With all the stress that a wedding brings, and all the problems between my mom & I, my mom & my future mother-in-law, and everything else everyone is saying to put their 2 sense into the wedding plans it has caused chaos between me and my future hubby. Generally I never feel like we are on the same team about everything. We fight because I am stressed and I make him stressed. I go to him to talk and to vent and it really seems as though he doesn't care. I am just a frustrated Bride that feels like her wedding is about everyone else and I feel like my groom just wants nothing to do with me or the wedding. Please tell me I am not alone on this, what can I do? Serious answers need only apply.
2007-04-20 13:22:10 · 16 answers · asked by Tiffany 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You need to do what you want. When people give their advice, just say thank you, and tell them that you will think about it. You don't have to do what everyone tells you to. This is YOUR wedding day. Weddings are always stressful to plan, not exactly the way you want to start your new life together, but thats sort of the way it is. Guys just deal with stress differently, its not that he doesn't want anything to do with you, he is just upset because you are upset, besides, guys don't necessarily understand all the fuss anyway. Just remember this day is about the two of you, and you should do what makes you happy. I hope you have a beautiful wedding day.
2007-04-20 16:01:29 · answer #1 · answered by berningme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are definitely not alone. I feel like my fiance could care less about the wedding plans. As a matter of fact he has said on numerous occasions "just tell me when and where and I'll be there". Basically saying I can do all the planning and he'll just show up. But before I get myself very frustrated, I remember that the wedding is more so for the bride then the groom. And we put a lot more effort into then the groom does. If it was up to them they'd do a court house ceremony and call it a day. So try not to take it personally that he has very little input on the wedding plans!
And also remember THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY! YOUR BIG DAY!!!! Everybody else's input and 2 cents don't matter!! So don't let them influence you and pressure you into doing things you don't want to. Let them know that they are being way too pushy and you need them to back off. I had to tell my mother, step-mother, and sisters that. They still help a little bit but they offer suggestions instead of making orders.
Good Luck!
2007-04-20 15:03:53 · answer #2 · answered by Justyn's Mommy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all take a deep breath, let it out, do it again. Feel a little better? Second, of course you aren't alone.
I always wondered how brides became bridezillas.......now that I'm a bride myself I'm amazed there are not more of them!! It's like EVERYONE has an opinion, and you feel the need to pacify everyone else, while at the same time you are trying to create the wedding you've dreamed about since you were a little girl. Prince charming not playing the part? It's pretty normal for the groom to sit back and not have an opinion in general on the wedding, especially since anything he says is going to be wrong. Guys don't mean to be insenstive about weddings, but they really don't care about all the little details.
Perhaps you could delegate some of your tasks to your maid of honor, also use her as a buffer, a point man to keep the family members opinions filtered.
Good luck.
2007-04-20 18:41:14 · answer #3 · answered by Kati B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find a girlfriend you can talk to who is impartial or join a group of brides to be who understand (online). You need a place to vent and unfortunately, trying with your fiance isnt helping.
You have to remember that while all of their good intentions may be nice, it is not needed for stress. You need to be stress free right now. If all of the female "counterparts" that are giving you input on your wedding have specific tasks that need to be done, they should be leaving you alone. After all, it is YOUR wedding. You wouldnt be stepping on toes to say something to the effect of : Mom, thank you so much for your help with everything. I was wondering would you please handle ___, just so that would be one less thing i have to worry about and only one thing you have to think about." Do the same for the others. If they say they want something else, tell them you have everything else covered and it would mean the world if they would handle that part. Then let them duke it out amongst themselves.
truth is though about men, most really only want to know what day it is, what to wear and what time to be there. Planning a wedding is usually left up to the woman. I wouldnt stress too much if he doesnt assist in the planning phase of it. I gave my fiance the sole duty of finding the entertainment- that was all. I dont bother him about anything else, and lean on my MOH when i need help with the planning.
Good luck honey- and trust me, it will get better once you put your foot down.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/yourweddingonabudget/join
2007-04-20 15:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is not going to last forever!! Trust me. Members of our immediate family who were supposed to be part of the final organizing and wedding party DISAPPEARED until the day before. I mean that. They couldn't be found, then just surfaced as if it was no big deal! And the months immediately before & after the wedding were exactly what you're describing. Now we're a couple years past that, and life is much better! It does pass, eventually. Nevertheless, I would suggest just gently, politely, but firmly putting your foot down. It's your wedding, and the only person who should have input besides you is your hubby. If he doesn't care (and tells you as much), then it's all yours baby! Tell people what you need them to do, don't ask for their opinions. And when they offer them, which they will, just say "okay, well I'll give it some thought" or "I've considered that, but this is how I've decided to do this." It's your day. Not your mom's and certainly not your MIL's!
2007-04-20 14:07:11 · answer #5 · answered by mamaDee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop and take a breath ................ Plan your ceremony first as this is where you both are taking your marital vows as husband and wife. Fine tune every aspect of your words to one another and hear those words deep into your hearts.
The wedding reception is a big party to celebrate your wedding vows to one another. The reception is not first priority but second priority.
Guys don't plan the wedding party. You and your mother work through the plans. All you do is work with your future hubby on the type of tux he is to wear along with his ushers and best man. The best man should be in charge of the guys to make sure they have all they need for the day of the wedding.
Your mother-in-law should be handling the rehersal dinner and that is her position. Oh and she gets to invite her family and friends WITHIN your budget.
Get your flowers, the DJ, the food, photographer and just pull it together. You are not the only bride that has gone through all this. But remember, its the "wedding vows" and that moment that ONLY matters.
2007-04-20 14:14:15 · answer #6 · answered by Patty G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think we all feel this way really...
People get excited when they hear 'wedding' and ideas pop into their heads and it just HAS to be done that way. It's your wedding. Block them out unless you like what they hear.
As for your hubby-to-be... Ah.. he's a man. Try venting to your mom or your best friend instead to give him a break. He's probably just as stressed as you are [though in my opinion, he has no reason to be since you seem to be taking on all the stress by yourself]. Tell him that you're a frustrated bride and you want him to help you out instead of everybody else helping you out. If you've got a lot of planning left to do, throw some things his way and tell him to get it done.
Good luck!
2007-04-20 14:08:39 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait until your future hubby is in a really good mood and bring up how you want to know what would make this day special for him. What does he want to do that is part of the wedding. Tell him you don't want to take over everything if there are things that he wants at his wedding. Make him know you understnad it is both of your special day. Also if your mom or future mother-in-law are not paying for this ....screw what they think to be honest.....it is your and your fiancee's special day no1 elses. You may let them make few simple decisions so they feel a part of it but don't let them take over. My friend is planning her wedding right now and she is kinda going through the same thing with the moms ad grandmas and aunts.....and she is nice and listens and then makes her own deicisions and says I want it this way and so does my fiancee. Make your wedding day rememorable but not start a war :)!
2007-04-20 15:04:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, honestly you'll always be more stressful than the groom because, as women, we always want our wedding to be perfect. Just don't stess. You probably don't think he cares because he doesn't stress on much things as you do. Guys are more laid back than female when it comes to wedding. My fiance does the same thing. Most females encounter the same thing you're going through right now, i'm one of them.
To him, it doesn't matter how the wedding is. As long as he married you that's all that matter to him.
Just don't stress out too much
2007-04-20 13:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you and your guy are paying for the wedding yourselves, the two of you need to be on the same page - you need to discuss things together and make decisions about the big stuff. Usually guys aren't too interested in the details, so don't get offended by that - it's just not their thing. Remember that the wedding day is just one day, and it's for the couple and the family and friends to celebrate something wonderful - so keep your eye on the real prize - the marriage.
2007-04-20 23:15:46 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋