Inlaws and feeding toddler junk?

Question

I keep trying to explain to my daughters grandparents that I like her to eat nutritious healthy food, but I'm not sure they get it. I'm not really really strict, she has smarties or biscuits occasionally, but whenever they come round they come armed with piles of jammy dodgers, sugary yoghurts, sweets, marshmallows and things.
Usually I give most to other people and just give my daughter a little bit, not wanting to offend them. But my daughter is getting to the age now when she will notice they are bringing these things round and want to eat all of them so how do I get them to understand? Does anyone else have this problem with grandparents?

I tried asking them to bring things like strawberries and cereal bars instead but they didnt listen

They come over once a week mostly with 2 shopping bags full of pure junk food.

Answer 1

I argue with my mom constantly about this problem. My son (2) knows when he gets to nana and papa's house that it's time for Cheetos and as many cookies as he wants.
We've had dinner there and my son didn't touch his food. Then, she turned around and gave him a cookie. I was sooooo mad. I've given up though. I can't reason with her. My parents are far from health nuts, FAR from it. They are just trying to help... they don't realize they are hurting more than helping. If you find a way to get through to them, PLEASE let me know!!!

Answer 2

My dad would feed my 3 month old pepsi from a spoon and now that hes a toddler has plans to "spoil him" I tell him you dont spoil with food. that makes for obese children. You spoil with love or I guess even toys (he doesnt have a ton of money to do this which is fine with me because my son has enough already) but he insists that he must spoil him because he is his grandparent and "thats what theyre supposed to do." I once told him if he kept doing it i wouldnt let him watch him alone and he said i just wont tell you about it then. We get along really well and my son loves him I just wish he would respect how I want to raise. i think I am a little more strict than they were on me growing up (my son is still an only child though and I was the third...i think they disciplined me less than my siblings) and I just want him to be polite, eat healthy, etc. I get frustrated too!!! I would say, thank you. She can have a piece after she eats her lunch. I will put this away for her. Thank you for bringing it. If they say oh come on give her some now say im sorry thats not how we do things with her. Tell her that she can pick out one thing after her healthy meal. Stick to it and she will quickly learn the rule. It may be hard at first to deal with both but I would suggest just being very matter of fact and sticking with your parenting technique with no excuses and as little explination as possible. Also, try leaving all of the stuff you dont let her eat in the bags and dont give it away. Next time they bring it say wow thanks but we still have two bags full. Eventually they may see it as a waste of money to have you accumulating bags of candy and snacks.

Answer 3

All grandparents (well, most) are like that. As long as they keep it within reason, it's fine. My mom sneaks my 2 year old some M & Ms sometimes or cookies. I know she does it, and she knows I know about it, but we act sometimes like it's a big secret between Meemaw and my daughter. It's more fun for my daughter that way. However, 2 shopping bags full of crap each week is not reasonable. They are throwing in your face that "we are grandma and grandpa, we don't have to do what mommy says" crap. It's time to stop being so polite about it. Just refuse it next time, or take just a little bit and just hand the rest back to them. When we were kids, people put soda in their kids baby bottles for crying out loud and let 'em eat all the "kid" food they wanted (ice cream, hot dogs and fries for every meal, balogna, fried chicken strips). Is it any wonder that American kids have such a high obesity rate?

Answer 4

Yes, I had that problem, and after a bit of soul searching, I told the truth all be it embarrassing, but rather a few minuets of that than a lifetime of a child manipulating the situation because you did not put your foot down, and mean it, you have to be firm to the point of if you can't respect my wishes for my child , please don't come down. I'm sure they will hear that. And gain the respect from your child, that you mean what you say, and are prepared to stand up for what is right. The grandparents are testing you to, as a child will, to see what they can get away with, be brave.

Answer 5

My mother, who was the strictest mother in the whole universe (or so it felt like), who would only allow me to have chocolate buttons and milky bars till I was about 10 tells me in front of my son 'don't be so mean, it won't hurt him' as she showers him in all sorts of sugary cr@p! She brings him a present EVERY time she visits (they don't live very close) and then usually buys him something when we go shopping as well. This is the same woman who didn't believe in buying children presents between birthday and Christmas. It's like she's been replaced by an alien and there's nothing at all I can do about it other than forbid her to visit, which I wouldn't dream of. I think you just have to put up with it and remove the worst or the bulk of it - I bin stuff after they've gone and my son seems to accept that's just the way it works!

Answer 6

hi there, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your daughters grandparents bringing sweets & food over to your daughter, as long as the rule for your daughter is that she has her dinner first! My daughters grandad in law (my partners dad) is just the same, always when we go to his place he offers her all the food under his roof, luckily for me my is daughter a fussy eater but when it comes to certain sweets she's all up for the offer! Unfortunately he's the type to get offended if i tell him she can't have it but i can swing him back from it by saying she can have it after some proper dinner! I think at the grandparents age they think it's all they can do for them to just keep buying & giving them stuff, if it wasn't junk food you'd have a house full of toys & believe me i think you'd feel a lot less guilty about throwing away junk food than throwing away the gorgeous new dolls house that your daughter won't be parted from!! They can't usually get down on the floor to play with them or throw them up in the air to catch them any more so they feel they have to compensate in some way to still have their grandchild's love & affection! hope i've helped mate, good luck xx

Answer 7

Grandparents can be wonderful and they can also be a pain in the backside.
In your situation, it depends on whether they are your parents or your in-laws.

I assume the latter because if it was your mum and dad you would be able to be honest without worrying too much about falling out big time over something which is so obviously in your daughter's best interest.

If they are the child's father's parents you may need to get his help with this. Assuming you both agree on what the child eats it may be best coming from him that their offerrings are not welcome.

Answer 8

tell your daughter she cannot have all the sweets the gramma brings her... you are the parent. if they aren't getting the hint then they are wasting their money, not yours. remember you're in charge of your daughters health so you may have to be the "bad guy" sometimes but it's whats best for her. she didn't like shots either but you had to get them, same thing. if she really gets upset then try to remember that someday she'll be a teenager, and because of you she'll be healthy, someday she'll be an adult, and because of you she'll be healthy. don't give in, the result could be heart disease, diabetes, and even cancer. it's hard to imagine that with a 4 yr old but the lessons you teach her now will stay with her forever, including eating habits and nutirition.

kudos to you for being a good mom.

Answer 9

My mum is the same with my daughter. She buys her loads. I do ask her not to buy her so much junk food but it falls on deaf ears. All you can do is take the stuff and give it to your toddler bit by bit as not to ruin her diet. Grandparents tend to spoil them so there's nothing you could really do. Unless you tell them that all the junk is making your child hyper and it's driving you mad!

Answer 10

Ok...it's time for mr. tough guy. This is YOUR daughter...and you have EVERY right to control what kind of stuff she eats. Your inlaws need a wake-up call.

They need to know that if they are going to feed her junk, they will LOSE time with their granddaugher...period. I know this sounds severe (and bitchy), but hey...if they can't follow the rules, they get no baby time. I have been very clear with my inlaws about what they do with my daughter. Yes...I understand that grandparents *spoil* the grandkids..but there is no reason they need to spoil them with food. My inlaws (and my parents) KNOW that if they can't follow my rules...they were lose their grandparents rights LOL I just tell them...with a smile on my face...that it's my daughter and it's my rules..so they need to be followed.

Good luck. Shame on your inlaws for not LISTENING to you!!

Answer 11

I have the same problem and I am very concerned because my daughter has the tendancy to be overweight! Try to tell your daughter in front of your in laws that you would prefer her not to eat the treats and that she may only have so much because it isn't good for her. Other than that, just keep insisting your in-laws not to bring too much and hide or throw away what you don't want her to eat.