probably already got a hotel and if she hasn't done or had any of this, then explain the situation to her. Tell her that you would love for her to be a bridesmaid. Some girls are happy to hear that from their friends. Good Luck!
2007-04-20 17:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My MAID OF HONOR did this to me 7 months before our wedding, so I know just how you feel. But I asked one of my best friends to step up in her place. What I said is if she would do ME the honor of being in my wedding, that I would appreciate it so much. Don't even go into words like "replacement" or "backup"...Don't even tell the story surrounding the situation. Just say you'd love to have her in the wedding, and give her the details. Simple, to the point. And paying for the dress is a nice touch. Just make sure that it doesn't conflict with your other girls. Good luck, and don't worry, it will turn out wonderful. I know mine did.
2007-04-20 17:23:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why in the world do you need a replacement?!
Is it because you think the sides need to be even? That's such baloney. Your marriage won't fail if you have more groomsmen than bridesmaids ... just have one girl escorted by two men. It happens all the time and looks fine.
If you asked me to step in as a bridesmaid just because someone else dropped out, I'd tell you to take a long walk off a short pier. That's horribly insulting to someone.
2007-04-20 20:04:33 · answer #4 · answered by BeatriceBatten 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Basically, whoever you ask is a back up. But there's no reason you should feel bad about that. If your friend decides to be upset about it, there's not much you can do about it.
I think your best bet is to make sure your friend understands she is important to you, after all you are asking her to be in the wedding party. Explain up front that one of the other girls had a conflict and had to back out, but could she please, please join the wedding party.
When my wife and I got married we had one girl back out last minute too and had to scramble to find a replacement. But at least your friend has a good reason. In our case the girl in question slept with someone that would be at the wedding and her husband wouldn't let her attend.
2007-04-20 17:18:36 · answer #5 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask a relative to step in. They will always be in your life, and won't be insulted. Good luck. Congrats
2007-04-20 17:46:05 · answer #6 · answered by Proud Mama of 4 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, just don't replace her. Saves a lot of nervs and money!
2007-04-20 17:16:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋