Female friends for a Husband in marriage?

Question

I have been married for over 10 years. During that time I have had many female friends. Sometimes we will go out and have dinner, (maybe twice a month), in most cases there is no touching, and at most a hug.

My Wife has never liked this but tolerated it. Recently I brought her out to dinner with two friends and everyone seemed to have a good time. A few days later there happened to be another event she could not attend with the same two friends but I wanted to go.

In the end it started a fight; we have fought about this a great deal. My question is it wrong to have female friends (Yes, some are single some are not) if you are married, even if nothing is happening other than being friends?

Would most women expect me to give up my friendships?

Before you ask how I would feel if she went out with guys, she does not have any guy friends (or female for that matter) but I would fine with as long as it was a couple of times a month and was strictly friends having dinner.

No touching simply means there is not an affari going on...sometimes there is hello or goodbye hug, but no hand holding kissing sitting on anyones lap etc....

Yes, I have Guy friends also...I did not include them because there is no argument there.....I spend roughly 2 nights a month out with a guy friend...About once a week I spend away from the house doing something...

Answer 1

Your wife is insecure and it's manifesting itself as jealousy. She needs to address her insecurities.

Couples counseling may help her address why she has these insecurities.

Answer 2

C'mon........I realize you are saying you would have no problem if the situation were reversed but the fact is, it's not. You are a married man spending what sounds like a good deal of time with other women ~ married or not.

This reeks of a loophole.......if she bitches, you get to play the 'Can't I have any friend's card'. My question is why don't you have guy friends? Why are you looking for justification to disrespect your wife, the woman you are supposed to love and who has tolerated this rather well?

You are no longer single - you don't get to go out with a bunch of women under the guise of friendship....it's a very cadish thing to do. If these 'women' are so important to you (more important than your wife, it would seem) then I would make a strict habit of including your wife in these visits..... if there is something going on that you would be uncomfortable doing in front of your wife than you have your answer.

Answer 3

Well the one part that caught me is you said in most cases there is no touching. What does that mean?

Okay now back to your question....would most women want you to give it up, probably, depends how secure they are with themselves, you and the relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong with married people having friends of the opposite sex, as long as it is just as friends and if any thing begins to transpire you as the married person puts an end to hanging out before something goes wrong. Now, you married your wife and she doesn't feel right about it, you at least should show her that you are willing to hang out with these women while she is around until she feels she can trust them around you....is that really the way it should be? No but that is the honest truth. Your wife is insecure and you need to find out why and help set it straight till then your friends go on the back burner.

Answer 4

These are the only solutions to your problem; Lie, Stop, Divorce, or get the good wife a Lobotomy.

I don't believe you let her meet them? I never did, and never went out to dinner! It was aways a business meeting! You are just too honest, or.....!

You broke the golden rule (in this area) "Never tell a woman the truth about other women!" "Why? because they don't want to know!"

If any of your lady friends look like Barbie, or even if they're ugly, but have great T&A, you're flat *** screwed!

I think the only other way to have pulled it off was to have them in to dinner, and even then, if you're not a Mormon, or a Muslim, your request would still be suspect.

In the end she will get pissed and be inviting you out to dinner whith her friends. Then you will get pissed and you both will be going out to dinner with your respective Lawyers.

Answer 5

I don't think having friends of the opposite sex is bad or wrong but you should always include your spouse.
The reason being most intimate relationships start out as "just friends" and it isn't something that is planned. So by going out with these friends of yours you are essentially setting a stage for problems.
As innocent as it may be, you really need to have respect for your wifes feelings. Maybe instead of going out with out the wife take her along, or have a dinner at the house and let your wife hosta nd get to know these ladies.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, no matter how everyone responds to your question, it ultimately comes down to what you and your wife decide.

My husband has female friends that he spends time with occasionally. He's in medical school, so when he spends time with female classmates, it's to study. I think if you're spending time with a friend with whom you share a hobby, that's one thing, but I'd have to agree with your wife that you going out to dinner with another woman while your wife sits at home (something that apparently happens a few times a month,) it's probably not appropriate.

Even if you're going out as a group, your wife should always be included (unless she can't, as in the most recent incident). My husband having dinner with other women and excluding me would definitely make me uncomfortable. Ultimately, your wife is the one who should take precedence, and if it makes her unhappy, that should be your answer.

Answer 7

One of my very best friends and former coworker was male. We went to lunch together everyday. But when we socialized outside of the workday, my spouse and several other friends were in attendance, we never went out to dinner alone, or to a movie alone.

The more time you spend with someone the more the emotional bond grows.

When I needed to go out of state for a funeral and my spouse couldn't go, he said take Gary with you and then to save money said it was OK for Gary and I to share a hotel room together, two beds. That is about the time I decided that my husband didn't love me as much as he should. NO husband should think it's OK for his wife to spend the night in a hotel with another man. Trust is Trust but that was just wrong.

I would be glad that that your wife cares enough to be jealous. I would include her, if she can't be included, you probably don't need to be doing it.

Answer 8

Part of what you did by getting married was tell your wife that she would forever be the MOST important woman in your life. She's even supposed to be more important than your MOM! There should be no one in your life that takes more precedence than your wife except God! Not your kids, not your parents, not your friends.

She doesn't feel like she's #1 right now because you are entertaining other women without her when you know she isn't really OK with it. By taking those other ladies out (innocent or not) she feels like you would rather be with them, than respect her feelings. That's not cool and I'm sure you wouldn't want to feel that way either.

We don't expect you to give up your friendships with other women entirely, but the parameters need to change. These women should not be with you alone on a regular basis (if i were you, because of your present situation, i would say they should NEVER be alone with you), they shouldn't be confiding their deepest, darkest secrets to you, and you shouldn't be confiding in them.

If you really want to keep them as friends, hang out with them only when your wife can be included. You might want to also try to get her involved with them on a personal basis. It sounds like she needs some friends anyway.

You also need to understand that you can be unfaithful to someone with your heart. You don't have to be doing physical things to be cheating on someone.

Answer 9

It should not matter one bit if anyone on here thinks it is okay or not okay, the only person that it matters to is your wife. It bothers her and that should matter to you. You should consider her feelings over the feelings of your friends and your own "good" times. By going out to dinner with these other females against her wishes, all you are doing is sending her the message that she does not matter or is not that important to you. You say it would not bother you, but if she went against your wishes in some way that did bother you, I think you would feel different. Only get together with them when she can attend, otherwise politely decline.

Answer 10

Even if they aren't sleeping together, you need to try to end this NOW. Threaten to leave---whatever it takes. I didn't do anything when my husband and his "best friend" were meeting a few nights a week. They were having sex for over two months. I just wish I had put an end to it when I first thought there was something up.

Answer 11

I see what you are saying and it is completely innocent. Some of my best friends have been guys. There is no comptetition with friends of the opposite sex. You just have to be careful not to put your friend above your wife because she will get jealous. Sounds like she doesn't have any friends and is happy with just you.

I like to be around friends while my husband likes to be at home or just the two of us. Some of my friends are guys. I am closer to some of my married Male friends than to the women, but you have to draw a line with the friendship.

Anything that makes your significant other uncomfortable is unacceptable. Take her with you or figure out works with her too. I don't think that you have to give up your friendships, just be careful not to allow anything else to happen.