Single and pregnant... torn, scared, worried and confused?

Question

i am 9 weeks pregnant and the dad does not want to be involved, and even if he changes his mind he lives a party lifestyle and drinks a lot and does a lot of drugs (he is my ex and since we broke up this is what he has come to, we ended up possibly getting back together recently and working things out but then i realized he would not leave that life behind so i decided it was best for me to not be with him). 2 weeks later i found out i was pregnant, i am keeping the baby aware that i will be it's only parent but i am soooo scared that the child not having a father figure around will affect its life, not to mention the fact that i will not have anyone to help me financially and physically. What is your opinion on bringing up a child without a father in its life? And will it be hard to find a good man after i have the baby that would be willing to take on the role of daddy? i am sooooo stressed out and i know that it is not good for the baby.

please keep in mind i am 28 years old, have a decent job, support from my family and friends, and a home. Adoption is not an option for me. I have wanted nothing more in my whole life than to be a mom, and even though this situation sucks i know i can do it. There is NO WAY i can go through the pregnancy and then give the baby away. My parents are dyeing to be grandparents and will help me take care of it. I just want to know your thoughts on not having the father around and how hard it will be when the kid asks where/who its father is. I always hear stories like "oh her daddy wasnt around and now shes a stripper on crack" and "his mom raised him how will he ever know how to be a man" and i dont take them to heart but they make me wonder if a child without a fatehr will end up messed up no matter how great of a job i do raising it on my own.

Answer 1

It's hard to be a single parent, my first son's father wasn't involved but I had lots of family and friends to help.
I have never encountered any men who ran in the other direction just because I had a baby. A Good man will take you as you are or they aren't by definition a good man.
But if you really feel that you just can't do this right now or you truly feel that adoption is better then do it. There is nothing wrong with giving your baby a good home to loving people who can't have their own.

Answer 2

I've been in your position before, the first thing you should do is focus on the baby. Sometimes one really good parent is 100 times better than two half *** parents. I just went on about my business and made sure that me and my baby was healthy. That's about all you can do and maybe the ex wasn't the right man for you but you never know, Mr. right might just show up and then you'll have an excellent father figure for your baby. Just remember that a father doesn't necessarily have to conceive the child to be its father, just nurture it. I think you'll be OK, don't sweat it and keep your head up. There are plenty of successful young single mothers that have successful children. The lost will never be yours, it'll be his because he'll miss that 1st day of school, that 1st step and every other first there ever will be. You'll be OK.

Answer 3

Can it be done? Yes. Is it easy? No. Will not having a father be a negative influance on your child? Unequivically yes. [Sorry.] Children need men in their lives-they need examples of what it is that men are supposed to be. The good news is that since you said your parents would be very involved, I'm sure your dad will be a good male influence on your child's life. The bad news is that even the greatest grandpa in the world cannot make up for not having a father-it can help immensely, but it cannot make it "all better". You need to decide within yourself what you are going to do (allow him to see your child if he cleans up, never allow him to see the baby, somewhere in between) and then you need to be ready to answer for it and justify it when your child is a teenager, because that is when it is going to start really effecting them.

It's not going to be an easy road, and your child will be affected negatively no matter what, but there are good men out there who will love your baby like s/he's his own and just not knowing your biological father is not enough to screw anyone up forever.

Answer 4

First of all, I don't understand at all, any man who wants no part of his child's life. My brother abandoned two of his children. I will never understand that.

I'm sorry your man is not there for you and the baby! First I think the best thing you can do is stop worrying. The less stress you have--the better for the baby! Alls you can do is take everyday as it comes and deal with it. When you need help with things, ask. I'm sure there are people in your life that will bend over backward to help you. There are groups and resources out there for just about anything too. You are not alone. You are not the first woman to be in this unfortunately common situation. Hopefully there is advise from young women here who have been where you are at! Hang in there!! I'm rootin' for you. You are going to have a baby! In all this stress, I hope you are able to find the joy in it that supposed to go with motherhood! God bless you!!

Answer 5

I was a single mother due to the death of my husband. It's not easy but it is possible to bring up a baby without a father or a mother for that matter. There are all kinds of families. Single parents, grandparents raising grand kids, step-parents, traditional, all kinds. You will find once you lay eyes on that child you will be amazed at the inner strength that you will find. A mothers love for her child will drive her to do things she never thought she would be able to do. You will be OK.Hang in there. Try to enlist all the family help you can.they will be a lifesaver. Also take advantage of things like big brothers big sisters, they can help fill the void if you later feel your child has one. Good luck.

Answer 6

I believe with a positive attitude ,an understanding of how children think and knowledge on what a child needs to reach its full potential. As you only know what you see and hear so it is ever so important to think about who an what your child is subjected to.As your responsibility as a mum you will find it s now time to relax and stop stressing its not good for the baby. so please chill Ive had 5 an found a Carma pregnancy will create a content happy baby go forwards calmly in peace with yourself it hard to do at first but you must keep trying . slow down relax enjoy this gift as every child is unique an have character all so differ en and i have 5 good luck and enjoy each day time moves to fast . Regards Bronwyn

Answer 7

Ok... take a deep breath....
you have two options.....
1. Raise the baby yourself
2. Give the baby up for adoption

There are pro's and con's to each decision.
Raising the baby on your own will be hard. But there are ways to get by

Giving the baby up will be hard, but you know that she/he will be raised in a family that is better able to provide

If you do decide to raise this baby on your own I seriously think that you should consider not dating or marrying until your baby is 18 years old. I know this sounds harsh... but nobody will love your baby the way you do. And if you start dating or get married you will have another child with your new honey... then where will that leave this child.

you do get brownie points for not having an abortion... good job there... but please be sure to not bring another child into this already mixed up situation!!

Answer 8

First it is commendable that you realize what is best for the baby and make your decisions based on this, you will be a good mother.
Second although it seems like a large burden to carry it will come naturally, we are conditioned to know what to do and what is good for the baby.
Along with educating yourself on how to care for an infant.
Just make sure your willing to put its needs abouve your own, but you will recieve a hundred times more than you give.
I raised my son alone, his mother persued a singing career and up and left.
We managed to do well, but would change a couple of things.
First is have things structured for a little child they thrive with it.
Need to have a set schedule and get them to bed early, as this helps with school.
Last is say no more often, it is better to hear no than give them the world, it really puts them at a disatvantage when they get older.
Best wishes to you and stay strong.

Answer 9

It will not be easy, but just don't make the mistake of going back to him. You will be wasting your time. It is possible to find a man that will love you and your baby. I have been in your situation and you just have to do the best that you can do. Make sure when you choose your next boyfriend that you are thinking about the fact that you have a baby to take care of also and that you choose someone that lives the kind of lifestyle that you live. Be picky and make good decisions. It will all work out, I promise!! I have been there and done that. My husband loves my 2 children as if they were his own. Good luck!

Answer 10

I am a single mom. My daughter is seven and he left when I was 2 months pregnant. I don't get child support. I use protection and yet it happened again. I am now pregnant with number 2 and will get no child support again. So if you want to talk or ask questions just email me. It can be done and be done without being a victim. I love being a single mom... it is all in the attitude, but when you are pregnant it is hard because of hormones and the anticipation of what you are going to do. But when you are doing it, it is fun if you are positive. I have alot of theroys on daddies, kids and mommies... from experience. Feel free to email me with any questions and I can tell you my experiences in that area.