I'll tell you a joke, will you tell me one?

Question

Two wild and wreckless motorcycle gang members, rode together to do their worst on the world. When one was shot by police, he passed on his dying wish to his gang brother. So the brother went off to prepare his companion's funeral, and went to find a priest. "Father, when you say the eulogy, say my brother was a Saint, or else I'll be back after the funeral". The priest agreed. During the eulogy the priest said, "This man here, who has died, why compared to his brother, he was a SAINT!"

Answer 1

if a light sleeper sleeps with a light on, what does a hard sleeper sleep with?

Answer 2

A man met a beautiful girl, and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. So, they spent the night together. In the morning before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for Apartment". On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note:

"Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat; and
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home. Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the following reply:

"Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord."

Answer 3

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Answer 4

Lol nice thats awome ok heres one its no that good but.....
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 5

Lol good one

A husband, wife, and their 8 kids are waiting at a bus stop. A blind man with a walking stick goes and waits with them. The bus comes and has room for 9 people so the wife and 8 kids get on. The husband and old man are walking together to get where they need to go and it is silent except for the tap tap tap of the old man's walking stick. The husband says, "Cant you put some rubber on your stick so it isnt so loud?!" The old man replies, "If you put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick we wouldnt be in this problem!"

Answer 6

An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on=
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump
off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna
a sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage
, and jumped to his death.The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death
as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known
how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given
it to him again."The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

this is my favorite dumb blonde joke enjoy
-carly

Answer 7

lol......ok there were three guys who just died and when god showed up he wanted to know they all died befor letting them in
1st guy
well i had been having this feeling like my wife was cheeting on me so i decided to come home early from work....when i gto home i heard the shower running so i started looking around then i saw him hanging of the balcany so i went over and started stomping on his hands but he ddint fall so iwent and grabed a hammer and pounded on his hands then he fell but he landed in a buch and didnt die so i pushed the fridge on him....then i felt sorry and shot my self....
2nd guy
well i just moved into my new appartment and while looking ant the great view i fell two storys down and grab the balcany so i was sceaming then i saw this guy come over and he stated stomping in my hands then he left then he came back with a hammer and pounded my hands and i fell into a bush a while laying there i see this big white thing coming after me
3rd guy
i was hiding in a fridge .....theres you joke.....hope you like it

Answer 8

Funny-funny! OK, here`s my fave: Two cannibals are walking down the street. One cannibal sais to the other, "Who was that lady I saw you with walking down the street?" the other cannibal sais, " That was no lady, that was my Lunch." Boom-Chink -S

Answer 9

Haha!


A man was walking down a street when someone shouted "Excuse me!" at him. He looked around and finally realized that it was a man in a hot air balloon.

"Excuse me sir," said the man in the hot air ballon again. "Can you tell me where I am?"

The man on the street thought about it for a moment, then said, "You're in a hot air balloon."

"Ah," replied the man in the balloon. "And you must be an engineer."

"Yes," answered the other man. "How did you know?"

"Because you gave me an answer that was technically correct and yet completely useless."

The man on the ground agreed, then said, "And you must be in management."

Surprised, the man in the balloon said, "Yes, I am. How did you know?"

The engineer replied, "Because I gave you the answer but it still wasn't enough for you."

Answer 10

this may not be the kind of joke you are looking for and you may have already heard it but okay here it goes:

what do condoms and coffins have in common?
they both have stiff ones except ones coming and ones going.

wanna hear another ?

Answer 11

good joke. i got one:
Superman was flying over a nude beach when he noticed Wonder Woman sunbathing.
Being faster than a speeding bullet he decides that he can screw her quick
without her knowing. So he swoops down does his business. Wonder Woman jumps up
and says "what the hell was that?", the Invisableman replies "I don't know but
my @$$ sure hurts."