For atheists only, please?

Question

I'm an atheist (lifelong) with a Christian mother and Catholic father.

To be truthful, I'm ashamed of having my parents actually be in a theistic religion. To have them have been sucked into a delusion by my grandparents and them further back to when all this mess first started.

My parents are very intelligent and yet they foolishly hold on to their imaginary friend with their "faith" and believe that people honestly still live AFTER death for E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y (which is a horrendously, frightening thought).

I don't know how I can go through the rest of my life having Christian parents. I bet that when I have children of my own my mother, particularly, will try to force me to celebrate Christmas (and the other holidays) with them. May bring them to church even - may think me an incompetent mother. If anything, also that we're immoral people. I'm quite sure this will happen, and am not sure how I'll respond. I can't just become the "black sheep" of the family and block them off.

*I* wouldn't stop my children from going to church and/or becoming theists. But I wouldn't want them to be influenced into it (from my mother, etc.).

I do celebrate Christmas (and might will as an adult). But aren't I a bit of a hypocrite doing so?

Angry? At THEM? No... at Christianity - at theism. I pity my parents.

Answer 1

I've never had that problem i'm happy to say, i'm sure you can deal with whatever arises but you must be firm with her, good luck

Answer 2

You sound VERY angry. Have their beliefs actually injured you somehow? I could understand that, but if you are simply angry at their delusions, you will have a hard time dealing with anyone who doesn't think exactly as you do.

Everyone has a guiding myth, a psycho-social background that helps them sort out their experience and make a reasonable number of decisions every day. Your parents' just happen to include some supernatural elements. Unless it turns them into axe-wielding cannibals or neo-cons, well, life seems to involve tolerating a reasonable amount of foolishness.

If they're comfortable, you can respectfully debate religion with them. If not, you and they may decide to agree to avoid that subject. And if they insist, you will have to decide how much you can tolerate and still have a relationship with them.

You should let your children know something about the varieties of theism, just because it will come up sometime. While they are growing up, their dependence makes them look to a variety of authorities (including you) to guide their lives and show them how to navigate pitfalls. So the more they know about how other people might think, the better they can handle surprises. Ignorance makes a poor defense.

Undeluded or not, people have to learn how to get along. Life is always a compromise.

Answer 3

First of all, there is room for all of us, and let's just hope we are around long enough to enjoy seeing religious types realize the error of their ways. Then we can be in the position to say "I told you so" but have the class not to actually say it. They will be humiliated enough. As for Christmas celebration, you can compromise and celebrate the meaning of Christmas (love and giving--which we should do every day of the year, not just on Dec. 25th) w/o celebrating the reason for the celebration (the birth of Christ) who was just another guy who died 2000 years ago. Don't be afraid to be the black sheep of the family. I understand the black wool from that sheep is more valuable than the white. A lot of intelligent people are religious because they are weakminded and weakwilled. Thus your parents should be tolerated and pitied. One would think that people who go to church would see the correlation between the pastor (which means shepherd) and the congregation (commonly referred to as the flock) and realize that the shepherd tends the flock for eventual shearing ( the collection plate), and slaughter( turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, surrender your worldly belongings to the church). No shepherd tends the flock due to his love of the great outdoors. Religion is all fear and mind control. Continue to try to teach your parents the error of their ways, for they know not what they do.

Answer 4

I've been there. It sounds like you have a lot of different issues to deal with here.

One is just getting over the idea that they're theists. My parents are too. They blindly support George Bush and think the world came into existance in 6 literal days. I had a long struggle with that, but for me it came down to "If I want them to accept me just the way I am, it would be very hypocritical if I didn't accept them just the way they are as well."

As far as holidays - nobody can "make" you celebrate Christmas one way or another. If you don't want to go to church with them, be firm and stay home. Tell them you love them, but this isn't about them. It's not TO them. It's something you are doing for you. Then stay home and bake a treat for them.

As far as kids - sure your parents will think you're incompetent. If it weren't about religion, it would be about how short your daughters skirts are or when you get her a cell phone. That's just what parents do. Try not to take it personally. If it's like my family, they might be able to "THINK" you're immoral, but the proof is in the pudding. My atheist children are models of morality. Now that they're older and if you put them against their "fundy home-schooled" cousins, you can't remotely call them "immoral". I'm sure the same will be true for you.

Answer 5

Here is the deal. I've always been an atheist - but I have studied Christianity extensively. They are so scared. The reason they turned to religion (besides their parents telling them and their parents telling them and so on) is fear. they can't handle the thought of there being nothing else. It's extremely hard for the human mind to grasp that when you die - poof - everything you had, dreamed, hoped, etc. was gone. BUT - I would take the poof in a heartbeat rather than live with the God (and jesus - frickin hippie) that the Christians worship. Also if I'm wrong and there is a heaven - that means there is a hell - and I choose the lake of fire. I just don't like the god in the bible. He is a misogynistic ******** and he gets none of my praise and adoration. But - as all of the rational free thinking people know - we're all getting the poof!

Answer 6

Eh, I think your parents deserve a bit more credit than you're giving them, many inteligent people over the centuries have held beliefs in God, it isn't that horrible a thing, and really it doesn't have to come up in conversation unless one of you forces the issue... I'd recommend ignoring it, even if they DO try to force the issue. As for Christmas and other Christian holidays... Why not? Christmas is about a make-believe fat man jumping down chimneys and giving out free stuff, and Easter is about a rabbit that likes to hide eggs/candy/baskets full of plastic eggs full of candy... Both of these are just harmless fantasies, which your children will come to realize are just that, and which could serve to further illustrate fallacies admitted by certain other groups.

Answer 7

I can understand. My family is all Southern Baptist. Imagine how I feel around that! My father still isn't even speaking to me because I *came out* about my non-belief a couple of months ago. I do however celebrate the winter holidays. I love the tree, the lights, the gifts (I LOVE to give gifts!), all the edible goodies around that time of year. I celebrate all the secular parts of that holiday...NOT the religious. If you have kids you must put your foot down to your parents about how they should be raised. But if it were me, I would probably not have a problem with my kids at least being exposed to religion. At the same time I would make sure my kids were aware of my beliefs in relation to their grandparents and let my kids make up their own minds.

Answer 8

When you have children of your own, you parents will try and contradict you on EVERYTHING. Bedtimes, play, what they eat, everything. All parents want to consider themselves 'right' in what they did in raising their children, simply because the only other option is 'wrong.' You have to do what you have to do, and when your future children grow up, they may choose to become theists. Until they make the decision for themselves, you are still in charge of them, hopefully-in time- your parents will come to an understanding that atheism is not the same as immorality.

Answer 9

My mom was a christian and I was never ashamed of her for her beliefs. She's free to believe what she wants, just as I'm free to believe what I want. She would never force her beliefs on my children, but if they wanted to go to church, that's fine too. I'm actually married to a catholic, and I'm not ashamed of that either. And if our kids want to go to church with him, that's fine too. I'm not going to tell them they have to have the same beliefs (or lack thereof) as me.

**Your parents will try and influence ALOT of the way you raise your kids. You just have to put your feet down early and let them know that they're your kids and you will raise them your way.

And there's nothing wrong with celebrating christmas. If it makes you feel better it wasn't even a christian holiday, but a pagan one...and what's wrong with Santa? ;)

Answer 10

I am the "black sheep" of my family in SO many ways. My mother believes that because she's older now she has an excuse not to plumb the depths of whatever it is I believe in so I let her do her thing and I do mine. Have compassion and patience for them...

_()_

Answer 11

Hey Christmas with kids is fun, you should celebrate it. And if the kids go to church once or twice, big deal. .

There is a line that you should say something, but you are being pretty uptight if you ask me.