My boyfriend and I don't have a great intimate relationship, I feel that he's just not that into me. Most of the time he is not in the mood. However everytime he is home by himself he is always on "dirty" websites. It is not just once in a while, it is quite frequent, and he pays for these sites. I have come to him about this numerous times and he says it has nothing to do with me and that it's just entertainment, but really hurts my feelings as if he's interested in these girls and just not me. I really need to know how others feel about this situation, both women and mens opinions from both sides. Any thoughts would greatly be appreciated.
2007-04-20 08:44:07 · 10 answers · asked by Need to know 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
To add a little more info. we have a child together and have been together for quite some time now. Things have been like this since before our child was born. I have gone to him about this numerous times and now he just gets mad when I bring it up. He just doesn't understand how much it actually really does hurt me and I don't know what to do anymore....
2007-04-20 09:50:17 · update #1
Something like this, you have a right to know. Ask him. Let him know you're serious about wanting to know how he feels and that the sites he visits hurts your feelings and you feel like either you aren't enough for him or he's being disrespectful. Now, there's two ways this will probably go:
Either he'll apologize and realize what he's been doing is wrong and change his tune OR He'll still apologize and things will be fine for awhile and he'll go back to his 'old self'...and if that's the case, you don't want him anyway.
The way that I look at a relationship is, if I have to compete for someone's attention, then I don't want the relationship. You shouldn't feel rejected, left out, or put last if you're in a healthy one. =) Best wishes!
2007-04-20 08:58:56 · answer #1 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's addicted to porn and lives in a fantasy world. The only way he can be 'normally' intimate with you is to cut it off (the activity) and learn to enjoy sex in the real world again.
Either take an axe to the computer or get rid of the guy. Make sure the axe has an insulated handle so you don't get shocked. I'm sure he'll go out and buy a new computer though. I have a gf who's ex bf had the same problem. He ended up not coming back when he found out she won't do the same things he likes to see on the porn site. She's awesome to me. I don't need porn to be satisfied. I like the real world.
It's not as much the girls that's turning him on as it is the actions.
2007-04-20 15:49:07 · answer #2 · answered by madbaldscotsman 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course it has nothing to do with you. His arousal is based largely on fantasy. This sounds an awful lot like a sexual dysfunction, but unless he really sees the value of making YOU his reason for being in the mood, things aren't going to change. Substituting fantasy for reality in a sexual relationship is more prevalent than you might imagine. You may ultimately have to decide if this is the way you want your relationship or if you need to get out and find someone who can give you the attention you need. Good luck!
2007-04-20 15:54:14 · answer #3 · answered by peachyone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he is addicted to porn. iv seen a movie where the actor does similar things that ur bf is doin. he ends up losing everything but later admits his prob n goes to rehab. i wud say just break up w/ him n move on. thats the best way to go without getting into any deeper mess. also, try to get him some help regarding this.
2007-04-20 15:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by ANONYMOUS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i watched a movie not to long ago and it was about this girl who was mad at her boyfriend for watching porn. and it said that you cant take porn away from a guy. i dont know if its true but it said that they really get entertained by it. i would be sorta mad. i would tell him how you feel and how you dont think that he needs to be watching that that often. tell him that you feel like these girls are more important to him than you are and that you feel like he dosent like you and that you would like a more intimate relationship. maby that will work.
2007-04-20 15:51:37 · answer #5 · answered by angie n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awww. thats sad. you should be mad. if he is going to look at those websites and not be intimate with you then hes mean. y would he even PAY when he can have THE REAL THING!!!!!
what a loser. your doing nothing wrong. you need to sit him down and talk with him.
2007-04-20 15:53:38 · answer #6 · answered by dimples 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find another boyfriend. I can only imagine what his WIFE would have to put up with when he gets married!!!
He obviously does NOT want to change -- why waste your time and ENERGY on him?
2007-04-20 15:53:34 · answer #7 · answered by aattura 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No dont be mad. Just realize that you deserve a better boyfriend and move on.
2007-04-20 15:49:02 · answer #8 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he has allready lost interest in you and you are still dating not married, I would suggest that it is only going to get worse. Leave now while these women are just pictures.
2007-04-20 15:48:29 · answer #9 · answered by pooh bear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try wearing something that may turn his interest. you know spice it up a little.....
2007-04-20 15:48:26 · answer #10 · answered by babygirl31 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋